Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

They’ve been together a while now. They’re beautiful and fashionable and they’ve travelled the world. This sense of adventure extends beyond geography. After so many years, it would appear that these two are still super hot for each other.

At a party very recently, they wandered into the garden. They started kissing, rubbing, grinding. He went between her thighs…with his hands…and an accessory.

A cucumber.

In the garden.

At a party.

With a cucumber.

She enjoyed it.

They didn’t know at the time but there was an audience. When they figured that out they were obviously mortified. They’re a lot luckier than Kristen Stewart though. The evidence in this case will not be published. (Lainey Gossip)

So they really just ripped that cucumber off the vine and used it as nature’s dildo? That’s some Adam & Eve shit. It’s the closest you’ll get to knowing what it’s like riding Jolly Green Giant. But I have a lot of questions. Did dude at least take it to the nearest garden hose and wash off the dirt and worm poo before shoving it up her chocha, or did he just do it hippie-style? Is her pussy a vegan? When she came, did it smell like dressing? What did they do to the cucumber afterward? Did they just toss it back in the garden and leave it for some poor soul who used it to make cucumber sandwiches? Did the people he serve the cucumber sandwiches to wonder why the tea sandwiches were extra cream cheesy and a little sardinesey? These are the questions I need answers to when Lainey throws down a blind item about two hos partaking in some vegetosexual lovin’.

Oh, and my guess is Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman?

The last time this A-List actress texted nude pics of herself to an ex, her phone got hacked and the images were plastered all over the Internet. You’d think that would have taught her a lesson, but she’s done it again! Although she’s dating a businessman now, the blonde 20-something actress sent racy photos to her well-known actor “friends with benefits” pal – and he’s been sharing them with all of his Hollywood buddies!

ScarJo? And I guess bitch won’t stop until everyone’s seen her titty balls in blurry ass cell phone pictures.

I have to say that in the world of diva’s, this one is one of my favorites. She has been in this space before for a fairly big thing, but for an entirely different reason than today’s item. Through the years, our diva, who is an A list diva, but on a lesser scale when it comes to her actual talent has always acted a little more innocent than she really is. She has done a little bit of everything and has A list name recognition and is known throughout the world. Back in the day she was involved with another A list celebrity. She liked to stay in the background and pretended she was this naive person when it came to the real world. But she isn’t. She played our celebrity exactly the way he needed to be played and she walked away with well over $2M from her time with him and never paid for anything and earned a huge sum for herself much of which was based on the publicity she got from being with him. One time, our diva was involved in something very messy. She pleaded ignorance and that she had no idea what was going on, when in fact, she was the one who caused it all to happen by her actions. Later, she basically ran the same con again with another celebrity. She walked away with millions in cash and gifts and some huge paychecks that were way more than she should have been earning, but the publicity allowed her to get her rates way way up. From the time our diva first burst on to the scene, she has been cold and calculating and makes every decision with a very cold heart. It is all business and everything she does is business.

JLo. The end.