Look, there’s a piece for everyone! If you want a piece whose orgasms sound like a show tune written by Rodgers & Hammerstein, has nipple hair as soft as a baby Wolverine’s pelt and will probably piss himself at least once during your time together, there’s Hugh Jackman at Bondi Beach in Sydney! If you want a piece who would lose in a game of Are You Smarter Than A Fart Bubble?, has been tainted by the Kuntrashians and whose sex moans sound like Frankenstein’s monster pushing out a hard shit, there’s Kris Humphries in Miami! If you want a piece who will make you wear a sex suit made of mirrors so he can see gorgeous Adonis self while he hits it from every side, there’s Mario Lopez in Malibu!
And in a game of Fuck/Marry/Kill, I’d fuck AC Slater, marry Hugh Jackman and I wouldn’t kill Kris Humphries, but I’d keep him occupied for the next 50 years or so by asking him to give me the answer to 2 – 2 WITHOUT using a life line.