But Here’s My Number, So Sext Me, Maybe?

July 25, 2012 / Posted by:

Fake nekkid ass nekkid pictures of that “Call Me Maybe?” girl, Carly Rae Jepsen, have been making the rounds for the last few days, but now TMZ is saying that real and recent nekkid ass nekkid pictures of her exist and the hacker who stole them is trying to sell them to the highest bidder. Don’t worry, if the pictures ever see the light of the Internet, looking at them won’t make Chris Hansen slip out of your pantry to tell you to have a glass of lemonade before having a seat in the easy chair in the corner, because Carly Rae Jepsen is actually 26 years old. Bitch just acts and dresses like a 14-year-old Mickey Mouse Club reject who still draws pink hearts over all her is. But I guess that fact still makes her naked pictures every layer of NOT RIGHT.

TMZ says that back in March, Carly Rae called the Vancouver Police Department to report that an anonymous tipster told her that someone snatched pictures of her…well….snatch….from her computer. After investigating the tip, the police declared that she had been hacked and they already have their eyes focused on one possible hacker.

When these tricks start to become famous, their publicist, or whoever, should really tell them that if they don’t want their nipple knobs and fuck parts wallpapered all over the Internet, they should do at least one of the following things:

1) Don’t take pictures of your naked body.
2) If your ass must, keep your face out of the picture and use your finger to hit the delete button as soon as those pictures make it to their destination.
3) Change the timestamp on the camera to a date weeks before your 18th birthday, so you can at least try to play the Minka Kelly card.
4) If a piece insists on a naked picture of your ass, just do what half of the hos on Craigslists’ Casual Encounters section do. Send a naked picture of some random you found on the Internet. Actually, don’t do that, because nothing is worse than showing up to some hook up’s apartment and finding out that instead of looking like Ryan Gosling (like he did in his picture), he looks more like current day Ryan O’Neal. And since you’re such a dedicated slut, you do it anyway since you did come all that way.

And yes, like with most things in life, we can blame this on Justin Bieber.

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