Can’t She Just Get 150 OctoLoans?

July 30, 2012 / Posted by:

OctoMom got off welfare the old-fashioned way (aka shriveling retinas by sucking off a huge baby bottle during her strip show debut) and now she’s trying to get money the other old-fashioned way: by begging for it.

TMZ says that Octo will be kicked out of her house of baby screeches and overstuffed Pampers any day now and she needs money for a down payment on another house to raise her child army in. So Octo’s holding up her empty change cup by posting a donation page on GoFundMe.com (more like GoBlowMe.com) and asking her “fans” for $150,000.

As of this morning, Octo is so close to meeting her goal and by that I mean she’s 1% there after two days! I know, don’t everybody throw your dollars at Octo’s donation page at the same time or the Internet might break from the sheer weight of money in her PayPal account. Karen the Bus Monitor, who? In all seriousness, why aren’t whores dumping all of their lube fund money into Octo’s online begging purse for making Tumblr a sexier place thanks to GIF after GIF of her twisting her eyes while twisting her octoclit. (Warning: Do not search for those GIFs unless you want to make your keyboard a barfier place).

TMZ also says that Octo is still going to do her side jobs in case she doesn’t get that $150k for free and that brings up another question. Octo has at least 150 kids and each one of those 150 kids probably has good credit and their own social security number, so why hasn’t she taken a loan in all of their names?

What is the point of having ten million children if you don’t commit identity theft against them by taking  out loans in their names?!

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