At the Salon nightclub in London on Wednesday night, British model type Cressida Bonas (whose eyebrow situation registers as a Brooke Shields on the brow scale) and the fire in the loins of my soul Prince Hot Ginge tried to be sneaky bitches by showing up to the club just minutes apart. But the Daily Mail says that once they both got inside, they got on each other like Fred Willard’s hand on Fred Willard’s peen at a stank porn theater in Hollywood. Bonas got a (lady) boner for PHG! The DM puts it like this:
Inside the club, according to onlookers, it was not long before she and Harry ‘hooked up’ and were seen kissing in a corner.
Dressed in a clinging white dress and vertiginous heels, and with a plait in her hair, Miss Bonas left at just after 4am, jumping alone into a cab. Harry departed with his bodyguards just ten minutes later.
Cressida Bonas is the daughter of the really hot named sixties model Lady Mary-Gaye Georgiana Lorna Curzon. If I didn’t look like this in drag, then I’d be a drag queen and Lady Mary-Gaye would be my name.
There’s no need to pull out my shank, because the sun rises in England about as frequently as a dirty blonde runs into a copy store and screams, “QUICK! QUICK! Somebody laminate my entire crotch, because Prince Hot Ginge has been on it and I never want to wash it again! I’ll pee through my butt!“
So we shouldn’t get to know Cressida Bonas, which kind of sucks, because I like her name too. It makes her sound like a Bond girl or like the name of a contest for the salespeople at a Toyota dealership circa 1991.