PBS Is Prejudiced Against Adult Theater Fappers
It's the Pee-wee Herman mess all over again. We obviously haven't grown as a society since 1991, because it's still an issue when a more than grown ass man leaves his fap juices on the crusty velvet seat of an adult porn theater. After 72-year-old Fred Willard was arrested last night for trying to squeeze out some party leche while watching porn at the Tiki Theater in Hollywood, PBS rubbed him out of their show Market Warriors. Fred was the show's narrator, but not anymore. The NY Times' Arts Beat Blog says that PBS told local affiliates not to air any episodes of Market Warriors until they've replaced Fred's voice with Mark "Not Marky Mark" Walberg who hosts Antiques Roadshow.
What a bunch of assholes for firing a senior citizen for masturbating in a porn theater. PBS should meet ole' horny Fred at the Tiki Theater tonight, because they need to loosen the hell up by busting one out. This is a non-issue. Everybody faps! (That should be the adult follow-up to Everybody Poops.) PBS is really acting like Oscar the Grouch hasn't rolled his trash can over to the next town's Muppet-only adult theater to temporarily fap his grouchiness away.
And in other Fred freeing his willy news, his lawyer tells TMZ that he is completely innocent of the lewd conduct charge: "With all due respect to the individual officer, our belief is that Fred did nothing in any violation of any law."
With all due to respect to Fred Willard, we all know he was whacking off in that theater. But that's what an adult theater is for. It's for old dudes who are scared of the Internet and want to jack off old-school style. This is why there should be a free class at the Learning Annex on how to turn your personal laptop into a one-stop fap place. Fred's mind (and other parts) will be blow when he discovers Internet porn. Fred no longer has to run up to the projection room to tell the dude to speed up the film to the money shot, because he's got a Bunko game in 20 minutes.
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Its not like there were any minors in the porn theater. They should start checking out the "regular theaters'.
Jeez...the shit I've done in a theater! :D
Masturbating in a theater? That's nothing compared to the stunts I've pulled in my days...
He was just there for the popcorn.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
So he had a wank, in a cinema where they play 'adult movies' but he's arrested?
Is it a cultural thing? Because I don't get the crime.
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"In other news, the University of Color Me Surprised released a report today which states that water is indeed wet. Mind. Boggled" - Michael K, who else?
Sure, let's replace him with a douchebag racist thug. Because stabbing a Vietnamese shopkeeper in the eye and permanently blinding him is more family-friendly than finding a moment of fucking relief in an adult theater.
Um, Isn't that what men usually do when they visit those places? What is the big deal?
love you Fred - this is bullshit
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
He is a hilarious actor. Who cares what he does with his penis, as long as he doesn't hurt anybody. People are face eating each other on bath salts, so why is humanity supposed to care about this to the extent of arresting a 72 year old man and putting him through the court system?
Also Peewee Herman was yes caught in a straight theatre, which yes was the most surprising aspect of the whole thing. No one really bought that relationship between him and Dotty, right? Maybe Large Marge, who tended towards some masculine features.
Submitted by agirl on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 9:09pm.
They should change "Masterpiece Theatre" to "Masturbate Theatre" or honor Fred with an "American Masturbators" two-hour special rather than "American Masters". He's 72 and can still get it up, bitches! Your average Dlister will be lucky to be able to get up out of a chair at the age of 72.
hahaha. Lemons/The Lemon Song.
What do they think people are going to do sitting in an adult theater watching porn? And are there police walking around looking for this or did some douche call the police?
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
It wasn't a gay film. It was Nurse Nancy (why do I remember trivial shit like this?).
Nurse Nancy is an adult film by Director F.J. Lincoln released in 1991 by Caballero Studio. The movie stars Sandra Scream, Zara Whites, Alicyn Sterling, Peter North, Marc Wallice, Woody Long, and Tera Heart.
Actor Paul Reubens, famously known for his Pee-wee Herman character, was arrested while allegedly exposing himself during a screening of this film in 1991. The incident became a major news story and influenced his shift to playing other roles.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nurse_Nancy
Does it matter that it was a gay or straight pornz theater? Why are the cops busting that? Are they going to start pulling people from bars for drinking too? Busting a skank for her attire incase she's hooking? Wha???
Submitted by Gigaboob on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 9:42pm.
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 9:25pm.
Whamo: yup, Paul Rubens is gay.
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Really? I've never heard this. If I recall correctly he was caught in a straight theater.
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Indeed, I thought it was a straight theater too. I thought I remembered part of the surprise was that it wasn't gay porn cause we all assumed Pee Wee was gay.
Shameful! But I guess it's easier to catch a bunch of old pervs yanking wienners while watching plastic bimbos get a shot of "party leche" to the face than try to catch the guys in McArthur park selling fake ID's or SSN cards, knock off shit in the garment district, or fucking patroling the streets! Really who is harmed by someone jacking off? The worse that can happen is some dude gets an Indian burn on their cock or someone askes for "assistance".
Submitted by Gigaboob on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 9:42pm
That and he was watching porn and gay. So that automatically made him a pedo.
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"A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
- Macbeth, William Shakespeare
@ SANS FARDS
I love that scene. Others:
Airport cucumber scene
When they got lost backstage
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 9:25pm.
Whamo: yup, Paul Rubens is gay.
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Really? I've never heard this. If I recall correctly he was caught in a straight theater. Poor Pee Wee. The American public could never get over the fact that he had hormones...and that he could grow a goatee. His mug shot did him in.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 9:19pm.
instead of hunting down pushers or gang members they are camping out in porn theaters in hopes of catching someone yank on their meat?
It's the same shit here. THIS THING made me very angry yesterday, although I guess it is funny out of context. It sums up in one shot the British police. Six fucking officers on hand to drag away somebody in a polar bear costume; meanwhile violent crimes are reported every single day in the press and we never hear of culprits getting caught.
this is soo 1980s.
do people still go to adult theatres to wank? i guess wanking at home is lonely so you go to the theatre for company.
and since everybody is in matching denim jackets and denim jeans (THE HORROR!!!) and with baseball cap pull down over the face, its no biggie.
@ Hekki
No, I haven't seen or heard of it. I'll check it out. Thanks.
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"I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!" George Carlin
I forgot how funny Jennifer Coolidge was in that movie!
Team Sick Minds.
That is all. *uncorks another p.noir for everyone
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"Discussions about what is good, beautiful, noble, pure, true, could always go on. Why is that important? Because that is the only conversation worth having." C.Hitchens,1949-2011. (RIP MCA, "no sleep til Brooklyn") *caprica six was/is here*
@Dog and GG
Yeah, that was one of the reasons I left that state, they kept raising taxes, but it didn't show up anywhere. With the crime rate in LA, there's no way the local PD had any reason to be policing a porn theater.
I'm going maybe have to agree with (forgot who said it now) on the other thread that maybe this is PR for his new movie called Yank? That would make more sense to me.
Still, PBS can kiss my ass.
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"A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
- Macbeth, William Shakespeare
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 9:25pm.
Whamo: yup, Paul Rubens is gay.
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Ya I figured he was gay I just didn't remember a gay porn theatre as part the story
DiamondDog: Have you ever seen "Party Down" on Starz? It's a cable channel and I'm not sure if everyone gets that channel, though.
Jane Lynch and Jennifer Coolidge have both been cast members. It's an ensemble comedy show about cater-waiters and it's hilarious. You might like it. It has lots of really good cameos and is written
So who was the prude who went to the porn theater and reported him?
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What in the praying mantis crackhooker hell is this?! - MK 9/09
This is WRONG! Poor Fred
Yup, Dog. Sick minds think alike!
Submitted by louise_brooks on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 9:22pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 9:11pm.
"I learned to play the ukulele in one of my last films, 'Not-So-Tiny Tim'
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Look at Scott! He is prancing along with the dog!
Man, I tell you something, if you live in my neighborhood and you're dressed like that, you'd better be a hotel doorman.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 9:19pm.
Exactly. I had no idea California was so crime free.
Looking for guys jerking it in a porn theater isn't really fair. It's like fishing in a fish farm or shooting a bear in an enclosure. Where is the challenge?
GG, you must have been posting as I was typing mine. I didn't see yours until after I hit "post comment". Skeery.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Whamo: yup, Paul Rubens is gay.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 9:11pm.
"I went to one of those obedience places once... it was all going well until they spilled hot candle wax on my private parts."
LOL!!
"I learned to play the ukulele in one of my last films, 'Not-So-Tiny Tim'. "
@ San Fards
Best in Show is my fav too. But mind you, I'm a fan of all of their mockumentaries. Waiting for Guffman, Spinal Tap, A Mighty Wind.
Chris Guest as Harlan Pepper with his big ole Bloodhound is my fav.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fu8DHXr0UMs&feature=related
Then there is Jennifer Coolidge with the classic: "We both love soup"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9jxSOxtYHs
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"I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!" George Carlin
So let me get this straight. The LAPD has cops who they pay to essentially patrol porn theaters looking for errant fappers?
Your tax dollars at work, folks. No wonder California is in the crapper. Or the fapper.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
So let me get this right...instead of hunting down pushers or gang members they are camping out in porn theaters in hopes of catching someone yank on their meat? Waste of tax dollars.
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 9:12pm.
Submitted by undinespragg:
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Was Pee Wee's a gay porn situation, I don't remember.
Submitted by spider3tattoo on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 8:58pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 8:56pm.
Lmao. Thanks, I needed that today! ;-)
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:D
Submitted by undinespragg: "People will probably start throwing shit at me, but I think he is not getting the backlash that Pee-Wee did because he was in a straight porn theater. If it were a gay one people (not here) would be singing a different tune."
HOW DARE YOU?!!
Nah, just busting your chops. I agree.
Also, Pee Wee was a character for children (THINK OF THE CHIIIILLLDREEEEEN!!) and some people freaked out about that. I was a teenager then and I thought it was hilarious, especially since we'd get stoned and watch it. It was brilliant and had adult appeal, like "My Little Pony" or "Yo Gabba Gabba".
Submitted by louise_brooks on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 8:58pm.
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"I went to one of those obedience places once... it was all going well until they spilled hot candle wax on my private parts."
Never mind, it's the Stonehenge scene:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMVMHNG68m8
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It's PHELPS time!
Lucifer, I'm kind of partial to Best in Show because I grew up around some of these dog lunatics. My neighbor was one. She had the ugliest Chinese Crested...whatever...I don't fucking know, it looked like a naked mole rat with some tufted hair! but she loved that thing to death and entered it in shows and stuff. One time I had to dogsit for it and I swear it hated me...lil' bastard kept nipping at my hand and refusing to pee outside.
The best scene in Spinal Tap is when they're playing some number and they're supposed to emerge from the glowing eggs on stage, Lady Gaga style....and then one of the eggs doesn't open so the guy's stuck in there the entire number. I'm dying thinking about it!
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It's PHELPS time!
I'm going to ask PBS for my $40 donation back!
charlie - to be fair, I've only seen three episodes. Sybil is the prettiest, definitely....but Mary is saucy and doesn't take shit from any douchebag dukes! Sybil's mysterious though, you're right.
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It's PHELPS time!
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 8:28pm.
seriously, how funny is that!! lol!!!!
I worked some bills with a few Folkies, you know - "Put 'em in a cell with a long hose on him, put 'em in a cell with a long hose on him!" I used to say "If he's got a long enough hose, he's gonna have a lot of friends in the shower room." Folk audiences hated that joke.
LOL!!! I know I am painting with a broad brush, but they generally don't have a sense of humor about their music.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 8:56pm.
"Oh My!...... *George Takei voice"
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Lmao. Thanks, I needed that today! ;-)
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"A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
- Macbeth, William Shakespeare
This would never have happened if oldie-fapping advocate extraordinaire Ernest Borgnine was still with us!
*bursts into tears*
They should change "Masterpiece Theatre" to "Masturbate Theatre" or honor Fred with an "American Masturbators" two-hour special rather than "American Masters". He's 72 and can still get it up, bitches! Your average Dlister will be lucky to be able to get up out of a chair at the age of 72.
PBS could spin this into ratings GOLD and lots of extra $$ donated. They need to think creatively.
People will probably start throwing shit at me, but I think he is not getting the backlash that Pee-Wee did because he was in a straight porn theater. If it were a gay one people (not here) would be singing a different tune.
Submitted by spider3tattoo on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 8:49pm.
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Oh My!...... *George Takei voice*
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 8:47pm.
fair enough, good call Spider:) I might as well just say sorry now because whiskey makes me do stupid things sometimes lol!!!
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Oh well, um...I'm sorry in advance as well then!
;-)
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"A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
- Macbeth, William Shakespeare