Horny People Of Walmart
You know those people at the grocery store who eat the grapes in the fruit section, because they say they need to sample the goods before buying? (Don't shake your head no. I know you have a relative who does that. We all have a relative who does that.) Well, that's basically what 35-year-old Tina Gianakon and 22-year-old Julian Call were doing at a Walmart in Kansas on Sunday night. Except they weren't sampling grapes, they were sampling KY instead.
The Smoking Gun says that Tina and Julian were just doing what most couples do on a Sunday night in Kansas: they were strolling the aisles of Walmart looking for some sex syrup to sample. After they settled on a tube of KY, they squirted a little of that sticky fun in their hands and started making a cleanup on aisle 12. You'd think that the least offensive thing in a Walmart is the sight of two horny hos openly fondling each other, but I guess it must've been a slow night for foolery. Because somebody called the police. Fred Willard feels their orgasm-blocking pain. The cops showed up, double gloved up, picked stray pube hairs off of Tina's hand and then put the both of them in handcuffs. Tina and Julian were charged with lewd and lascivious behavior (that's legal talk for "hand boning each other in the middle of a Walmart") and theft for stealing that KY tube.
This is an injustice! If you can't jack your piece off with stolen lube in the middle of a Walmart, where can you jack them off? It's Walmart's fault for being filled with so much sexy (see: POW). Being in a Walmart just makes your hand want to do the back and forth slip 'n slide on a peen. I mean, why do you think the Walmart smiley face is always smiling? Uh huh. It's fapping right there in the middle of the aisle all day, every day. Rollback....and forth.
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The Pep Boys are also pretty cute, and trying to cross a busy street in front of a fire station definitely gives great flirting opportunities-those hot ass men will jump to help you stop traffic lol. And don't forget after a flat tire. *Remembers to buy nails at the local HD*
She looks good for 35 (please notice I said "good for 35" and not just "good"). 35 in Kansas = has kids, though, probably.
Ewww...I can see it.
Seriously, am I the only one here who thinks that they look like brother and sister??!!
Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 8:42pm.
bebeh, I admit that uniformed service members are a weakness. *don't tell anyone*
I promise I won't.
You don't mind if I show a couple of our nation's finest a good time? I'll keep both feet on the ground, I swear!!!
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"Taylor has an unfair advantage. Bitch never has to buy lube since her eyes are greasier than the peen of the lone top at a gay orgy." - MK
@ Whamo
rofl, nice double entendre! you're on a roll today hun.
...and yes, yes I would...now what? ;-P
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"Though this be madness, yet there is method in it." - Hamlet, Shakespeare
Submitted by spider3tattoo on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 8:24pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 8:00pm.
*chokes on dinner*
Need any help with that mile-long nose there Pinocchio?
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Perhaps you like to take a seat:P
Submitted by little_rascal on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 8:38pm.
Home Depot, oh yeah. Automotive parts and sporting goods specialty stores too.
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"Though this be madness, yet there is method in it." - Hamlet, Shakespeare
Submitted by little_rascal on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 8:38pm.
The plumbing section of Home Depot is where the guys are.
*pens in visit to HD on Saturday*
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"Taylor has an unfair advantage. Bitch never has to buy lube since her eyes are greasier than the peen of the lone top at a gay orgy." - MK
Submitted by beb on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 8:36pm.
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bebeh, I admit that uniformed service members are a weakness. *don't tell anyone* Although, I find that they enjoy being compromised too. lmao
LOL Chips Ahoy!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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To whoever wrote that dude reminded them of someone, me too! And I think I have it. Apollo Ono, for the win.
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It's LOCHTE time! JEAH!
And damn Chic-Fuck-Lay is all worried about gays getting married? Fuck that shit.
I'll take Johnny Weir over that god damned in-the-aisle fucking Brillo-padded hick any day of the damn week.
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You're under arrest, sugar!
My Walmart is so white bread it's not even funny. I rarely ever see any freaks there. They do have what I call ghetto day. I think it's the day some of the people get their welfare checks and there seems to be a lot of odd people at the store. Aside from that, nothing interesting at all.
The plumbing section of Home Depot is where the guys are. I recently went there to get a new plunger, and there were at least 10 guys browsing, and all of them kept asking me if I needed any help :P
She looks young for 35. Get it girl! (yes I am PMSing and would hit anything at this point)
Is she really 35?
Now. Now. Neighborhood Walmart is where the classy people go.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 8:32pm.
Chips Ahoy are good when the Navy comes in...I try to be all that I can be when they are around...in uniform, of course!
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"Taylor has an unfair advantage. Bitch never has to buy lube since her eyes are greasier than the peen of the lone top at a gay orgy." - MK
This is exhibit A folks of why I never step foot into Wal Mart.
LOL @ Cleanup in aisle 12 MK
Submitted by beb on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 7:57pm.
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DOUBLE stuffed OREOS!? lmao *whatafreak* Chips AHOY! are delicious too!
This thread has gone completely PERVERTED!
*and I like it* HAAHAHAH
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠░░░░
Submitted by Gardening Girl: "what are you guys freaking out for? This pair is actually hot for Walmart...have you seen some of the mutants and hambeasts going in and out of that place??? My son's tell me to drive by so that they can look at the "freaks"."
GG, this had me ROLLING. Hambeasts!
why do white trash people always pierce their fucking eyebrows? must be some sort of secret sign to each other that they may be hittin' on their brother or sister...
I googled their names and the story was on a site called whyamericansaredumb.com and it said "this is why americans will lose their freedom'
Doh
Mefunigirl, OLOLOLOLOLOL I am INNOCENT! I just do good research! Don't judge. hehehe
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 8:00pm.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 7:51pm.
Why do ugly people insist on having sex
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If I wasn't a virgin I might be able to answer that.
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*chokes on dinner*
Need any help with that mile-long nose there Pinocchio?
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"Though this be madness, yet there is method in it." - Hamlet, Shakespeare
The guy looks like somebody, but I can't put my finger on whom (no pun intended).... maybe Adam Goldberg?
It's Walmart's fault for putting out floor samples: "Ma'am, like to try the new peach-infused KY?"
Submitted by BrownHankyWithW... on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 7:18pm.
I'd blow him.
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I would too. And right there in the aisle.
*Ashamed*
"I am special and I will never be one of you." - Charlie Sheen
No probs Twatty!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
I don't go in Walmart, fuck all those nasty skags there. GROSS
Can you imagine having to explain this to your parents? Wonder if there is a hallmark card for that.
It's never too late to be who you might have been.
~George Eliot~
beb -- the garden center having some ambience -- LOL!!!
GG -- "mutants and hambeasts" -- LMFAO!!!! A much needed laugh, GG -- thanks, hon!!!!!!!!!!
Oh what are you guys freaking out for? This pair is actually hot for Walmart...have you seen some of the mutants and hambeasts going in and out of that place??? My son's tell me to drive by so that they can look at the "freaks".
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
I'm afraid I must co-sign (with condom-wrapped pen).
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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK
*side-eyes within and her knowledge of the late night automotive section*
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 8:05pm.
You could've given a tug or two up front. Jeez. ;-)
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"Taylor has an unfair advantage. Bitch never has to buy lube since her eyes are greasier than the peen of the lone top at a gay orgy." - MK
Submitted by beb on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 7:19pm.
Man, you'd think they would go into the Garden Center...at least they'd have a little ambiance there
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because they probably didn't have cucumbers ripe for the picking.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 7:30pm.
COME ON! You can go to the back parking lot to do your sexytimes, you can go to the Automotive section late at night, handcrafts section's not really happening after dark either. LOTS of PLACES, dumbasses! olol
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One of my dumbass ex boyfriends needed a battery for his work van in the middle of the night(coke binge). So no one was in the automotive section. He grabbed the battery he thought was right and carried it up front. There was only 1 line open for check out. He got tired of waiting and just walked out with a giant battery. No one stopped him.
True story.
*I'm ashamed of what I did for a Klondike Bar*
winniwins -- OMG, I read that story of your last week and I was so freaked out for you; I literally felt your terror! *hugs*
Lucifer -- I know, right? When I see ugly people that I know are fucking, I just get the shivers; it freaks me the fuck out. I try to black out the thought.
OY!!! *fondles beb's ass and runs off*
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 7:59pm.
Pot, meet kettle. ;-)
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"Taylor has an unfair advantage. Bitch never has to buy lube since her eyes are greasier than the peen of the lone top at a gay orgy." - MK
I've done sexy times in bizarre places but never at Wal-Mart. They are far too unsanitary.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 7:51pm.
Why do ugly people insist on having sex
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If I wasn't a virgin I might be able to answer that.
This is the way to spend a hot summer night!! I applaud their creativity...from a distance!
beb, such a perv...
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by Mani6 on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 7:50pm.
HAHAHAHA. Double-stuffed Oreos make me horny!
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"Taylor has an unfair advantage. Bitch never has to buy lube since her eyes are greasier than the peen of the lone top at a gay orgy." - MK
Submitted by winniwins on Wed, 08/01/2012 - 7:52pm.
I accidentally drank some random Wal Mart persons pop. I had a diet coke and took a huge slug off someones orange soda. After I realized what i did I looked around.Each person was worse than the next I started to panic and I could feel my heart beating in my eye sockets. I left without anything I'd come for. Haven't been back since. I can't.
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Last weekend some guy left an untouched coffee in my store when he was buying something (he put it down on the counter to pay and left it behind). Me and my coworker waited a couple hours to see if he'd come back for it, then we decided to split it. It was a French vanilla latte too. Finders keepers. ;) Though, it's not quite as shady as soda in Walmart.....
Lucifer_Sam, cos even the fuglies deserve to feel that leg twitchin' eye crossing groove!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
LuciferSam - idk maybe because they can.
" When you see a chance take it " - Steve Winwood
"If it were socially acceptable I would esconce myself in velvet. " George Costanza
FOR WHY?!
At least get to the lovers' deluxe suite, the walmart restroom stall, before handling each other's goods.
Gross!
Whatever you go to Wal-Mart for, it's not romance. Who could think of that place as inspiring of love? (shudder)
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"Two whores don't make a right"-- M.K.
"Any guy who values stick thin and young over smarts and personality isn't worth it and has NOTHING interesting to say anyway."-- Mrs. Kravitz