Prince Albert of Monaco and his imprisoned, contract wife Princess Charlene sat down for an interview with CBS This Morning and it’s exactly the kind of interview you’d expect from a couple who never fuck, can’t stand each other and are only together for image purposes. “Awwww, memories” said Katie Holmes.
When Holly Williams asks Princess Charlene how she’s enjoying married life, she nervously and awkwardly laughs before letting out some canned answer. If you put a microscope up to that laugh, you’d see the words “HELP ME! OR AT LEAST GIVE ME A STRONG ROPE SO I CAN HANG MYSELF FROM THAT BOOM MIC!” encoded into it. At one point, Prince Pierced Peen calls a time out on the interview while Princess Charlene wishes she can call a time out on her life. Princess Charlene is then asked what qualities drew her to Prince Albert and again, she laughs to keep from saying that it wasn’t a quality that pushed her into the arms of her husband, it was a pistol pointed at her back by an armed guard. An interview between John Travolta’s hungry hole and a vagina would be less awkward than this. It’s a mess.
As Lainey points out, Princess Charlene only looks happy when she’s laying her eyes on the hot swimmers. When she’s with Prince Pierced Peen, who really does look like a pierced penis head (swollen and confused), she looks like she’s trying to find a door or window that isn’t locked. If this icy interview came in cube form, you could use it to make the vodka on the rocks you’ll need to down to get through this bizarre as all hell conversation.