Pete “Dreamboat” Doherty has joined the EXCLUSIVE and illustrious list of less than 12 addicts who have been kicked out of The Cabin rehab clinic in Chiang Mai, Thailand. Put that certificate of crackhead excellence on your wall, Dreamy! (I’m sure he will.) The doctors at The Cabin obviously think that smoking your own blood in a pipe made from mouse bones and your own freshly churned ass glue is “disruptive behavior,” because that’s what he was thrown out for.
NME says that Dreamy checked into the £7,200-a-month rehab clinic, which is deep in the jungles of Thailand, less than three weeks ago and was put on a plane back to London yesterday. The Cabin’s director confirmed this sad (but not shocking) news with this statement:
“Pete was discharged today for therapeutic reasons. It is important to maintain the integrity of the treatment programme for the other clients to have a good chance of recovery. Pete understands this and therefore the reasons behind why we have asked him to leave. Although our parting with Pete is amicable, we are of course disappointed to see him leave. We hope some of the things he has learnt here will help him in the future and look forward to the day when Pete decides to consider recovery again.”
First of all, the words “Pete” and “discharged” should never be used in the same sentence, because that image just gave my brain a yeast infection. Second of all, that is a calm and well-written statement coming from a rehab director whose retinas nearly tore into a dozen pieces as he stretched his eyeballs in terror while watching creatures feed on plaque dingles on Dreamy’s teefs.
Oh, Dreamy, Dreamy, Dreamy…. I really thought that he was going to finally get it together after Amy Winehouse’s death sent him into an extra bad place where he woke up in the middle of a rising flood of his own shit. I know that when I wake up and can do the backstroke in a sea of my own caca, I take that as a sign. I hate to type this and I never type this, but Dreamy needs JESUS! Get it together, Dreamy, before I say that you need Scientology. Don’t make me type my way into that dark place.