If you’re the loved one of a Twihard and had some bad news to tell them… First of all, I’m sorry you’re the loved one of a Twihard. Second of all, last night would’ve been the perfect night to tell them your bad news even if it was something like, “Your dad is divorcing me, because he just found out your biological father is Michael Lohan and your new puppy just died after eating and choking on the autographed RPanttiez you traded one of your kidneys for.” They wouldn’t have cared, because they’d be too busy scrubbing out the “Robsten 4Ever” Sharpie tattoo on their chest to replace it with a “Die Kunsten Stewfart” Sharpie tattoo. So you missed an opportunity if you didn’t drop that bad news on them last night.
Just hours after Twihard Meltdown 2012, Liberty Ross, Rupert Sanders’ wife and the actress who played Kristen Stewart’s mom in that Snow White shit, left a few mysterious messages on Twitter. Liberty followed UsWeekly (!!!!), re-tweeted some Marilyn Monroe quote (!!!!!) and then tweeted the word “WOW” (!!!!!!!) before deleting her account.
I know. All this suspense has left your ass on the edge of your seat. But I’m guessing you’re on the edge of your seat, because your only response to this is a fart and there’s nothing worse than suffocating a fart on the seat of your office chair. Let it be free.
But really, this is more staged and choreographed than a John Travolta and Kelly Preston photo-op. The pictures, the deleted Twitter account… They planned all of this shit. Since Tommy Girl and Katie Holmes ended their contract marriage with some serious dramatic theatrics, Kristen and RPattz are trying to show them up. Whatever, at least this staged escandalo stunt has given us priceless response after priceless response from Twihards on Twitter and Tumblr. You should really take a moment to dive into the delusional craziness by searching the Kristen Stewart and Robsten tags on Tumblr and Twitter. Either they don’t want to believe or they’re out for blood. I thank those crazies for giving me the laughs by calling Kristen and Rupert, “Ho White and the Cuntsman.”
UPDATE: Click here to see the receipts from UsWeekly of Rupert giving Kristen a shoulder beej and possibly going down on her twatlight in her car. You should hate me for this, but Kristen getting her box chowed on in a parked car makes her like her just a teensy bit.
via E! Online