Ryan Lochte’s Mom Keeps It TOO Real

August 2, 2012 / Posted by:

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta trick, K. Michelle (Side note: If I was dyslexic and a drag queen, K. Michelle would be my drag name. No, I’m not dyslexic. You learn something new, I know.), shook her head no yesterday at the rumor that nine-time Olympic medalist Ryan Lochte is tapping his American flag grill on her coochie full-time. K. Michelle says they’re only really good friends (Translation: she licks the chlorine off his peen every and and again). Well, according to Ryan Lochte’s mom, Ike Lochte, K. Michelle is telling the truth, because she told Today that her son is too busy winning medals and stuff, and he really doesn’t have time for anything beyond a fuck and run.

When asked about Ryan’s personal life, Ike Lochte was fresh out of fucks to give when she said this about his free agent peen: “He goes out on one-night stands. He’s not able to give fully to a relationship because he’s always on the go.”

I love how she didn’t even try to keep it vague by saying that he dates around and doesn’t dip into anything serious. Ike Lochte just came out and said he’s a hit it and quit it kind of slut. Debbie Phelps has some competition as the Olympic mother who wins my heart. But you know, I’m sure Ike Lochte being blunt as hell isn’t going to embarrass Ryan. Ryan is too busy still trying to figure out the answer to the question “What’s 7 times 4?” If you watch only one thing today, watch this priceless video of Ryan’s greatest interview moments. If a perma-stoned Ryan Phillippe played Joey in Blossom, it would sort of look like this:

So many gems, but my favorite part is when he says that his cell phone screensaver is a picture of his brain.

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