Hot Slut Of The Day!

Otilia Martins, an 80-year-old Portuguese grandma who proved that she is: a) Not the one; b) Not the one; and c) REALLY not the one when two thieving piece of shit asshole thieves robbed her family’s store in New Bedford, Massachusetts last Friday.

If you’re planning on robbing a market, make sure an abuelita of any kind isn’t anywhere near or else she may make some chutney on your face by beating you in the head with a mango. Case in point: Ms. Otilia was hanging out in her brother-in-law’s market on Friday afternoon when two not-knowing dumb trash bags pointed a gun at the cashier and demanded all the money. They obviously didn’t notice when the wind hid under every available table and all the patron saint candles turned to face the back of the shelf after Granny Otilia crept up behind them to put an end to their criminal foolery.

I don’t know why Otilia didn’t take off one of her slippers and launch it across the store, because she could’ve hit both of them in one throw. Ninja stars don’t have SHIT on an abuelita’s slipper (the truth according to everything). Instead, Otilia yelled at them and it got her a pistol whip to the face. One thing we should all know is that when you pistol whip a granny, not only will you spend your entire after life as Lucifer’s daytime butt plug, but she will whoop your trick ass until you see the face of Ha-soos. Otilia has lived for 80 years, so no punk ass pistol slap to the cheek is going to keep her down. She came back up and when she couldn’t find anything in her pocketbook to throw, she threw mangos at them. They finally realized that if anybody can turn a mango into a bullet, it’s a granny, so they ran out of there. Who needs an armed security guard when’ve got a granny with some mangos. #grannygetyourmangos

They managed to run off with $500 in cash, but they were later caught and charged with a bunch of stuff including screwing with a memaw. When they get found guilty, oh and they will, their sentence better include a couple of weekends with Otilia who will finish beating their asses with mangos before making them sweep her carpet. Seriously, why did my abuelita always make me sweep the carpet?

via HuffPo