Tuesday, July 24th 2012

And Every Twihard Just Melted Into A Puddle Of Sparkly Misery

In case you haven't looked out your window recently, the streets are filled with mental health professionals in white coats chasing down Twihards carrying burning cardboard cutouts of Kristen Stewart while calling her a sparkle vamp-hating slut whore tramp skank harlot. Because UsWeekly has pictures in their next issue of KStew sucking on the face of Rupert Sanders on July 17th. No, Rupert Sanders is not a weird name for a lesbian who really gets into getting her coochie lips bitten repeatedly. Rupert Sanders is a dude (pause for you to compose yourself after learning that KStew actually cheated with a man) who directed her in Snow White and is married with two kids. Oh, Rupert, you nasty slut, you just couldn't resist the allure of a trick who always looks like she's trying to push out a burp and a fart at the same time.

People also has this story and my guess is that Kristen Stewart's people ran to them after finding out UsWeekly bought the pictures. So they tried to soften things and make it sound like she just jumped on the peen for a quick second. This is what People's "source" said about Cheatlight: Breaking Rob:

"Kristen is absolutely devastated. It was a mistake and a complete lapse in judgment. She wasn't having an affair with Rupert. It was just a fleeting moment that shouldn't have happened. She never meant to hurt anyone. She's a good person who just made a bad choice."

They should've just said that Kristen's lip biting problem has gotten so out of control that she now bites the lips of other people and that's why her mouth was on Rupert's mouth. That is a believable explanation! But seriously, we all know what's going on here. Since that Twatlight mess is ending in November, that means RPattz and KStew's contract ends in November too. So they came up with this cheating scandal. I see you, bitches!

So because of this, Sienna Miller needs to hold her applause and not welcome Kristen Stewart into the Home Wrecking Whores of the World Club just yet.

And will somebody please put Nutty Madam on Suicide Watch.

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melx's picture

two words: serial cheater.

KeyLimePie's picture

HopefUlly they will part ways and ultimately mate with partners who have upper lips.

beakers bitch's picture

Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Wed, 07/25/2012 - 12:23pm.
I want to go back to an earlier time when we could form a torch-and-pitchfork mob and stone these two to death in a dense, lonely, dark forest, followed by decapitation and a hasty burial. Then we would all go have tankards of ale at the Bloated Ogre tavvrn.

LOL! Have I told you lately that I love you?

I dunno, I’d be pretty hesitant to having my family jewels being handled by someone that bites her lips as much as the unwashed one does.

Whatever's picture

Maybe this could have been real if KStew wasn't looking directly at the paps snapping the pictures. She is such a terrible actress.

Get Serious's picture

Who. The. Fuck. Cares.

She's the most over-hyped and excessively over-paid actress in hollywood; her acting skills are highly suspect. I hope she sucks all the money possible out of the twilight series, because the future for an actress who's only emotion is lip biting ain't the most bright. And, now she publically fucks around with another dude, which probably invalidates her non-marriage beard contract with sparkle vamp... then has her publicist (who needs firing) issue one of the lamest press releases ever. Add "Intelligent" to the list of things she's not...

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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer

M.E.'s picture

So, KStew is a serial cheater? Makes sense.

IHateCharityChic - I doubt it. I don't know for sure but it seems to me that Jolie didn't have nearly as many fans before Pitt as Stewart has now, let alone anyone interested in her broken relationship with Billy Bob (at least if the tabloid covers in the grocery store check-out lines are any indication). She had a reputation as a freak until she "stole" Pitt away from Anisten because that drama brought attention to her saintliness and good works while Anisten was blamed for being a self-absorbed, selfish, career-oriented bitch who wouldn't give Brad his babies. Stewart is worshipped by her fans and her relationship with RP is a big part of that. This just proves KStew and her relationship are not who and what her fans wanted to think they were. I think she has problems.

GlitterKitty - you know what? I think they probably were genuine at one time, briefly. I think those "fans" of theirs have made things extremely difficult for them, though. Lainey of Lainey's Gossip is the one who introduced me to the twittards and boy, are they something.

This "couple" probably started while Stewart was with her first boyfriend (whom the "fans" hated), so they couldn't really flaunt anything there. Then they have the "fans" who threatened that woman from Lost who costarred with RP in RM if she showed up at ComiCon. Then they have the ones who threatened Stewart if she showed up at the WFE premier. Seeing the huge investment some had in their relationship and the huge investment some had in their non relationship, plus the fact that they were holed up together for years doing these movies and are probably extremely close from this shared Twilight experience, feeling a loyalty and understanding towards each other that few others will ever get... well, let the one set of fans think what they want and refuse to satisfy the haters at the same time. I think RP (supposedly) had girls on the "down low" instead of in the open out of a sense of responsibility to his friend. I don't think Stewart cheated on RP, but I think who she got caught with is going to be a huge problem for her. I honestly don't think their relationship (as they knew it to be) was ever a sham, but I wonder if RP will feel humiliated (because he, after all, fulfilled his part) or if he'll just be grateful that the Bella and Edward crap is over. To tell the truth, I think he's probably worried about Stewart right now.

salacious's picture

Bitch please; only twihards thought they've been dating.

Isn't it odd that these bitches were extra careful about getting photographed together for YEARS (it took years for them to get caught holding hands) and now we're supposed to believe that one of them was stupid enough to let the paps capture "a lapse in judgment"?

It seems to me that she wanted out of the contract more than Robbie-girl did. Now she's free to pussy-worship Charlize, and Pattinson is available to become Tommy Girl's heteroflexible life partner. He should expect TG's phone call.

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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.

SANS FARDS's picture

A Katy Perry/John Mayer pairing would almost rival Kim Kartrashian and Kanye in terms of sheer unmitigated douchery. The world would surely not survive such an apocalyptic event.

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It's PHELPS time!

Lucifer_Sam's picture

Submitted by GlitterKitty on Wed, 07/25/2012 - 12:45pm.
As am I..

Figured that one out when you said "whatevs love". Sit the fuck down.

Lucifer_Sam's picture

Submitted by crazyinjapan on Wed, 07/25/2012 - 9:38am.
I love British men! You can send me your extras. ;)

Hahaha, I'll send you them all!

GlitterKitty's picture

It was a joke, you dimwitted asshole. I'm British so one would see the irony of ME making that generalisation.
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As am I.. ehrm.. asshole? really? And nationalities don't exactly appear on profiles here.

Naughychimp's picture

Submitted by Mayo on Tue, 07/24/2012 - 11:56pm.

His wife is waaay prettier than mouthbreather, why guys always cheat on their significant other with fug bitches? Why!?
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Well, the saying goes, "Men cheat down and women cheat up." Men usually cheat 'cuz they're perfectly content with their wives but crave some variety. Womenz usually cheat bc they're miserable with their husbands and want to escape into a better relationship.

britmachine's picture

Wait... what's going on? lol

Submitted by literarylioness on Wed, 07/25/2012 - 8:40am.

So what you're saying is… that YOU are boring?

*********

I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

TiredofthisCrap's picture

I smell publicity stunt.

Just saw the other photos some other sites have decided to post them. Now the robsten's can't deny the obvious.

Stessie1216's picture

KStew needs to fire her public relations people ASAP. That is the worst statement I have ever read.

MK's statement was just as good, "I jumped on the peen for just a second but I didn't mean to"

grommet's picture

Fake fake fake fake fake fake fake.

Come on.

If anyone on earth knows that a camera might be on them at ANY moment, it's this trick. Please.

Her "relationship" was fake and so is this.

ISprainedMyUvula's picture

I'm more shocked she has one man to fuck given her total lack of hygiene, much less two.

And if memory serves me correctly, she had a boyfriend when she started shooting Twilight and the rumor mills swirled that she and Robert were on each other before that was over so for her, it could be par for the course.

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If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it.

Stan Hooper's picture

I swore this was some blind item. Everyone thought it was Miley Cyrus and look its this dull-as-dishwater gal. Yawn..

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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie

moonmaid's picture

Now if she'd cheated with Thor, that would have been tragic.

LastBanana's picture

The rest of the scans are online if you look for them. If anyone cares that is, but I like to troll for train wrecks, I'm weird like that. And she definitely doesn't look uncomfortable when they're making out in the car and him looking like he's going down on her in broad daylight. Does this mean we can stop talking about all things Twatlight now? Please someone say yes.

ImpertinentVixen's picture

I want to go back to an earlier time when we could form a torch-and-pitchfork mob and stone these two to death in a dense, lonely, dark forest, followed by decapitation and a hasty burial. Then we would all go have tankards of ale at the Bloated Ogre tavvrn.

►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄
Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.

moonmaid's picture

I'm more disturbed by the allegations on the cover that Katy Perry is hooking up with John Mayer. How that guy can get anyone is beyond me! :P

crazyinjapan's picture

Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Tue, 07/24/2012 - 10:32pm. Maybe she hasn't cottoned on to the fact that British men are the most boring human beings on earth.
_________________________

I love British men! You can send me your extras. ;)

moonmaid's picture

This is news? Who cares?

People in their 20s do all sorts of stupid things in their private lives. Luckily for most of us, it's not splashed all over web pages and magazines. BTW, she looks all sorts of uncomfortable in that picture, like the director is forcing his affections on her.

Where are the rest of the pictures?

bambam's picture

Nooooo! This can't be! Their relationship has been so strong. Does this mean the end of their relatinship after the third installment comes out?
*chews fingernails*

***************
Can guys and gals be "just friends?" Gals are "just friends." Guys are "just waitin."

literarylioness's picture

Submitted by GlitterKitty on Wed, 07/25/2012 - 3:29am.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Tue, 07/24/2012 - 10:32pm. I once dated a boring American. I don't assume all American men are boring.
__________________________________________________
It's true though! Americans are boring, but just don't know it. I say that as an American.

WTFOMGLOL's picture

Submitted by Mayo on Tue, 07/24/2012 - 11:56pm.

His wife is waaay prettier than mouthbreather, why guys always cheat on their significant other with fug bitches? Why!?
==========================

because they can.

zey's picture

Apparently I'm out of the loop, I thought they were just an onscreen couple and that in real life he was gay and she was a lesbian?

aliana.lohan's picture

is he ever not stoned?

LastBanana's picture

So she's a triflin' ho now too, huh? This is priceless! I bet all the idiotic Twitards that believed in this sham for the last however many years are shitting themselves right now. They'll either boycott the last movie or they'll go in droves so they can go reminisce over their precious "Robsten". I just saw the rest of the pics from the spread, btw. Hilarious.

Lucifer_Sam's picture

Liberty is beautiful. There's something mean in her face that I love. I hope she dumps that fugly ass loser.

ETA: He cheated on THIS with Rumer Willis's chin twin??? Some men really are idiots.

Lucifer_Sam's picture

Submitted by GlitterKitty on Wed, 07/25/2012 - 3:29am.
*snort* whatevs love.. No complaints from me and what a stupid generalisation. I once dated a boring American. I don't assume all American men are boring.

It was a joke, you dimwitted asshole. I'm British so one would see the irony of ME making that generalisation.

ewe's picture

I'd say the Twihards'll be happy with this news. Now Rob is free to fall in love with them.

vsminimoose's picture

Submitted by frenchflies on Wed, 07/25/2012 - 3:17am.
As for the affair - Kristen is obviously morally vacant. But then she has never represented herself otherwise. She is not respectful or classy. She doesn't take into consideration the consequences her behavior had on others when she flipped the finger during movie promos or dropped F-bombs on the red carpet. She lives in a world where she is above rules and having an affair seems par for the course. Of course she wasn't alone in the affair, but that doesn't mean her guilt is halved.

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You read Dlisted and think her finger flipping and dropping the f-word has serious consequences?
Exactly which tragic world events occur because she used the word Fuck a few times on a red carpet? Seems pretty harmless to me.

tornadolie's picture

if any of you want to see some comedy gold, just search "robsten" on tumblr.

it is seriously the end of the world for some of these girls.

DianaDeath's picture

What's this shit about Katy Perry and John Mayer?

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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK

Snarf's picture

I thought she was a lesbiterian? Whatever, Stewart's overlords at Summit are NOT going to be happy with her. Her contract with Pattinson was supposed to go through til March 2013. Unless of course, Summit has decided to stir up the dramz to drum up advance ticket sales 0f Breaking Wind pt 2 (it's only four months away).

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Shiitake happens...

IHateCharityChic's picture

Submitted by aaa on Wed, 07/25/2012 - 3:50am.
DAMN -- check out the comments:

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20614660,00.html#disqus_thread

...saying its been retracted.

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It hasn't been retracted per se. If you click on the US Weekly link it says oops and does not make the story available. Was it taken down because it was retracted or because the Twi-hards crashed the link? I'm betting the twihards went stark raving mad and crashed the link because it's still on People's site. And as the People mag marketing department will tell you, "if it's in People it must be true." LOL.

loopygorilla's picture

oh puh lease, that relationship was fake as hell.

finally kstew has had her hymen broken, so some dude actually physically fucked her instead of some fake ass movie shit.

GlitterKitty's picture

Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Tue, 07/24/2012 - 10:32pm. Maybe she hasn't cottoned on to the fact that British men are the most boring human beings on earth.
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*snort* whatevs love.. No complaints from me and what a stupid generalisation. I once dated a boring American. I don't assume all American men are boring. As for that pic.. jesus I actually thought kstew and rpatz were genuine as they didn't milk that relationship enough for it to be a stunt but how awkward and set up does that embrace look like?

frenchflies's picture

I simply never bought the illusion of their relationship. She always seemed to force the appearance of being comfortable with him. I assumed that most intelligent adults accepted that this was to sell the movie because the stakes were so high. I have to admit that faking it for three years is not that big a price to pay to set yourself and future generations up for life.

As for the affair - Kristen is obviously morally vacant. But then she has never represented herself otherwise. She is not respectful or classy. She doesn't take into consideration the consequences her behavior had on others when she flipped the finger during movie promos or dropped F-bombs on the red carpet. She lives in a world where she is above rules and having an affair seems par for the course. Of course she wasn't alone in the affair, but that doesn't mean her guilt is halved.

Well, I suppose this means Robert Pattinson is free to see other men now...

Submitted by 12stepstohell on Wed, 07/25/2012 - 1:30am.

I love that movie. A totally overlooked classic.

Submitted by IHateCharityChic on Wed, 07/25/2012 - 1:53am.

Ah, but the difference between St. Angie and KStew is that Angelina once had a public image that was interesting. Probably all fake, but it was INTERESTING. KStew has the public image of being schlumpy and trashy, and trying really desperately to be edgy (and failing because she's in fucking Twilight).

Also, Angie was genuinely gorgeous back then. KStew looks like a boy with a padded bra and rabbit teeth.

*********

I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.