Octomom Pole Danced Her Way Off The Dole

July 21, 2012 / Posted by:

This is a story about overcoming adversity and triumphing in the face of indomitable odds. It should be told and re-told by every generation. Octomom says that she pole-danced her way off of welfare!

Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. Of course, you don’t take so many fertility drugs that your vagine busts open and emits 8,000 people but what’s done is done.

Octomom has been causing the patrons of skripper clubs and peeler bars across the country to shield their eyes and beg their waitress to “make it a double” by sliding that 14-passenger pussy up and down the vertical brass. And apparently it pays better than waitressing in a diner so intensely that you fall and Donna Summer squats down beside you to comfort you and you give her a “hands off, lady. I’m strictly dickly” side-eye. And she needed the scratch, cuz’ she didn’t plan ahead for what life would be like with a grip of children AND NO DISCERNIBLE PLAN TO RAISE THEM IN A FINANCIALLY STABLE HOUSEHOLD. This bitch.

Sources say that Octomom has not renewed her welfare cycle, and made SIX FIGURES (!!!) awkwardly slapping her buttcheeks for a terrified audience while tottering around in some truly wretched outfits. Vice squad arrestees from 1983 wouldn’t be caught dead in that shit. It’s like a “Over Her Head Mommy’s First Prostitution Whore”outfit.

Octomom proved that her welfare adventure was just a temporary thing! She’ll never have to go on the dole again. Six figures will last FOREVER when you have 14 children. Yep. By the way, I refuse to pay taxes anymore.

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