Man Down, Code 10: No More High Heels For Suri Cruise

July 19, 2012 / Posted by:

You see what happens when Katie Holmes gets the robot control panel made of recycled Atari parts taken out of her brain and replaces it with an actual human brain that is capable of freely producing independent thoughts on its own? Katie somehow decided that Suri Cruise doesn’t need a shoe closet full of high heels or a 1,000 square foot dressing room with racks and racks of designer clothes in it. Katie wants Suri to be more simple and expects her to buy clothes off the rack at Old Navy like she’s an Affleck daughter or any other normal child. Screw Katie for this. You give a bitch an inch and she’ll shit on your toddler heels.

A source tells something called Revel magazine (via HuffPo) that since Suri is going to Catholic school and will soon wear uniforms, Katie doesn’t think there’s any need for lipstick, heels or couture dresses in her life. Tommy Girl is the one who let Suri slather the lipstick on and Katie’s always thought that it was wrong. As Jimmy Choo shut down their Suri Cruise division, the source said these hurtful words:

“Katie has been returning unsolicited gifts and loans from designers for Suri since she arrived in New York. She’s issued instructions to remove Suri from all freebie lists. She’s also put the word out in LA to stop any mini-me diva products being sent her way. Tom loved to spoil Suri and indulge her, but Katie has other ideas.”

Turning away free designer crap?! IN THIS ECONOMY? Katie just got her mind back and she’s already lost it. Woe is Suri. I can see it now. There’s Suri Cruise standing (yes, standing, because Katie makes her do that) in line at H&M with a handful of sale items in her arms when outside Blue Ivy Carter whizzes by in a chauffeur-pushed Bentley stroller in front of a dozen assistants carrying bags from Barney’s. Riches to Rags: The story of Suri’s 6-year-old life. Sigh.

Here’s life-ruiner Katie going to spin class yesterday.

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