Tommy Reportedly Can't Talk To Suri About Thetans And Stuff

Seen her a while ago being the tea bag instead of getting tea bagged like usual, Tom Cooze apparently agreed to keep all Scientology-related stuff in his mouth when he's around Suri and Katie Holmes also agreed to not fill her daughter's head with any talk about religion until she gets older. Shortly after, Tommy and Katie signed their divorce settlement agreement and shoved those papers up somewhere that nobody will dare to go (aka John Travolta's Scientolohole), the details began to leak ("Oops. I fawted." - Travolta). We already know that Katie got primary physical custody of Suri and TMZ says that both sides also agreed to shut their lips about religion. Katie also gets to decide where Suri goes to school.

A source tells TMZ that the "custodial provisions" part of the agreement is no joke and covers a large part of Suri's childhood. As the years ago by, Katie and Tommy can slowly fill her ears with religion talk including alien tales according to L. Ron. So basically, Scientology will have to get a new golden child. But wait, Katie's lawyer tells People that all this speculation needs to be taken with a grain of barley dust:

"There are numerous inaccuracies in the reports regarding the purported contents of the agreement reached between the parties," says attorney Jonathan Wolfe. "The agreement is confidential and its terms will not be disclosed."

Whatever, I believe the Scientology ban and Katie should really get a parade for winning that battle, but she isn't the real winner in all of this. It's Suri! Suri doesn't have to get her brain washed with alien shit AND she doesn't have to sit through a 4 hour-long Catholic mass on Sunday morning. You don't know how many times I was dragged away from my cartoon-viewing on a Sunday morning to go to mass with my abuelita. The worst part of Catholic mass is sitting on a hard ass seat while watching the growns sip on a christblood-tini. The children didn't get any refreshments! Not even a virgin christblood-tini. Rude.

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by Mel-Tang on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 2:07pm.

The last line of the movie skinnyfat! I never got what that meant! Lol

www.poopreport.com :)

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Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 2:06pm.

Mel-Tang - I'm the same way completely facinated by it, and horrified at the same time. I LOVE true crime drama, I'm obsessed with it. But that video totally disturbed me, I am still not ok.

I used to visit rotten.com every day, I think I've read every murder story there is on crime library.

Submitted by louise_brooks on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 2:03pm.

We didn't have cartoons on Sunday morning either. Just Beyond The Magic Door that was aimed at Jewish kids and The New Zoo Review which I always found sort of terrifying.

Submitted by Mel-Tang on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 2:02pm.

M.E....unfortunately, yes. The weirdo, crime obsessed part of me did. I think I was meant to work in criminology/investigation/forensics, but never realized it until I was loong out of college. :(

Anyway, I think I've seen every snuff film on Ogrish.com and find it revolting but fascinating at the same time. I just can't fathom how humans could do such things.

Probably explains why I'm such a huge fan of Dexter! Haha

www.poopreport.com :)

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Submitted by rukiddingme on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 2:02pm.

This is an interesting article by columnist Liz Smith on this whole mess. Liz talks about when Tom divorced Nicole, how afraid Nicole was that he'd take Connor and Isabella from her. Liz also claims Nicole told her how afraid she was of Tom and what he was capable of. Apparently Isabella & Connor call her "Nicole," and not mom.

http://www.wowowow.com/liz-smith/liz-smith-tom-cruise-still-bankable-but...

Diamond/Taste of the Wild Pet Food Recall - http://www.diamondpet.com/information/

www.petfinder.com - enter your zip code to find adoptable pets in your area.

www.animalrescuesite.com - click everyday to help feed animals in shelters.

Submitted by RichBitch on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 2:01pm.

Submitted by Condi the ingro... on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 3:20pm.
Haven't you seen the 10000 embedded trailers for "Jack Reaper? It's Cruise's bid to be a comic superhero, even though the comic character is 6'6", weighs about 250 lbs., is very muscle-y and roams the earth looking to help people with his hugeness and power. The comic book fans are howling because the Cruise has changed the character so that he's basically a tiny Batman. Heh.
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Sorry but Jack Reacher is a character in a series of novels by Lee Child and not a comic book.
I know it's pedantic but still.
All the rest though, bang on! Tommy Gurl is the worst possible casting.

Submitted by luvsmekitty on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:59pm.

I want to know what cartoons were on on SUNDAY mornings? I was so deprived!

Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:57pm.

I don't think I've seen a Tammy Girl movie since Jerry MaGuire.

Submitted by chewinsmoke on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:57pm.

I, along with many others, said it before - something is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY jacked up about this situation.

Think about it - any guy who loves his daughter as much as he says he does would NOT have folded the way he just did - particularly on the custody arrangement - especially after having been blindsided, owned, and completely humiliated - and this only happened ELEVEN days ago.

Quite the contrary. A normal guy who loved his daughter so much would fight for joint custody to the DEATH, as well he should because she's his daughter. And yes, I really do believe the kid is his daughter.

It's so obvious Katie has him backed into a corner about something(s) that is so freaking damaging that he would agree to alienate (no pun intended) his own daughter in order to keep whatever it is silent. It's a telling scenario into his terrible character as a human being.

"My pug is smarter than your honor student."

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:56pm.

Condi, what the one with TC driving a muscle car and wearing a leather jacket??? THAT could be ANY of his movies!

Submitted by skinny fat on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:56pm.

"You know, there is something very important we need to do as soon as possible.... Fuck"

Submitted by Mel-Tang on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:55pm.

Omg Condi...lmao! That is going to be a box office smash like flop of ages. Haha

But remember, whenever there's a problem, accident, fire, whatever..a $cientologist is the only one that can truly help! (Insert maniacal laugh here).

www.poopreport.com :)

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Submitted by skinny fat on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:55pm.

Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 3:19pm.

Eyes Wide Shut - I walked out of the theater. Vanilla Sky - I turned off the DVD.

Both of those movies SUCKED.
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Oh too bad you missed the ending of EWS *snickers

Submitted by louise_brooks on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:54pm.

The only part of Eyes Wide Shut worth watching is the creepy orgy and that's in like first 20 minutes.

Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:52pm.

Mel-Tang - did you watch 1 man 1 ice pick?

*slowly rocks back and forth*

Submitted by Mel-Tang on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:52pm.

Babybunny...I agree with everything you said!

ElB....I'm an equal opportunity organized religion hater; please don't be offended. ;)

www.poopreport.com :)

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Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:51pm.

WTF? IMDB is saying they're making Top Gun again with Cruise?

FML.

Dear Hollywood, STOP remaking perfectly good old movies.

Submitted by Condi the ingro... on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:55pm.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 2:58pm.

When does his next extravaganza come out?

Haven't you seen the 10000 embedded trailers for "Jack Reaper? It's Cruise's bid to be a comic superhero, even though the comic character is 6'6", weighs about 250 lbs., is very muscle-y and roams the earth looking to help people with his hugeness and power. The comic book fans are howling because Cruise has changed the character so that he's basically a tiny Batman. Heh.

Submitted by Mel-Tang on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:49pm.

Whamo!!!! Lmfao...thanks for letting me know that! Hahaha Nicole was GORGEOUS back then. But I do remember watching that movie on pay per view and wanting my $1.00 back too..haha.

Also...I just saw American Psycho a few weeks ago for the first time because I was fascinated with the whole Luka Magnotta video murder case. Everyone kept saying the song in the video was from the opening scene of the movie. Holy crap, was that Christian Bale character ever so creepy!! He does look/act like Tom. But the funny part was, he also reminded me of Kourtney Kardashians baby daddy Scott Disick!! Lol

www.poopreport.com :)

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Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:49pm.

Eyes Wide Shut - I walked out of the theater. Vanilla Sky - I turned off the DVD.

Both of those movies SUCKED.

Submitted by HairyPotheadfan on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:45pm.

Dammit! I was so hoping for a tell-all book from Katie. Now we won't get anything other than "Katie and Tom just grew apart due to his hectic filming schedule."

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Mel Gibson needs an enema.

Submitted by Datura on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:41pm.

Submitted by Barb Dwyer on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 2:57pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 2:47pm.
Like I've said before, this went WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY too easily. SOMETHING is up.

And HOW!!! This was just a complete turnaround to what happened to his divorce with Kidman. The only rumors I heard here in Hollywood that could have caused that was that Kidman was just as into women at that time as he is into men. So maybe Kidman didn't have the Goodie Two Shoes advantage that Kate seems to have.
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I was just a kid when Tom and Nicole split, but I remember that she was trounced by the gossip press back then and basically given the blame for the split. I remember the juicy rumour that Nicole had been pregnant with (and then lost) Ewan McGregor's baby just before Tom divorced her.

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"You will drink the black sperm of my vengeance!" Beyond the Valley of the Dolls

Submitted by babybunny on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:39pm.

Eyes Wide Shatupon was a terrible and stupid movie, and it took those idiots a year to film it. I remember waiting in line, and just like Vanilla Sky, disappointed and really wanting my three hours and $11 back, because Tommy Girl playing mysterious characters is so boring, I think that is why he joing CO$, he is very unsexual and very boring as a person, maybe this stupid cult made him exciting in his eyes...I can only think of two movies Rain Man (when he wasn't deep into $ciento) and Jerry McGuire, when he was semi free of $ciento, when he was likeable and actually enjoyable to watch on screen. When I saw the promos for Flop of Ages, I cringed cause once again TommyGurl was trying to be all sexy and shit, same with that Knight and Day, and I hate action movies so you can miss me on the Mission Impossible's. I think basically his secrets are all related to that Miscarriage guy and some dirty shit he did with him....he isn't dumb enough (or maybe he is) to get nastay with Becks, Renner, or any of those, he likes men more than women, no doubt, but his freaky ways are probably with non-famous men.

Submitted by El Bastardo on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:38pm.

Submitted by crazyinjapan on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 3:05pm.

El B: You need some auditing! You're not supposed to talk about Xenu! You're only supposed to say how happy you are and how life is wonderful and you love to help people. You messed up, darling, but don't worry. Just send me 2,500 US dollars and tell me all your secrets while you hold tin cans, and I will make sure you will get further across The Bridge toward being clear.

CRAP! I forgot, now I have to have those pesky electrodes inserted into my peenhole and zapped. My weekends ruined :(

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My Lover!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om9p0NUNlSk&feature=fvwrel

Submitted by suckandfuck on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:38pm.

STOP PERSECUTING EL BAY Y'ALL! DANG! DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YA WHERE THE GOOD LORD SPLIT YA!!

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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.

Submitted by crazyinjapan on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:35pm.

Submitted by El Bastardo on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:35pm.

Submitted by Nanners on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 3:00pm.

Submitted by El Bastardo on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 2:58pm.
Can posters stop dissing my religion? For the love of Xenu STOP!
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Never! I will never forgive Xenu for ruining Beck for me.

>:( You'll be sorry! PRAISE XENU!

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My Lover!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om9p0NUNlSk&feature=fvwrel

Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:33pm.

Submitted by Mel-Tang on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 2:59pm.
Ok....I was just sitting here thinking about the movies Tommy gurl has made, and I had kind of forgotten about the gem 'Eyes Wide Shit.'
(Honest typo and I'm keeping it).
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I was on just last night! I watched about 15 minutes of Nicole dancing around acting like a flirty reeeetarded drunk, it was brutal BUT I still wanted to have sex with her because she was freakin hot as shit back in the day...just thought..you ..might have, you know... wanted
knooooow that...:P

Submitted by Kizzy on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:32pm.

Submitted by youarestupid on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 2:50pm.

I would ban the scientology talk too. Not because I don't want my kid getting shipped off but because I don't want some feral little freak jumping all my sofa with dirty shoes.
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Awww, c'mon now, double the crazy, double the fun!

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"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.Kravitz on August 19, 2008
"We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard
♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥

Submitted by saltydog88 on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:31pm.

No religious talk? Great! Katie and co will just have to work hard to teach Suri things like the hard sciences, get her interested in studying outer space, history and how the world was made early on and she isn't likely to be convinced of Scientology later.

Submitted by Nanners on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:30pm.

Submitted by El Bastardo on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 2:58pm.
Can posters stop dissing my religion? For the love of Xenu STOP!
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Never! I will never forgive Xenu for ruining Beck for me.

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What the fuck dude? And being European is NOT an excuse. - IHateCharityChic 05/10/2012

Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:29pm.

Submitted by doncorleone on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 2:40pm.
Tom is such a fucking tool, all he ever does is smile like he's getting a blowjob from the Green Bay Packers,
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LMFAO! Like we were talking about the other day, That shit eating crazy grin and Tom's character is what Christian Bale fashioned his American Phyco on!

Submitted by Mel-Tang on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:29pm.

Ok....I was just sitting here thinking about the movies Tommy gurl has made, and I had kind of forgotten about the gem 'Eyes Wide Shit.'
(Honest typo and I'm keeping it).

Anyway, turns out that the director, Stanley Kubrick, has a 50- ish yr old daughter who has been involved in Scientology for many years. She has had no association with the family for a very long time.

Could this movie have been his way of trying to get the word out about the cult? His death happened RIGHT as the movie was being released. I understand he was 70, but his wife refused to confirm how he died at that time. VERY STRANGE.

I remember Nicole Kidman saying she had a major problem doing the movie; that it made her feel REALLY uneasy and quite disturbed. I always wondered why. Maybe it hit too close to home.

It's just creepy, and I never put it all together until now. I was pretty young when I saw the film, and didn't know things about Scientology like I do now.

Here is an article about his estranged daughter:

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2010/08/26/stanley-kubricks-scient...

www.poopreport.com :)

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Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:28pm.

skinny fat - according to Jacko there will never be a whore #3. LOL

Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:28pm.

Whatever is out there now is what Tommy Gurrl wants out there. The settlement is done and Katie's lips are sealed.

Submitted by crazyinjapan on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:28pm.

I think this is great. Let the child come to a decision about religion on his or her own. That is what my parents did, and I've become a very happy agnostic Episcopalian.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:28pm.

TC is an ass and thinks the masses are fools (most of em, maybe). He is going to find some dumb bimbette to be his next piece and keep on acting in action flicks because he thinks we buy it. Lets see if they make another Mission Impossible. When does his next extravaganza come out?

Submitted by El Bastardo on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:28pm.

Can posters stop dissing my religion? For the love of Xenu STOP!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My Lover!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om9p0NUNlSk&feature=fvwrel

Submitted by skinny fat on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:28pm.

Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 2:52pm.

Oh dear. I won't ask about a whore #3.

Submitted by Barb Dwyer on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:27pm.

Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 2:47pm.
Like I've said before, this went WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY too easily. SOMETHING is up.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:24pm.

LOL - what M.E. said...
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers

Submitted by cici on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:24pm.

I kinda think this thing ended so quickly because Tom C could not survive another media bashing. He's only recently dug himself out of the Brooke/Matt/Oprah hole. Now the Katie heroine story was revving up and he just folded knowing this was his best option.

Don't really think he's gay but has serious issues with relationships -- plus getting sucked into Scientology isn't helping.

Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:24pm.

Methodists are way more open about who can take communion. Everyone! Catholics, not so much.
Last year while visiting my cousin, the organist for a Catholic Diocese, 2 of us non catholic visitors were given communion. The 3 college kids singing along almost had a group fainting spell! My cousin laughed his head off. And joked about lightning striking the church.

Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:22pm.

Submitted by skinny fat on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 2:51pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 2:40pm.

Yea, just like judges order both parents not to bad mouth the other in front of the child and we all know how that shit works out... Now that my daughter is 17 she informed me of all the shit whore #1 used to whisper in her ear about me... 90% of it was totally made up... the other 10% was no duh kinda shit. Suri is gonna be one confused, fucked up person... I feel sorry for her.
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Is there a whore #2?
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Whore #2 is the one that kept hawking her engagment ring and sold the fridge.

Submitted by skinny fat on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:22pm.

So Suri can't have any religion? That's stupid.

Submitted by skinny fat on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:21pm.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 2:40pm.

Submitted by youarestupid on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:20pm.

I would ban the scientology talk too. Not because I don't want my kid getting shipped off but because I don't want some feral little freak jumping all my sofa with dirty shoes.

Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:17pm.

Like I've said before, this went WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY too easily. SOMETHING is up.

Submitted by TexnDoc on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:13pm.

OH MK and you touring the Vatican and everything which still blows my mind there wasn't a booming "GET OUT" like the house in Amityville Horror when you entered.

I used to make a game in mass of wondering which people would be taken out when that massive chandelier fell or that other one. Then next week, I'd try to double the number of fatalities.