The wondrous and thunderous thighs on German track cyclist Robert “DIE THIGHS” Förstemann!
Last week, New Zealand cyclist Greg Henderson tweeted this quad-off between German cycle racer André Greipel (the dude on the left with the ombre thighs and BULGE) and my new Olympic dreamboat Robert Förstemann (the dude on the right with the “Are you just happy to see me or is that a cluster of throbbing tumahs in your thighs?” quads and “I’ll just shrivel back and let his thighs have all the glory” non-bulge).
26-year-old Robert is competing in a few cycling events at the Olympics, but he’s REALLY at the Olympics to give hos a serious German thigh show when he waddles through the streets like he’s smuggling six turduckens and an entire watermelon patch in his Spandex shorts. How can you not have it for a thigh-ridden piece who can only wear pants made out of Spandex, Pajama Jeans or lederhosen that cinches at the waist?
Apparently, I’m a little tardy to Robert’s thigh party, because people have been screaming with their eyes at his monster quads for years. But it’s never too late to pay homage the quads that look like they’re pregnant with Freddy’s babies. This is what it would look like if Kim Kartrashian’s ass finally got smart, quit her and sought refuge on Robert’s thighs. The thighs have it and then some. If you need a nut cracked this morning, just hold it up to this picture and let the nut meat fall into your palm.
And if I’m in love with Robert’s quads, imagine how Ridley Scott feels. As I’m writing this, Ridley Scott is totally writing an Alien re-boot starring Robert’s quads as the title role.