The World Is Getting Another Lohan
Dear God, it's us, humanity, and we're finally ready for that apocalypse we've been promised.
The Rosemary's Baby theme loudly played in a doctor's office recently when an ultrasound scan picked up the terrifying image of an orange fetus in a mesh shirt. The ultrasound tech dropped the probe, ran to the nearest church and dipped their eyeballs in holy water to erase a picture that was more horrific than four horsemen farting out swarms of locusts while reading a newspaper with the headline: LINDSAY LOHAN WINS OSCAR (aka the true sign of the end, to be honest).
TMZ says that noted vagina-kicker Michael Lohan is procreating with Kate Major! In possibly related news, the unemployment rate just dropped 1%, because CPS has hired thousands of new agents to work in a new office right next to Kate Major's apartment.
Somehow between jumping into trees to escape the police and drunkenly beating on Kate, Michael Lohan found the time to fertilize her lady parts with the evil seed of Lohan. TMZ's sources say that Kate is in her first trimester and the act of her getting bareback dicked by Michael Lohan was illegal in more ways than one, because she had a restraining order out against him at the time of conception. The restraining order was lifted a few weeks ago, but I have a feeling that both Michael and Kate will get hit with another restraining order filed by their unborn fetus on behalf of EVERYONE.
Why? Why? Why did this happen? Why did our government do us wrong by not secretly spiking Michael Lohan's Axe dick lube with spermicide? Those two piece of trash fame whores might as well name their kid Poor Child, because that's what everyone's going to call it. And Lindsay Lohan better pick up a few more shifts at the escort agency, because she's got a new pair of nostrils to feed.
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Seriously? Fuck this stupid cunt! Both of em! Hope she is happy next time he kicks her in the cunt. No sympathy for idiots who cant stay away from an abuser....fucken hell.
how I see this happening.
"MOVE, DIAPHRAGM! I'M MICHAEL LOHAN SPERM!"
we are doomed.
Love all the comments LOL
******* SAVE A LIFE. ADOPT A PET *********
LOLLLL at Randaaaaaay
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
The baby-shower registry is already online. Some of the items that caught my eye were pink/blue cell-phone clips; a black mesh onesie; Baby's First Boxing Gloves; My Little Crack Pipe; and other stuff I've forgotten.
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El pasado es el pasado, pero es siempre presente.
I can see the next reality show coming now - "Mike and Kate Kicking It For Real"
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elen sila lumen omentilmo-LOTR
She is birthing one of the 4 horsemen
I also love how, according to the TMZ article, Lindsay and the other kids didn't know and most likely found out from TMZ. Get those Father of the Year ballots out.
So the kick to the cunt got these two extra fertile to make a baby? All those beatings must've been foreplay....
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Fuck.
Her hand on his leg even grosses me out...
♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫
...I share a birthday with MK...
Didn't they get in a huge fight and she told the cops she lost it cause he you know what inside her and she's not on BC?!?!?! And now we are all over the moon and shit?
Have another.
Submitted by NOT IMPRESSED on Mon, 07/16/2012 - 12:14pm.
I don't see this pregnancy making it full-term.
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I'm with DianaDeath on this one.
He'll end up cunt boxing the baby out of existence
she outta abort but she aint cause shes a gold digger ho & thinking "oooh i got a future lindsay lohan in my belly" and sees $$$ shooting out kids ass.
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
There's someone for everyone. Or, as my Korean mother says, every chopstick has a mate. Even crackhead chopsticks, apparently.
I don't see this pregnancy making it full-term.
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Douchechill!
...ewww... Wasn't she dating Jon Gosselin for a while when he was best buds with Michael? Maybe he can be the godfather...
♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫
...I share a birthday with MK...
Are you fucking kidding me? These 2 who beat the shit out of each other?
G-d help that child.
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All that loving must've been lacking something
If I got bored trying to figure you out
You let me down
I don't even like you anymore at all
I thought she had a restraining orded against him?
Did he ever get that job at Burger King?
Submitted by DianaDeath on Mon, 07/16/2012 - 11:57am.
Ikr!
If by some miracle the kid doesn't have fetal alcohol syndrome, he'll come out holding a restraining order on both their asses.
Submitted by KG on Mon, 07/16/2012 - 11:59am.
Idiocracy is real people!
Boy, ain't that the truth. These 2 idiots are the poster children for a required state sponsored sterilization program. We've got stop this in its tracks, or the only people we'll see in 2 generations will be hiltons, trumps, lohans & kardashians.
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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
Idiocracy is real, people!
He's so gross.
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"Brows should not look like a condiment!" -MK
He'll probably kick her in the cunt and make her miscarry, anyway.
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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK
Yup, this is going to end well. Days like today I really hate the universe. Seems like the assholes always breed the most/easiest.
Women like this are pathetic. The guy is an obvious waste of time and space and yet here she is getting knocked up by him, how can anyone feel sorry for her? She better not start whining when keeps acting like the asshole he is
pass the collection plate to set up bail fund for the kid.
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Ugh, I heard this travesty this morning.
Stupid people like these folks should not be allowed to reproduce. I can only imagine how awful this child's life is going to be. Poor thing.
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Either parent have a job, income to support a child, medical insurance?
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"Dude is like a human version of a white, windowless van" - Michael K.
guest... owowowow. :)
Can somebody give this dumb bitch the "three months after" pill?
Submitted by pixxxie: "he's got issues... but this chick.. shes the works. "
THIS.
Sorry. Hit "submit" prematurely
With every passing year I am just thankful that Parasite hasn't breeded and her biological clock gets quieter and quieter.
ig....that avie! LOL.
Is it possible to have an I.Q. in the negative digits?
Call me Pollyanna, but I think these two nutty lovebirds just might make it work.
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El pasado es el pasado, pero es siempre presente.
correct me if im wrong but isnt this the chick that goes all over the media to proclaim how he beats her and is abusive, gets a restraining order, and continually goes to see him even though she has a restraining order against him.. im talking even flying to whatever state he is in to see him..
she was also the chick who was buzzing around kate plus 8 jon gosselin too..
he's got issues... but this chick.. shes the works. child protective services better be at the hospital when she delivers. she is not fit to care for a child.
Dear baby Lohan... good luck, hook.
Sincerely,
The Rest of the Fucked Up World
xoxoxoxoxo
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
This gal is a freaking mess. After all the beatings, she goes back to this POS. If she ends up dead somewhere in Gilgo beach on Long Island, everyone will say, "good riddance".
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
Being conceived when one parent has a restraining order against the other = CLASS
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What the fuck dude? And being European is NOT an excuse. - IHateCharityChic 05/10/2012
She's twisted. So is he but that goes without saying.
Bad news but not surprising...
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...the end