Sofia Vergara Got Engaged

July 10, 2012 / Posted by:

Sofia Vergara’s wearing a huge diamond ring on her hitchin’ finger and Wonderwall says it was given to her by her on-and-off again businessman (and wannabe politician) boyfriend Nick Loeb. The same Nick Loeb who may or may not have cheated on Sofia in a coke-fueled orgy with a bunch of hookers in a hotel room. (Nick says that rumor is a lie-covered dingle dangling off of fiction’s ass.) Sofia and Nick are in Mexico to celebrate her 40th birthday with 90 of her friends and family, and he took that moment to ask her to ruin her life by marrying him. Sofia said yes, but not everyone around her is queefing celebratory hearts. One source said:

“She’s the nicest, sweetest, kindest person on the Earth, but she has a thing for bad boys. And she found one with him.

They have a crazy relationship. They break up and make up. They fight and make up hard!”

I bet they’re one of those couples who ruin your party by having a fight in the middle of it. One of them locks themselves in the bathroom to cry into your bath mat and the other one sits in the chair by the cake cursing under their breath. You can’t piss, because that ho is hogging up the toilet with their tears and you can’t eat delicious cake, because that ho is sitting next to it and you don’t want to wake the whining beast. That couple is the worst. Oh well, there’s two positives in this. Sofia now has something to throw at Nick if she ever walks in and catches him with a mouthful of hooker poon. And it could be worse, she could be marrying Tommy Girl.

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