Kristen Stewart And Rupert Sanders Were Doing It For Months, So Says His Wife's Brother

Above is a video of Kristen Stewart, Rupert Sanders, Charlize Theron and some other people from Ho White and The Husband having dinner together at a restaurant in Berlin a couple of months ago. KStew giving off the sexuality of a wet Styrofoam peanut and the allure of a snoring, drooling sloth was just too much for Rupert to handle and so he had to give himself a quick yank right there at the table. And whatever utensils Rupert touched after that, KStew probably licked them real quick to be closer to him. That's how hot they had it for each other. At least that's what Rupert's wife's brother is saying.

In KStew's bizarre open apology, she said that her box munching date with Rupert was only a one time thing. But Liberty Ross' younger brother, Leopold Ross tells The People (via Radar) that those two have been biting each other's lips long before Rupert got caught with a mouthful of KStew snatch. Leopold feels for his sister, because she gave up her career to take care of the kids and Rupert has slapped her in the face with KStew's labia:

“It was from the last half of filming and all through post-production, clear into last week. She made some sacrifices for something she thought was worth it, now she knows, right? Five minutes from her home.

Doubt it was worth it but it’s life. It might actually make things better in the long run. She wasn’t that happy for a while, but our family is close, she’ll be all right.”

Yes, their family is really close and obviously mine is just as close. Because if my sister had a husband and that husband cheated on her by sucking off Kristen Stewart's tongue in a parked Mini Cooper, I would totally sell my story to a British newspaper. I didn't lace that last line with any sarcasm, so you've been warned, future brother-in-law.

I don't know if I believe Leopold Ross. There was a whole lot of making out (and not much more) in those pictures. If they were wet humping on each other for months, I'd think that they'd just want to get down to business and do sex on each other real quick before rinsing the cheating skank smells off of their fuck parts with a stranger's front yard garden hose. Who makes out in a parked car besides 11th graders? Grow up, KStew and Ruprick!

Below are pictures of moving trucks outside of KStew and RPattz's former love shack of sparkly love. The paps say those trucks are moving out RPattz's stuff. If this is a stunt (it probably is), then I'm disappointed at how anti-climactic this is. Moving trucks? That's it? They should've went ALL the way. RPattz should've thrown all of KStew's clothes into her Mini Cooper, torched that shit and used the scorned flames to light his cigarette. RPattz should've done it Bernadine-style. (Just picture Angela Bassett as RPattz and I know that's not hard to do since they're so much alike.)

That's how it should've went down with RPattz screaming "Get yer shit!" and everything.