Open Post: Hosted By Disappointment
The first disappointment of the day for me was when I read story after story about how a delicious chicken sandwich is the unofficial anti-gay rights symbol. The second disappointment of the day came when I got hungry for a chicken sandwich and realized that Popeye's ass doesn't deliver to my area. The third disappointment of the day came when I was looking for pictures on a photo agency website and thought that a set of tiny thumbnails were pictures of this glamorous flower:
Then I clicked on a thumbnail and found out it was just Lindsay Lohan's busted ass at Make-Up Forever in L.A. There needs to be a store called Sit Down Forever and bitch needs to go there instead. Damn you LiLo for not being Jose Eber in easy access shorty shorts.
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Open Post: Hosted By a Freckled Bag of NO
Submitted by DiamondDogs on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 4:01pm.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! I fucking love it!!
When they made him P.E. coach and all the kids are lined up in the gym and one kid said something like "my dad said you ruined baseball" or something like that... here is his response to him and then the class...
"You know what? I can already tell that I don't like you, and I'm probably not going to like you no matter now many pull-ups or push-ups you do. If anybody wants to pick on anybody in class, aim for him because I ain't watching."
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
@ Jack
You got me watching that show based on your sig. I laughed so hard when they showed up at the school dance loaded and high on E.
Thanks anno- <3
Hekki, I truly hope things work out with your sister. Take it slow.
My son and daughter (10 & 12) fight all the time, but would kill for each other. I hope they stay close as they grow older. It's one of my biggest fears that they will hate each other when they grow up. :(
Ditquoi, I hope I didn't offend you when I said to try and enjoy the day (I meant hubby's bday..not c -section). I completely get your feelings and fears. I had a natural with my daughter, and emergency c- section with my son because i was SO anxious and my blood pressure was sky high. He also had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, so everytime I got a contraction and tried to push, it was wrapping tighter. :( It was definately a different experience and one I wouldn't wish for, but everything turned out ok, thank goodness (except for the post partum crap, but that's a whole different topic...lol). I just want everything to be ok with you and your baby, too. <3
I always felt guilty for feeling sad and seemingly ungrateful for things in my life, but it's hormonal and it sucks. Medicine and talking to someone helps, but that crap only leaves when it's ready to. Don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do. It's completely normal.
www.poopreport.com :)
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Submitted by Brown-EyedGirl on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 3:54pm.
Kenny fucking Powers!! lol *points to signature* He had a show on HBO called Eastbound and Down. One of the funniest shows I've ever seen in my life. Here is a quote when this chick offered to blow him at the beach.... lol
Kenny: I like you, Tracy, but I'm gonna have to insist on you using some sort of protection. There's a dental dam up in my truck.
Tracy: What the fuck is a dental dam?
Kenny: It's like a rubber for your mouth. Nevermind what it is, just go get it! And it's not just for my protection, because you don't know what kinda shit I got either.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Best of luck, ditquoi !
I had both my boys that way too. You just have to make the best of it - at least they come out pretty !
Jack, who's the new face? I don't recognize you...
Lu32Cy - I'd buy a ticket.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
@annobanano and Jack - I only just heard about Veep recently. I'll have to check it out.
@Hekki- I'm glad you are talking with your sister. I hope things go well. My brother and I are estranged and I know how painful it is.
Submitted by DiamondDogs on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 3:45pm.
Thank you, you certainly helped ;)
lol jack, a transatlantic dream sex tape - oh my!
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 3:42pm.
The flu?!! Awwwwww.
*rubs Vics Vapor Rub on your chest* :)
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 3:30pm.
Lucifer: hahaha! I'm glad I wasnt part of your nightmares!
You escaped just in time: before the turquoise-coloured people with coneheads showed up :(
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Submitted by Mel-Tang on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 3:25pm.
My grandma just had a stroke and can't speak or move. She can only squeeze her hand a little.
This is very sad, I wish her all the best ♥
anno - I actually like her character on Veep a hell of a lot more than Elaine... the veep is a BITCH! but funny as hell... the episode when there was rumor of her being pregnant had me ROLLING...
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
@ Lucy
I didn't know you had the flu! Awwww, get better soon!
xo
Mel sorry about your abuelita :(
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
well, we can't expect anyone to have muscle tone, when their only exercising is lifting the drink to their mouth, or bending over to snort lines.
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That's where the pain comes in
Like a second skeleton
Trying to fit beneath the skin
I can't fit the feelings in
I know Hekki! It's breaking my heart. :(
I live really far away, but am going to a family reunion there next weekend. I was supposed to go out to dinner with her on saturday to celebrate her birthday (that already passed). She had the stroke ON her birthday. :( She must have had it in her sleep, because my uncle found her in the morning with her eyes open, just staring out in front of her. :'(
She was in the process of rehab when this happened. Last August, she had to have her leg amputated because of some kind of toxin that was spreading through her body. She had just been fitted for a prosthetic leg, and at 95 was re-learning how to walk. Now this. My dad went to visit her, and being the realist tha the is, said she looks pathetic (not being mean). He said she can't do anything. He's a tough guy and even he broke down when he talked about it. Life is so unfair.
www.poopreport.com :)
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@ Hekki
That sister bond can be very strong despite conflict.
Hope all goes well and that her intentions are good.
Otherwise, she'll have to answer to all of us. LOL
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You are all infidels and heathens.
Hekki, that awesome... I can't stand to see siblings fight/ignore one another, etc. My sister and I hated each other until about 5 years ago... HATED! It's nice now, we talk about twice a week and communicate daily on FB. Glad you've got something to start with...
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by DiamondDogs on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 3:32pm.
OMGGG! *wipes tear* You're welcome. Next time I'm on the chaise lounge I shall send my consciousness forward, haha! You just cured my flu ♥
@ Louise
Oh how I loved Elaine - she was simply VICIOUS, lol. Did you watch JLD on the HBO show Veep? Hilarious! Cried from laughter when she called someone "Fucktard"
thanks Hekki!! really, thanks. I've been feeling like an ungrateful jerk for not being happy about this C section...but how silly is that...I get an extra 2 weeks of maternity leave and nice drugs. I dunno, I was just hoping to have the full childbirth experience this time.
I may just try that cream of tartar thing...
When I first started reading the post, I only saw something about chicken and assumed that was Chicken Cutlets in the photo. And then I realized it was Lohan and that I had just committed dlisted blasphemy.
*I'm ashamed of what I did for a Klondike Bar*
Lindsay Lohan is so gross.
In the closeup of her ass, the freckles make it look like she has a hairy ass.
She nasty.
Happy for you Hekki but yeah be warey.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
@ Mel - awww, so sorry about your Gran. Just talk to her lots of you can be with her.
Something positive (I think). My sister is communicating with me again. I had been having anxiety dreams about the situation and she texted me out of nowhere and we've been catching up a little. I've missed her and am feeling a little cautious but it's something.
What's more disappointing is that those shorts look HOMEMADE but you know bitch didn't pick up the scissors and make a craft project out of old jeans, bitch PAID most likely over $100 for them exactly as they are.
*prays for DD and Lu32Cy sex tape*
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
letinstar - why did you look that hard?
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 3:32pm.
My absolute favorite Elaine moment is when she ripped the toupee off George's head and screamed, "I DON'T LIKE THIS THING!!! AND THIS IS WHAT I'M DOING WITH IT!" and threw it out the window.
Coming in a close second is when she imitated the fax machine that kept calling her by screaming it in Kramer's face. LMAO I'm cracking up just typing it.
@ Mel.
Sorry about your Gran. :-(
Sorry about your grandma, Mel! Truely sad.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Mel-Tang: sorry to hear about your memaw. ♥♥♥♥
Thanks Jack!
www.poopreport.com :)
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Mel, your poor memaw! That is horrible! Are you able to visit her? She's still in there, but she's stuck! My worst damn nightmare.
She might be able to recover some function. I sure hope so.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 3:21pm.
Winehouse didn't have cankles. This bitch does.
@ Lucy
It involved a chaise lounge and some strawberries. ;-) That description you wrote earlier stayed in my mind and created a sinful dream sequence.
It was really one of the best sex dreams I've had in ages.
Thanks m'dear. *blushes*
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You are all infidels and heathens.
I knew it was her by the pasty, mushy legs. Then I saw the face.
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That's where the pain comes in
Like a second skeleton
Trying to fit beneath the skin
I can't fit the feelings in
Submitted by louise_brooks on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 3:28pm.
LMAO I love Elaine... the girl I dated all through high school acts just fucking like her... to. a. tee. I loved Jerry's response in that one... "so, you feel you were short changed?"
Georgie-boy "Yes. I mean, if she thinks that's me, she's under a complete misapprehension."
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
i can see this bitch's fire crotch...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Submitted by Mel-Tang on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 3:25pm.
Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry about your grandma.
ETA: I don't think anyone has ever had a sexy dream about me either.
Lucifer: hahaha! I'm glad I wasnt part of your nightmares!
I want someone to have a secksy dream about me! Because irl it would never happen. :(
Lucifer u lucky biotch. ;)
I had a dream about MK earlier in the week, but in mine he had called the police and told them I was a stalker. He, along with the popo were chasing me with guns and trying to shoot my ass. :(
www.poopreport.com :)
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In related news, Make up Forever closes forever due to shame.
Nice eyeliner ya stinkmobile!
Good luck tomorrow, ditquoi!
actually Lilo kind a looks a little like a young Jose Eber in that main pic...
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 3:25pm.
Yes! LOL I love Elaine because she's equally angry and bubbly.
Elaine: "Well, the female body is a... work of art. The male body is
utilitarian, it's for gettin' around, like a jeep."
Jerry: "So you don't think it's attractive?"
Elaine: "It's hideous. The hair, the... the lumpiness. It's simian."
George: "Well, some women like it."
Elaine: "Hmm. Sickies."
Ditquoi: hang in there girl!! There is a way to lower your BP using cream of tartar in lemon juice. It tastes bad but it's worth a shot. My midwife hadn't heard of it but she okayed it and it worked for me. Just throwing that out there. It's NOT medical advice though. Even well meaning strangers can be wrong.
But I have to validate your feelings of disappointment. My SIL had a C and was really feeling bad that it worked out that way and she saw a therapist to work out those feelings. You're supposed to be happy no matter what, but it's like any other time when your body doesn't do what you hope it will. And then if you express any sadness people tell you you should just shut up and be happy that your baby is happy, who cares what your body just went through.
I wish you the very best! xOXOx. Let us know what happens. I'll be thinking of you.
Mel-Tang - sorry about your memaw... :(
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
and weezy, to answer your question... proudly.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Ano-lmfao I've had to stop Mr. TANG for that pee dot shit too. Ugh.
And Jack, glad to hear gf is doing well. :) Medical shit sucks.
My grandma just had a stroke and can't speak or move. She can only squeeze her hand a little. She just stares out into space. So sad and frightening. :( It's like one of those horror movies where someone is paralyzed and other people think they're dead, so they start to bury them and the victim can't scream out. Ugh.
I hope everyone here stays healthy and happy. <3
www.poopreport.com :)
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