Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess
They’ve been together a while now. They’re beautiful and fashionable and they’ve travelled the world. This sense of adventure extends beyond geography. After so many years, it would appear that these two are still super hot for each other.
At a party very recently, they wandered into the garden. They started kissing, rubbing, grinding. He went between her thighs...with his hands...and an accessory.
A cucumber.
In the garden.
At a party.
With a cucumber.
She enjoyed it.
They didn’t know at the time but there was an audience. When they figured that out they were obviously mortified. They’re a lot luckier than Kristen Stewart though. The evidence in this case will not be published. (Lainey Gossip)
So they really just ripped that cucumber off the vine and used it as nature's dildo? That's some Adam & Eve shit. It's the closest you'll get to knowing what it's like riding Jolly Green Giant. But I have a lot of questions. Did dude at least take it to the nearest garden hose and wash off the dirt and worm poo before shoving it up her chocha, or did he just do it hippie-style? Is her pussy a vegan? When she came, did it smell like dressing? What did they do to the cucumber afterward? Did they just toss it back in the garden and leave it for some poor soul who used it to make cucumber sandwiches? Did the people he serve the cucumber sandwiches to wonder why the tea sandwiches were extra cream cheesy and a little sardinesey? These are the questions I need answers to when Lainey throws down a blind item about two hos partaking in some vegetosexual lovin'.
Oh, and my guess is Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman?
The last time this A-List actress texted nude pics of herself to an ex, her phone got hacked and the images were plastered all over the Internet. You’d think that would have taught her a lesson, but she’s done it again! Although she’s dating a businessman now, the blonde 20-something actress sent racy photos to her well-known actor “friends with benefits” pal – and he’s been sharing them with all of his Hollywood buddies!
ScarJo? And I guess bitch won't stop until everyone's seen her titty balls in blurry ass cell phone pictures.
I have to say that in the world of diva's, this one is one of my favorites. She has been in this space before for a fairly big thing, but for an entirely different reason than today's item. Through the years, our diva, who is an A list diva, but on a lesser scale when it comes to her actual talent has always acted a little more innocent than she really is. She has done a little bit of everything and has A list name recognition and is known throughout the world. Back in the day she was involved with another A list celebrity. She liked to stay in the background and pretended she was this naive person when it came to the real world. But she isn't. She played our celebrity exactly the way he needed to be played and she walked away with well over $2M from her time with him and never paid for anything and earned a huge sum for herself much of which was based on the publicity she got from being with him. One time, our diva was involved in something very messy. She pleaded ignorance and that she had no idea what was going on, when in fact, she was the one who caused it all to happen by her actions. Later, she basically ran the same con again with another celebrity. She walked away with millions in cash and gifts and some huge paychecks that were way more than she should have been earning, but the publicity allowed her to get her rates way way up. From the time our diva first burst on to the scene, she has been cold and calculating and makes every decision with a very cold heart. It is all business and everything she does is business.
JLo. The end.
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Submitted by YourClothesAreDead on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 12:02pm.
Why can't Jlo just OD? She's an 'artist' right?
^^^^^
She's WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY over the magical age of 27. Damn it.
#1-- couldn't care less.
#2--ditto.
#3-- fuckin a right it's J-Lo. that bitch has a Ginsu knife for a heart.
Submitted by sillykat on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 1:29pm.
#1 Pacey and D. Kruger. They are beautiful, she's a fashion darling, they travel a lot, have been together awhile.
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Thats immediately who came to mind for me too cause of the whole 'fashionable' description. Them, or Rosie Huntington-Whitely and her little man.
Do people describe Brangelina as fashionable? That doesn't sound right.
This is why I always decline the cuke sammies at all the garden parties I frequently attend.
I'm not sure if Lainey writes as poorly as EL James, but it's close.
Brad & Angie with the cucumber, afterall I'm sure Brad has NEVER been enough for her !
OMG Sayonara, her Fly Girls nose!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
of course #3 is JHO Bag. She's an old school HO and never leaves a penny on the nightstand after she gets boned. Her disgusting antics are well documented, all of the Wayans Brothers, Tommy Mottola (she broke up his marriage with Mimi), Diddy, Affleck and now Marc A. She is a horrid low class no talent piece of Castle Hill trash. She is an irrelevant pig back on her way to obscurity where she belongs.
She Stinks!
JLo. The end. - YES
And MK, that cucumber picture is art! hehehe ☺
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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I know he links to her blog, but if MK beocmes friends with fag hag Lainey I WILL FREAKIN DIE!!!!1!!!
Submitted by agirl on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 3:58pm.
The last one is definitely JLo. She's always been a calculating lying hoor. I'll betcha anything she slept will ALL the Wayans brothers (and anyone else who happened to be around at the time, except maybe Jim Carrey, lol) to get her fat ass on "In Living Color" as a fly girl pre-nose job.
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It would not surprise me one bit.
What more can I say Top Billin'... Audio Two
If I was there, I would have passed on the salad at dinner.
What more can I say Top Billin'... Audio Two
Submitted by aaa on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 3:31pm.
i worked in produce at a healthy grocery store chain for years and some people would buy cucumbers exactly for this reason. image search: european cucumber
edit: some are also shrink wrapped, meaning they are rinsed and ready to go (for salads).
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My brain first thought "no" then English cucumber popped into my head. Aha moment.
There are cucumber varieties that are smoothed skinned, English cucumbers.
I have a gentle, soft and sensitive vadge so I could never have a cucumber up there. Oh no.
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Dark-sided!
I hate to admit it, but I do read Lainey on a fairly regular basis. Her site is over-written and boorish but she really does have juicy, accurate gossip. One thing I know from reading her is that she has a barely contained contempt for Posh. She would NEVER describe her as beautiful. But she does love The Brange (especially "The Jolie") with all her heart, and she is constantly writing about how much they love each other, and how hot they are for each other, and how hot they are together.
My guess is that Brad and Angie pulled this stunt at a diplomatic function, where the guests would be scandalized and titilated by such behaviour, but wouldn't necessarily whip out their cell phones or run to TMZ with the news. And the cucumber thing was probably a detail that got added in the retelling of the story. They were probably really just straight-up screwing.
1. Skankelina and Brad
2. Don't care
3. JBlows
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"Going to Burger King to eat healthy is like going to a prostitute for a hug." Dlister Supah 8.20.11
The last one is definitely JLo. She's always been a calculating lying hoor. I'll betcha anything she slept will ALL the Wayans brothers (and anyone else who happened to be around at the time, except maybe Jim Carrey, lol) to get her fat ass on "In Living Color" as a fly girl pre-nose job.
yea I was thinking Posh & David Beckham for #1. It's probably how Posh gets some nourishment from vegetables without the calories.
#3 is mega diva kunt bitch on broomstick jlo.
the ho bag played:
husbands 1 - 3
affleck the chump
diddy-doody whatever the hell hes called
AI
shes garbage.
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
i worked in produce at a healthy grocery store chain for years and some people would buy cucumbers exactly for this reason. image search: european cucumber
edit: some are also shrink wrapped, meaning they are rinsed and ready to go (for salads).
#3 sounds like JLO- God how I hate JLO
Actually you can remove those little spikes on cukes just by running your bare hand over the cuke or with a paper towel.
Of course #3 is JLo, she just played AI the same way she played men, use to gain a new audience then dump and be on your own.
Puerto Rican women are lethal.
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Gals are "just friends." Guys are "just waitin."
Submitted by Datura on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 11:48am.
I call bullshit on the first one. Cucumbers have little spikes all over them right when you pick them off the plant. Ow ow ow
^^^^^^^^^^ Same here...I just picked some out of my garden yesterday and felt like I'd climbed over the razor wire at San Quentin by the time I was done. They might have gotten a store bought cuke where all the spikes were washed off, but NOT fresh picked. They must think WE'RE fresh picked to think we'd believe this.
Guess for BI#2 = Tina Yothers? If she's not A-list, who the hell is?
Submitted by Athina on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 12:17pm.
People, people! Follow the clues to # 1. Fashionable, world travelers, VEGETABLE GARDEN. This obviously took place in the Hamptons and it's INA GARTEN and her HUBBY!!
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You are on to something!!!! Jeffrey or one of her many gay husbands?
#1 Pacey and D. Kruger. They are beautiful, she's a fashion darling, they travel a lot, have been together awhile.
#2 Don't care.
#3 Totes sounds like J Lo except....what kind of calculating businesswoman would date a loser like she is now? I can't even listen to any of her new songs because they remind me of her relationship with that dude. Ugh. Bad move, J.
Yeah, I call BS on the cucumber story too. An unwashed cucumber from a garden at a party? Really gross. The blind says beautiful and fashionable. We all know Brange is a brand and so are the rest of the high profile couples. No way would they get it on with a dirty cucumber in public! Now if it was Keshit or someone like that who was implied in the blind item, then maybe...otherwise no.
lol@ #1
scarjo for sure #2
jlo for #3...she is very calculated with everything she does...i think the dudes are p diffy (typo and it stays) and mark anthony...both those guys were in "commited" relationships before jlo's magical vagina attacked them...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
I don't think the cucumber story is BS, Lainey may be annoying to some but she seems to have strong work ethics.
1. Billy Ray and Miley Cyrus.
Only Miley Cyrus would attend a garden party where the garden had cucumbers in it.
JLo is right i think but i think the victims are Skeletor as the first example, Puffy as the second example[the messy nightclub shooting] and Affleck as the third example
add me to the list who think the cucumber story is some bullshit somebody told Laney just to see if Laney would be stupid enough to publish it. and now they know.
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by Athina on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 12:17pm.
People, people! Follow the clues to # 1. Fashionable, world travelers, VEGETABLE GARDEN. This obviously took place in the Hamptons and it's INA GARTEN and her HUBBY!!
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*THORWS UP*
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
The loving couple is Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter, God love 'em. Bet it was in front of Royalty, too.
Submitted by Margaret on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 12:24pm.
Very good guess.
Joshua Jackson and Diane Kruger for the first one?
J Lo.....first Puffy, then Ben Affleck.
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Now when you look at me, you're condemned to see
The monster your mother made you to be
And there ya got me, that's how you got free, you got rid of me
Diane Kruger and Joshua Jackson for #1. I am pretty sure about this one.
3. J Lo for sure and the A lister was probably P Diddy erhm Puff Daddy I mean Sean Combs or what he is called these days.
People, people! Follow the clues to # 1. Fashionable, world travelers, VEGETABLE GARDEN. This obviously took place in the Hamptons and it's INA GARTEN and her HUBBY!!
Submitted by Datura on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 11:48am.
I call bullshit on the first one. Cucumbers have little spikes all over them right when you pick them off the plant. Ow ow ow.
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Not necessarily. These spikes don't look very scary:
http://tinyurl.com/cboe9yq
And, frankly, if you can fit a cucumber up, uh, there (how?!?!?!), the spikes might add to it.
A better question is how celebrities can do something so shocking, so publicly, which gets told to a gossip columnist, but no one gets outed. And no one takes pictures, which is...*snorts*
Or maybe it's because Lainey annoys me so much.
#1 - David and Posh "Veggie Dip" Beckham
#2 - yeah, probably Scarjo
#3 - don't know. J. Ho's as good a guess as any.
Why can't Jlo just OD? She's an 'artist' right?
No way it #1 cant be posh and becks!!
cucumbers have too many calories, posh would never have that in her.
Haha, that first one reads like the game 'Clue'.
Posh and Becks.
In the shrubbery.
With a phallic vegetable.
She immediately threw up.
Submitted by Capitanne on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 11:55am.
#1 Posh and Becks have zero sense of adventure, so I'll say Brad and Angie. You know she's had all kinds of stuff shoved up there when she's being lezzy. And Brad looks too wasted to get it up.
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Let's be honest, if it were Skankilina, it would have to be an eggplant
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How can a man be a mom?
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 11:54am.
LOL! The imagery of that is too hilarious!
Anyway, how does a couple go about sneaking off to a vegetable garden during a party, and how do you know that these people have a veggie garden in the first place, and who was the one who saw this whole crime against vegetables take place?
Well whoever it is needs Cialis or something.
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 11:54am.
can you really imagine him screwing her with a cucumber?
The average cucumber is thicker than her leg. No.
Danny Devito was gross on The Today Show & now this! *runs screaming*
#1 Posh and Becks have zero sense of adventure, so I'll say Brad and Angie. You know she's had all kinds of stuff shoved up there when she's being lezzy. And Brad looks too wasted to get it up.