Kristen Stewart Never Sexed On That Rupert Dude, Is Writing An "I'm Sowwy" Letter To His Wife (UPDATE: RPattz Moved Out)
Because Hallmark doesn't make a Hoops & Yoyo "Sorry I Let Your Man Lap Up My Punane" e-card yet, Kristen Stewart is supposedly writing an apology letter to Rupert Sanders' wife Liberty Ross. In case you don't already know, Liberty's the one above who Kristen is throwing a "Can I lick your lips in case your husband's peen has been there recently?" look at.
Some source tells Radar that KStew kept Liberty's name out of the eye roll-inducing, bizarre open apology to RPattz she gave to People, (Yes, we're living in a world where dumb whores have to send an apology letter to People Magazine for getting their box munched on the side.) because she didn't think it was right and wanted to write a private letter instead. To the source:
"Kristen didn’t feel it was appropriate to issue a public apology to Liberty once the story of her affair with Rupert broke. Instead, she’s going to do the decent thing and write Liberty a private letter expressing her deepest regret for her actions. She was thinking of including Liberty, Rupert and the kids in her public apology – but Kristen was so desperate to save her relationship with Rob she decided to concentrate on that first. Kristen feels she made a terribly naïve mistake and will do anything to make amends. The fact that Liberty and Rupert have two kids has now dawned on her and she feels awful for what she did."
Bitch should also throw in a thank you to Rupert for helping her to dim those gayelle rumors. Seriously, the most shocking thing about those pussy eating pictures is that KStew's not the one doing the munching. Speaking of...sort of...
A different source tells Gossip Cop that Rupert and KStew never actually wet humped on each other. The source says they just kissed and he never stuck it in. The hell? So Twihards are bawlin' out the lyrics to "Un-break My Robsten" over some kissing shit? Maybe it's because I'm a shameless slut with the morals of a used condom, but I always thought that it only counts as cheating if you swallow.
But really, stunt or not, this mess could work in KStew's favor. KStew is as bland as unflavored gelatin floating in a Styrofoam bowl full of lukewarm tap water, but this scandal has made her seem kind of interesting. Not only that, but now the Twihards are turning against her and are no longer trying to lick on her taint. So KStew comes off scandalous in a skanky way AND she's free of the Twihards. Win!
UPDATE: People says that RPattz is heartbroken, angry and has no reason to sparkle on, so he's moved out of the house he shared with KSTew. It's really over! This is bigger than the Fall of Saigon and the Decline of the Roman Empire COMBINED!