Taylor Swift Made $57 Million In One Year
No one ever said that Friday the 13th brings good news. Well, at least you know that an adorable kitteh's "Can you warn me the next time you blow out an upwind queef?" face is the same as your "These bitches made how much?" face.
This is the point in your week when you curse at your 10-year-old self for not putting a melody to the entries you wrote in your Poochie Funtime Diary about cute boys, icky boys, beautiful princesses, fairytale kingdoms, Kanye West and heroin (that's what "White Horse" is really about, right?). The professional list makers at Forbes put together another one of their lists and this one lists the celebwhores under the age of 30 who filled their checking account with the most gold bars from May 2011 to May 2012. The list is 70% female (including The Lesbeaver), 30% Twatlight and depending on who you ask, it's 60% to 90% HUH? Here's the full list:
1. Taylor Squint, 22 - $57 million
2. The Lesbeaver, 18 - $55 million
3. RiRi, 24 - $53 million
4. Lady CaCa, 26 - $52 million
5. Katy Perry, 27 - $45 million
6. Adele, 24 - $35 million
7. Kristen Stewart, 22 - $34.5 million
8. Lil Wayne, 29 - $27 million
9. Taylor Lautner, 20 - $26.5 million
9. RPattz, 26 - $26.5 million
Never mind the other overpaid whores on the list, I can't fully hate on the Strawberry Shortcake character that is Taylor Swift for making more money than 1,400+ school teachers combined, because she made some of that money by shitting on John Mayer's depressed David Duke dick. Taylor gets points for that one.
Here's 3 of the 10 highest youngins being herpy and derpy at Comic-Con yesterday. With all that money, RPattz should be wearing something nicer than a shirt from Miller's Outpost circa 1989.
• 
who knew dating closeted gay guys was such a lucrative business.
taylor lautner, jakey poo, and the other gays.
and you dont need to have sex with them cuz they would shriek if they saw your punane, so alls you gotta do is hold hands, run through meadows, roll around in a field of sunflowers, and then turn a blind eye when you walk in on them sucking another dude's dick.
and then write a song about it.
$57 million. fuck. me. dead. cunt.
Submitted by Naughychimp on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 1:33pm.
Whatever happened to, "With great wealth comes great responsibility?"
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Wait . . . what? Why you quoting Aunt May wrong? Leave Aunt May out of this, lest her nephew spew his sticky, white substance all over you.
Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 12:57pm.
Submitted by Athina on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 12:50pm.
Yes, Adele can sing, but she's a one trick pony with that big mama, heffa church choir voice
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Adele write her own music as well, are you suggesting Taylor swift is actually more talented over all than Adele...really?
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No, Taylor Swift is simply more marketable, that's all. This article was about how much money these assholes made, not how talented they are. Like I said, I hate Taylor Swift's music but it's not me that counts. It's a whole generation of teen and tween girls that are out there downloading the hell out of her music on iTunes and paying to see her in concert.
Adele is has many great talents, but she's boring. Just boring.
Other than Adele, I don’t think I have purchased music from any of the 8 music acts on the list, BUT, I admit *shamefacedly*, that I have enjoyed some of the catchy tunes from the other 7. It’s kind of like Filet Mignon – love it, but sometimes only hamburger is in the fridge.
.......unless you are Jack.
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Why don't you dance with me? I'm not no limburger.
thanks, M.E., yeah, one of those, and it's maybe more like a margarita (but I can't spell that either!)
anway, not good!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
There. Is. No. God.
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"When in doubt, freak 'em out" -- Sharon Needles
Submitted by snowpiece on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 1:34pm.
but only because it tastes like a strong Mohito and I feel like I"m getting drunk!
HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Naughtychimp - you are thinking rationally and with a giving nature.
Please turn your brain on "celebrity mode" where it's all ME ME ME ME ME! I WANT THIS THIS THIS!
This is the point in your week when you curse at your 10-year-old self for not putting a melody to the entries you wrote in your Poochie Funtime Diary about cute boys, icky boys, beautiful princesses, fairytale kingdoms, Kanye West and heroin (that's what "White Horse" is really about, right?).
MK, stuff like this is why I read the D nearly every day.
I'm not a fan of Taylor Squinty's music, but I do appreciate the adorable kitteh with its "DO NOT WANT" expression. That said, ol' Squint has a huge-ass exhibit on right now at the Country Music Hall of Fame & Museum in Nashville. Seems she gave 'em $4 million and they put a bunch of her costumes & guitars (that I'm not sure she actually knows how to play) on display.
So it no longer takes actual talent to get into the CMHOF. Oh, well. Maybe I can raise a few mil & get my own exhibit there.
Mojito Snowphat.
Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 1:30pm.
Being able to suck my own tit isn't enough.
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8-) *drools*
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Poochie Funtime Diary sounds like a sex journal.
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"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." — Douglas Adams
LOL Jacko! HEIFERS! speaking of free shit today, don't waste your time on those Refreshers Starbucks is giving out this afternoon! My friend thru the berry one in the basura. I am still sucking on the lime one but only because it tastes like a strong Mohito and I feel like I"m getting drunk!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 1:30pm.
Welcome back, little momma... and like snowphat, I was jealous!!!
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Saddest thing is: what are any of them going to do with these gigantic sums of money? Buy ridiculously expensive cars that they never have time to drive (and, drive where? most of them live in the centre of LA); live in huge-ass tacky houses with fake gold stairs and lucite sofas; enable posses of hangers-on and pimp parents...
How about setting up some college scholarships for kids who didn't become insanely rich with no talent? Underwrite the operating expenses of a fistful of foodbanks? Build a wing at a hospital?
Whatever happened to, "With great wealth comes great responsibility?"
Welcome back Janey, your pics made me very jealous!!!!!
glad you had so much fun and you're well rested!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
I got to come up with a talent that is going to make me rich. Being able to suck my own tit isn't enough.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 1:25pm.
OMG! LMAO!!!
We just got Chick-Fil-A a year or two ago around here and I don't know how they stay in business. It seems like they are always giving away free food.
Gross.
And I'm back bitches! Nice and rested.
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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
Speaking of cucumbers and Lindsay's cootch, she'd stick it in once and pull it out and all that would be left is whatever didn't go in in the first place. She'd have a little nub in her fingers and a confused look on her face!
LOL, weezy!!
Looky here... I went to chik-fil-a for lunch and evidently today if you dress up like a fucking COW you eat for free... you should have seen the fatass mom jean wearin wimminz out there in their black and white cow print pajamas... it was a fucking STAMPEDE!!!!! bitches are broke these days....
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Adele is the only one who deserves that money.
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The lava of the volcano shot up hot from under the sea
One thing leads to another and you made an island of me
This makes me want to throw up. And here I am busting my ass 40+ hours a week and I am STILL broke.
Fuck these people.
I saw Al Green lip sync "Let's Stay Together" on some old tv show t'other day. Dude totally missed a word or two. I didn't care cuz he looked so smooth, he was really enjoying himself with that little bounce, that head waggle, it was great. What a pro.
Submitted by Hockey fan on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 1:15pm.
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LOL :P
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Submitted by Sweetas on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 1:11pm.
Submitted by little_rascal on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 12:54pm.
*hits Whamo with LiLo's cucumber*
LMFAOooooo Talk about a fate worse than death!
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That is NASTY!!! I'm sure it would leave a hydrochloric acid like burn mark on me where ever it touched!
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 1:17pm.
LMAO!! I never regret Indian bingo money!
Yay for no one. They are losers and we (as in the general public) are bigger losers for buying into their mediocrity.
While all of you sit there buried in twinkie wrappers regretting the 20 bucks you blew at indian bingo last night!!!!
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Adele is the only one who deserves her millions.
Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 12:51pm.
all I heard after big boobs is blablablablablabl
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Whamo you are one of my fave Dlisted horz, bc you always break it down to a level we can all understand.
Adele, that's all
I agree that this list will change wildly in the next year, but the bottom 2 people made TWENTY SIX MILLION DOLLARS in the last year alone!!! They could decide in the next five minutes to retire and live fairly comfortably for the rest of their lives on that money.
It's sad to me that so many people with actual talent are struggling while Taylor Swift is out there singing songs about getting dicked over by John Mayer. If you ever see her on TV, notice they never let her sing live anymore (because her singing voice is not great) and they even switched to the big old-timey square microphone because she can't even lip-sync well.
Katy Perry is my age and bitch makes more money in a year than I'll ever make in 10 lifetimes combined.
I'm gonna kill myself.
I truly believe that you haven't begun to scoop up all of life's beautiful moments until you've heard the line "Watch the wig!" from a piece while sitting on their face. - MK
Submitted by little_rascal on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 12:54pm.
MISOGYNY! OPPRESSION! PATRIARCHY!
*hits Whamo with LiLo's cucumber*
LMFAOooooo Talk about a fate worse than death!
Taylor Swift should spend less time whining about her 2 week boyfriend that broke up with her and more time searching for mail order grooms who can't understand the dumb shit she says.
I'm surprised the cat didn't mistake her for an escaped cosmetic testing rat and eat her.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 1:03pm.
Don't worry DListed family! Most of these turds will fall off this list by next year.
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Okay, you promised. If they don't I'm going to have to start rooting for the Kings!! *shudder* Just kidding GG! Oh and hey, I might be going to a Blackhawks game this year...I hope!
Taylor Lautner still looks like a cro-magnon.
Submitted by Athina on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 12:50pm.
The whole uproar over Taylor Swift is that she writes her songs AND music, plays several instruments and co-produces all her shit. She was doing all that at 16. I can't stand her music, but she's a talented kid. And let's face it, the fact she's gorgeous didn't hurt.
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I wouldn't go as far as "gorgeous". Maybe "cleans up well with a stylist/makeup/hair team" is closer to the truth...lol
However, I know someone very prominent in the music industry who had quite a bit of contact with Ms. TS during a duet situation with her, and said she was semi talented but just a goofy kid-- HER PARENTS are the ones pimping this ho out. They bet the house, the farm, and their own ballsiness on getting this girl a career, and have done it so quietly no one knows about it. But in country music, her parents are very well known as the Pimp Mama Kris of Nashville. Just sayin.
Adele is the only performer on the list with worthwhile abilities. That little Krissy Stew girl is truely terrible; can't even play Snow White. That millions of American teen girls identify with a lazy, homely, clinically depressed halfwit is bad news.
Don't worry DListed family! Most of these turds will fall off this list by next year.
I don't want to live in a world where Katy Perry makes more than Adele. *runs into traffic*
I knew it! Taylor Swift is morphing into Crazy Cat Lady from The Simpsons. See where bearding gets you?
Jesus fuck. I'm just going to go kill myself right now. What a fucking waste of money.
Submitted by little_rascal on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 12:54pm.
MISOGYNY! OPPRESSION! PATRIARCHY
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LOL, blabla bla blablal bla :P
@ GG :D
Submitted by Athina on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 12:50pm.
Yes, Adele can sing, but she's a one trick pony with that big mama, heffa church choir voice
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Adele write her own music as well, are you suggesting Taylor swift is actually more talented over all than Adele...really?
Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 12:51pm.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 12:47pm.
Hmmm I cant sing but I have a cute face and big boobs...*run out with guitar, that I can not play to make my fortune*
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all I heard after big boobs is blablablablablabl
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MISOGYNY! OPPRESSION! PATRIARCHY!
*hits Whamo with LiLo's cucumber*
That's why we all love you Whamo!
Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 12:51pm.
all I heard after big boobs is blablablablablabl
hahaha. Maybe offer guitar lessons?
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 12:47pm.
Hmmm I cant sing but I have a cute face and big boobs...*run out with guitar, that I can not play to make my fortune*
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all I heard after big boobs is blablablablablabl
Yes, Adele can sing, but she's a one trick pony with that big mama, heffa church choir voice. It's ok. Rhinna is a fucking joke, and I fully expect we'll not hear much from her in the coming years.
The whole uproar over Taylor Swift is that she writes her songs AND music, plays several instruments and co-produces all her shit. She was doing all that at 16. I can't stand her music, but she's a talented kid. And let's face it, the fact she's gorgeous didn't hurt.