Somebody Get This Bitch A Bus Pass

July 26, 2012 / Posted by:

That dude throwing a side-eye in the back knew this mess was coming.

Water is wet, vodka is delicious, I’m hungover, some mark who spent the night with White Oprah woke up in a Long Island bath tub full of ice with some of his internal organs missing and cracked out stunt driver Lindsay Lohan got into another car accident. It’s just another day! Drug dealers should really put a warning label on their bags of crack rocks warning crackies that smoking up the bad shit will affect their ability to know the difference between the brake and gas pedal.

TMZ says that after shopping at Chanel in Beverly Hills yesterday, the Geico Gecko’s arch rival got behind the wheel (mistake #1) of another rented Porsche (mistake #2) and drove down Sunset Blvd. (mistake #3) before running into a silver Mustang that was stopped at a red light. Yes, that Mustang was not moving and this mess still busted into it. LiLo’s passenger, who obviously loves inhaling second hand crack smoke while taking a Wednesday afternoon drive, knew the drill. Dude jumped out, gave the Mustang driver LiLo’s insurance information and drooled out some excuse about the paparazzi following them. It was either blame the paparazzi or say that Scientology sorceress Tommy Girl is out to get her and used his telekinesis powers to push her Porsche into that Mustang.

TMZ has video of the Mustang driver talking about her brush with the slug-lipped freckled terror and it looks like there’s only a few scratches on the bumper. The Mustang driver must have a b-hole shaped like a four leaf clover, because she’s lucky she got off so easy.

A Huffy bike with flat tires, a Segway with a weak motor, an early model Hoveround and a Pogo Ball are the only things this bitch should be approved to drive. And why is Blohan wasting her time with trying to be a low-budget, soft-core porn star. Being a bumper car champion is her true calling.

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