The Special Friendship That Never Was: Suri And An Adorable Puppy

July 16, 2012 / Posted by:

Over the weekend, Suri Cruise found out that the most painful heartbreak comes when your mean ass mother refuses to buy you a puppy friend that you’ll give a completely original name to (examples: Fluffy, Whitey, Puppy, Cutie and MIIIIIINE) cuddle with for around two weeks, never take care of and ignore in a few months when it grows into a dog body and is no longer to adorable to child eyes. Katie Holmes took Suri to a pet store in NYC the other day and had one of the store’s assistants bring out two puppies, a Frenchie and a Morkie (a half Yorkie, half Maltese). Suri wrapped her tiny heart around the Morkie (probably because it reminded her of her alien Uncle Mork) and begged Katie to buy it for her. The old Katie would’ve phoned home to headquarters to ask her Scientology handlers if she can bring home a puppy if she gives it a Thetan bath and threatens to expose its deepest, darkest secrets to the tabloids if it defects from the cult of Xenu. But the Katie of today actually makes decisions by herself and she chose to break Suri’s heart by not buying the Morkie. I think I speak for Suri when I say: “I HATE YOU FOR THIS, KATIE!”

Katie, is of course, getting some heat for thinking about buying a puppy from a pet store instead of going to a shelter. The North Shore Animal League America used Radar to openly invite Katie and Suri to their shelter to possibly adopt a dog:

“Unfortunately most pet stores are provided their dogs from commercial breeding organizations otherwise known as puppy mills. The breeder parents are not kept in conditions that are acceptable to caring for companion animals. They don’t get the medical care they need. They are overbred and when the dog is no longer able to breed they either sell them to auctions or kill them. If you go to a shelter you’re going to find beautiful, healthy puppies, even purebreds,” the spokeswoman says. “Not only that you will also be saving a life. We would love to show Katie the animals we have if she is ready to adopt.”

Katie is a dumb bitch for taking Suri to a pet store in the first place. You know what happens when you take a kid to a pet store? They cry, pout and wish death upon you when you refuse to buy them the only thing they’ve ever wanted in life. When I’d go to the mall with my mom, she’d purposefully stay away from the area in the mall with the pet store in it, because she really didn’t want me to scream at her, “I’m going to kill myself if you don’t buy me this $3,000 puppy that probably has the sicks in a major way since it came from a mill!” And that was just last week.

I don’t know why Katie’s shopping for a puppy anyway. Katie just got rid of a tiny creature who nipped at her ankles, licked its own ass, was barely potty trained and constantly barked at her all the time, and now she wants another one?

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