Is Evan Lysacek Vera Wang’s Kept Bitch?

Vera Wang recently announced that her marriage to Arthur Becker drowned in a pool of white tulle and they were getting a divorce after 23 years. Well, the NYDN says that Vera’s unofficial muse, Evan Lysacek, used his ice skate to cut up her marriage. One source says that Vera is the zombie version of Norma Desmond, because she’s moved Evan into her multi-million dollar mansion in Beverly Hills and told him he can stay as long as he wants.

Vera and Evan became best homegirls when she designed a few ice swan costumes for him before and during the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver. Since then, they’ve been seen everywhere together. One source says that “something is going on” and that Evan Likesthedick must be digging for more gold to go with his gold medal, because he’s been driving a Bentley and wearing a fancy Rolex. But a different source says that Vera is just hypnotized by Evan and he’s never done figure eights with his peen on her coochie.

I’m sure Evan has fucked a lot of wangs in his life, but Vera Wang ain’t one of them. This is just one of those “rich hags keeping her companion pretty” situations. It’s the best situation to be in. If Evan could find a way to wrap his butt around Vera Wang’s last name, I’m sure he would, but that’s the closest they will ever get to fucking.

And when asked for a response, the Crystal Enchantress of the Ice Johnny Weir did this:

You know a story is ridiculous when Johnny Weir responds with a cackle AND kick.