Monday, July 23rd 2012

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Lindsay Lohan has just finished her first week of shooting Bret Easton Ellis' low-budget, soft-core mess The Canyons with porn star James Deen, and the movie's director Paul Schrader is so crackstruck that he's dribbling out LOL-inducing words of fuckery about her performance on the movie's Facebook page. LiLo's performance as a drunk L.A. slut whore is so complex that if you peeled away the thick layers of her performance, not only would you find a thin film of slightly-dried ass wart pus, but you'd also find shades of Gena Rowlands, Ann Margaret, Faye Dunaway and a bunch of other actresses she should never be compared to.

This note from Paul makes so much more sense if you picture him typing it while White Oprah stands next to him, threatening to flash her tit bags at him if he doesn't spread the delusion:

LINDSAY. Seven days in, first full week completed. Lindsay Lohan is a huge fan of Hollywood glamour and performances from the Golden Era. Working with her every day on varied scenes I've been making a mental checklist of classic movie performances she's touched upon. There's has been a lot of Ann Margaret, some Gena Rowlands and Faye Dunaway and of course some bits of Liz Taylor and Monroe as well as a little Rita Hayworth and even Gene Tierney (although the last may be more my creation than hers). Oh yeah, and Angie Dickinson. And Lee Remick. And Shelley Winters... . Paul S.

That really took Paul a lot of keystrokes to simply say: "I just smoked up the greatest crack in the city with Blohan!" 

via ONTD

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FabulousDivaBuns's picture

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! was exactly my reaction

The_Big_Bad_Wolf_743's picture

Do the world a favor and shut up and bleed.

I remember a time when I actually wanted to read Brett Easton Ellis' books. Then out came Lunar Park and I realize this guy snorted one line too many.

I remember a time when I actually wanted to watch a movie based on a book by Brett Easton Ellis. Then out came The Informers and I realized that the only thing worth seeing in this movie was all the ample time it gave me to eye hump a very naked Amber Heard.

I remember a time when I actually liked Paul Schrader as a director. Then out came Dominion: Prequel To The Exorcist and I got kicked out of the movie for shouting "I WANT MY 2 HOURS BACK!".

I like Lindsay. I never thought I would but I do. I don't know who this James Deen is and I don't really care. I also remember a time not too long ago when media hacks said all these mean and nasty things about Drew Barrymore.

Ham Sandwich's picture

Gena Rowlands for HSOTD !! I think she needs to be inducted. How about it Michael?

loopygorilla's picture

GOOORRRRGGEEOOUSSS

i am lost for words.

Lindsay looks like a geisha.

Mani6's picture

Paul Schrader probably just doesn't know what to say about Blohan but I'll give him a break. Taxi Driver was one of my favorite movies of all time.

Dj Tenn.'s picture

she has now crossed over into Edie Beale Grey Gardens crazy territory..

Its not plastic surgery , its a medical condition!!

RandéSleepover's picture

Schrader probably gets a cut of the profits and is just engaged in hype. That's why he threw it up on FB. Since his career is not doing so well of late, it also doesn't hurt to get his name out there.

I won't be doing anything to increase the profits of or ratings for this movie or the Lifetime one. I'll be damned if I help keep Lohan in Ketel One.

Grace Disful's picture

She's Liz Tayler, he's James Deen and this is the Millennial answer to Giant.

I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.

Mani6's picture

Wow...she's so Nanette Fabray!

Few Words's picture

ima having a good time watching this piece of shit implode.

☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.

So that what she did with all of samRo pussy pubs that bitch cray KISSES BITCHES CHECK OUT MY BLOG
WWW.ABDV.ONSUGAR.COM

If a bird pooped on her head she'd look like Frankenstein's bride.

LaChaylo's picture

Why does she look like mad woman playing dress up? Her makeup is HORRIBLE. Wait, I can't blame the makeup when the face it's on is atrocious.

SANS FARDS's picture

Submitted by britmachine on Mon, 07/23/2012 - 6:18pm.
Has anyone ever gone on her twitter or facebook and attempted to show her these horrible pictures of herself?? So she would maybe, I don't know, wake the fuck up to how bad she looks?!

_______________________________________________

This loon, in her crack-fogged haze, would probably be so enamored with her beauty that she'd waste away, Narcissus-style.

Hey, maybe you're onto something there...

_______________________________________________

It's PHELPS time!

mefunigirl's picture

Submitted by rosehips69 on Mon, 07/23/2012 - 3:28pm.
Is this supposed to be Liz Taylor's Richard Burton 40-something boozing and smoking days?

Here's Liz in her mid 40's height of her boozing/smoking days
http://image.toutlecine.com/photos/n/o/c/noces-de-cendre-1973-04-g.jpg

http://image.toutlecine.com/photos/n/o/c/noces-de-cendre-1973-01-g.jpg

STILL kicking ass on this bloated 25 year old.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz

Wanted's picture

I don't care if Lohan gets a fucking Oscar. I am not going anywhere until I see her shoot off into the sky and explode into stardust that still lights the Hollywood crackheads today

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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
- Andrés García Torres, inventor of the Catholic Anus Ruler

Hekki's picture

Submitted by RichBitch: "I just want a Lez & Dick trailer dammit!"

ME TOOOOO!!!

I can't wait until that shitshow airs. Which reminds me to check the LifeTime website to see if there's any more info.

ETA: This is all they had. Waaaah.

http://www.mylifetime.com/movies/lifetime-movie-club/video/teaser-for-li...

RichBitch's picture

I just want a Lez & Dick trailer dammit!

Twat Muffin's picture

Hekki -- oh, you're welcome, hon!!!

Hekki's picture

Submitted by britmachine: "Has anyone ever gone on her twitter or facebook and attempted to show her these horrible pictures of herself?? So she would maybe, I don't know, wake the fuck up to how bad she looks?!

I'm really tempted to make an account that does nothing but "@LindsayLohan look at this beautiful pic of you! (link to horrible unflattering photo)" and "@LindsayLohan Look at this dedication video your fans made for you! it's beautiful! (link to that morphing video of her from baby to adult)

I get a feeling SOMEONE has to have tried doing this..."

Hell, even if someone did, don't let THAT stop you. Just let us know when it's up so we can follow it!!! I don't use my Twitter account, but I SO WOULD if you did that.

ditquoi's picture

yeah she's giving me a Joan Crawford on the downhill slide vibe in that pic.

britmachine's picture

Has anyone ever gone on her twitter or facebook and attempted to show her these horrible pictures of herself?? So she would maybe, I don't know, wake the fuck up to how bad she looks?!

I'm really tempted to make an account that does nothing but "@LindsayLohan look at this beautiful pic of you! (link to one of those lindsay/liz taylor photoshop composites)" and "@LindsayLohan Look at this dedication video your fans made for you! it's beautiful! (link to that morphing video of her from baby to adult)

I get a feeling SOMEONE has tried doing this...

WinterOwl22's picture

Hopefully she'll fuck this up. We can't have this shown in theaters. GO AWAY!

_________________________

The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!

MissDior's picture

@ Sarah Smile
How dare you!!?? :) Little Edie was a distinguished lady and a riveting entertainer! Other than the strange early baldness, they have nothing in common! I'm a maniacal Edie fan (Big and Little), and it kills me to say it, but you're right. There is a resemblance in that photo. Well, off to feed my raccoons their luncheon! ;)

joe shmoe's picture

Mentioning those women, many of whom are icons in the film industry, in the same breath as Lilo made my jaw drop. Is he on drugs?

*disgusted*

************

PrettyHateMachine's picture

I imagine this is what Liz looked like at her wake laying in her coffin.

Hekki's picture

Submitted by Twat Muffin: "Does this fucking smelly cunt give rim jobs to everyone she works with?"

OMG, why did this make me laugh so hard? The "fucking smelly cunt" really did me in. Thanks, Twatty!

Twat Muffin's picture

Does this fucking smelly cunt give rim jobs to everyone she works with?

parissucksliterally's picture

Paul S., everyone knows she's a fucking joke- so stop talking out of your ass.

***********************************************
And I kept touching my neck
To guide your eyes where I wanted you to kiss me
When we find some time alone

Deb's picture

Submitted by louise_brooks on Mon, 07/23/2012 - 3:12pm.
It's like he was just naming every single old timey movie actress he could think of.

"...and Vivian Leigh! And Jean Harlow! And Alla Nazimova! And Faye Raye! And Colleen Moore! And Mary Pickford! And Jane Mansfield!....."
----------------------------------
LOL! And I swear I saw nuances of Clara Bow and Theda Bara!

"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson

Blasphemous!
--------------
“The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”
― Dorothy Parker

Submitted by rosehips69 on Mon, 07/23/2012 - 3:28pm.
Is this supposed to be Liz Taylor's Richard Burton 40-something boozing and smoking days? Because the 25-year-old Elizabeth Taylor most of us know looked like this: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/celebrity/1015317-elizabeth_taylor/
-----------------------------------

Lindsay does look old, but in looking at pics of Liz Taylor as a kid and in her 20's, she also looked older than her age.

Hekki's picture

Submitted by tralala: "It's such a weird remark, because on the surface it *sounds* like a totally over the top compliment, but if you think about what it's saying, it's not complimentary at all."

He's damning with faint praise.

It's probably part of his contract that he has to promote the movie, and this is his way of fulfilling that. I mean, we always see these actors who clearly hate each other doing press interviews and they spew the most ridiculous bullshit.

At the risk of insulting one of my icons, she looks like Edie Beale (little Edie, natch).

Sarah Smile

Hekki's picture

What?

Dude, you're making yourself sound really stupid. Doesn't make any sense. Shut up.

turnelbup's picture

God, it's sad to see so many people trying to prop up this mess in a dress. Let it go already, it's hopeless...

*************
"When in doubt, freak 'em out" -- Sharon Needles

Or, as justincase says, "her character has a personality disorder and can't decide who she is this week."

It's such a weird remark, because on the surface it *sounds* like a totally over the top compliment, but if you think about what it's saying, it's not complimentary at all.

If you can make a "mental checklist" of specific performances and performers an actor is "touching upon" in their acting-- their inspirations/ influences are so obvious you can cite them by name-- then what you're looking at isn't good acting (which should immerse you in the fictional "reality" of the character) but rather copying, doing a series of superficial impressions (which draws attention to the schtick of the actor).

Think how strange it would be to compliment a performance by e.g. De Niro by saying you could make a "checklist" of classic performances he's touching on-- a little Marlon Brando here, a little James Cagney there, a lot of Humphrey Bogart, some Edward G. Robinson… etc. A good actor digests his influences, makes them seamlessly his own and produces something that feels genuinely original; if you can read off the influences from the performance then that's not acting, that's doing impressions.

The only way it could be a compliment is if the character itself that Lohan is playing draws upon these influences-- if it's the kind of character that acts as if she's a glamorous Hollywood star, who's incorporated these Hollywood types into their behavior/ persona/ personality. Which, if she's a prostitute or porn star, is possible.

TexnDoc's picture

I'm telling you, I know where he's coming from. About 20-25 pounds later and after the 2nd or 3rd suicide attempt this bitch is going to be my favorite actress of all time.

Has she pulled the Judy Garland trick for getting out of paying her hotel bill yet? Get a room on a high floor with a balcony and tell the manager "You don't want Dorothy jumping to her death here, does you?" and walk away without paying a dime.

... and a PS to P.S. -- it's Ann-Margret, not "Ann Margaret". And to think you once co-wrote the screenplay for "Raging Bull".

justincase's picture

He is suggesting that her character has a personality disorder and can't decide who she is this week.

Submitted by Torgotronic on Mon, 07/23/2012 - 4:08pm.
... and Dennis Hopper in "Blue Velvet" mode, and Scooby Doo before a flea treatment, and Keith Moon but without the drumming talent, and Steve McQueen but without the acting and driving talent, and Divine but with more dog shit! Oh, for fuck's sake.

***********************

LOL!

Jeanneee's picture

Umm.... OK.

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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11

... and Dennis Hopper in "Blue Velvet" mode, and Scooby Doo before a flea treatment, and Keith Moon but without the drumming talent, and Steve McQueen but without the acting and driving talent, and Divine but with more dog shit! Oh, for fuck's sake.

tinyhands's picture

Elizabeth Taylor on her WORST day looks better than this skank on her BEST day. LiLo- put the crack pipe DOWN.

"Shut up, bitch - it hurts to be beautiful" - Richie K. 2005

Rocket's picture

He left out Anna Nichole Smith!

Poopele's picture

Dude put Gene Tierney and Lindsay Lohan in the same sentence.

That is new.