TMZ says that long before Minka Kelly, seen here poking the eyes out of her dog friend (or whatever the hell she’s doing in that picture above) a couple of weeks ago, made a piece of Styrofoam look like it’s full of emotions by trying to act on Friday Night Lights, she made a fuck tape that’s currently being shopped to the highest bidder. Those of you whores who are into the bland cauliflower version of Leighton Meester and have been waiting for this moment, shouldn’t pull down your panties just yet. Because TMZ says that Minka’s sex tape could close the PedoBear Film Festival, because there’s a chance she’s under the age of 18 in it. So that’s why when you Googled “Minka Kelly Sex Tape” just now, this GIF came up.
Apparently, Minka Kelly (or as the CDC calls her, Jeter Herpe Victim #864) made the tape in New Mexico with an ex-boyfriend and they both knew their crotch thrusts were being recorded. The camera was set up on a tripod and was hooked up to a TV, so Minka and her boyfriend could watch themselves going at it. TMZ thinks that the tape could be stamped with the PedoBear seal of approval, because Minka dances and sings to two songs on Brandy’s “Never Say Never” album, which came out two weeks before Minka’s 18th birthday on June 8, 1998.
If Minka is playing the “Mah Pussay Was Illegal In That Video” card to stop hos from seeing that shit if it leaked, then she needs to come up with better proof than the Brandy thing. I mean, Brandy’s “Never Say Never” album is as classic as Beethoven and not a second goes by when someone on this planet isn’t dancing and singing to it. So the Brandy theory is invalid. But the most shocking detail of this sex tape is that Minka can actually sing and dance at the same time since anybody who watched that Charlie’s Angels mess know that she can’t say lines and act at the same time.