Jools Oliver Is A Trusting Wife
Snooping on a piece is a full-time job and forces you to ignore whatever sanity you have left in order to find out the truth according to your delusions. When I was 18, I had this boyfriend who I swore was passing his peen to other whores even though I had zero proof of this and he constantly denied it. Trying to figure out if he was dipping his dick in side ass turned me into a crazed, psychotic ninja. In my defense, I was 18, so I always had to live inside of a Mary J. Blige song. It was always extra EXTRA dramatic. I tried to figure out the password to his Hotmail account, but I couldn't and I think I locked him out of his account a few times by trying (sorry for that, first real boyfriend). The question to re-set the password was "What was the name of the street you grew up on?" I got my answer by playing the porn star name game with him. You know, I told him to pair the name of the street he grew up on with the name of his first pet to get his porn star name. He gave it to me, I got in and didn't find shit! He asked me if I re-set his password and I lied. Did not finding any evidence of side-dicking make me breath a sigh of relief and move on? Nope. It made me crazier and I was convinced he had another e-mail account I didn't know of.
I made fake profiles of dudes I thought were his type on several gay dating sites and waited for him to answer. He never did. As I waited for my boyfriend to fall into the Internet dick-trap I set, I tried to check the voicemail on his phone every time I was alone with it. Dude finally caught me and practically super glued his phone to the inside of his ass cheeks by taking it with him wherever he went including the bathroom. The lowest point came when I told myself that I had to get his voicemail password. I listened to the sound the keys on his cell phone made when he punched his password in it next to me. I tried to recreate that sound and it didn't work. That sound I tried to recreate is now known as the INSANE SLUT Symphony.
Even when one of my friends tried to fuck some truth into me by saying to me, "Um.... if you can't trust the bitch, maybe you shouldn't be with him. And you're crazy.", I didn't stop. Eventually, we broke up and it wasn't because of another dude, but it should've been because of another dude. I'm talking about a dude in a white coat who should've dragged me to the nearest mental hospital for being an insecure, crazy bitch. And that leads me to Jools Oliver....
Jools Oliver has been married to British chef and warrior against fatness Jamie Oliver for 12 years. They have four chirruns together named (Note: If you're currently writing a children's book about gay raver animals who live in the Enchanted Forest, here's your character names) Poppy Honey, Daisy Boo, Petal Blossom and Buddy Bear. Jools and Jamie have both said that they have a happy and trusting marriage. Jools told People in 2008 that she doesn't think Jamie will ever cheat on her. But recently, Jools said in an interview that she always checks Jamie's e-mail and Twitter accounts to make sure he's not humping tricks behind her back. From the Daily Mail:
‘Yeah, I’ll check his email. I’ll check his Twitter. I’ll check his phone. Everything seems fine,’ she said. ‘He says I’m a jealous girl, but I think I’m fairly laid-back, considering.’
Her confession comes as a particular surprise as she and Oliver have previously spoken about their absolute trust in each other.
In fact, Mrs Oliver was once ridiculed for saying she was certain he would never cheat on her during his long absences filming cookery programmes.
In a 2008 interview, she said: ‘I am very secure. People say “Oh you can’t trust a man 100 per cent,” but I’m afraid I say I can.
‘They say every man will have an affair, but I really don’t think mine will.
‘Actually, I know he won’t.’
Dear Jools, take it from my 18-year-old crazy self, nothing good can come from snooping. Besides, Jools shouldn't spend her free time reading her husband's private e-mails. She should spend her free time Googling, "how naming your kids after The Wuzzles could turn them against you in the future."
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Submitted by TexnDoc on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 2:07pm.
I love insane MK stories. Is this the BF who had your bags AND your Barbies packed outside in the hall for you the final time?
I used to like Jamie until he insulted The Two Fat Ladies, Clarissa and Jennifer, who were a world wide phenomena before him. Jerk. You only got your show because Jennifer died, and you were never one one hundredth as fun as they were. I have everything they did on the box DVD set and love it to this day. Nothing more entertaining that Jennifer with her bright red nail polish and gargantuan rings on every finger mashing her hands into minced pork and livers and blowing her nose and continuing.
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My MIL gave me their cook book too. I found not one single recipe I'd eat. :/
Mrs. Oliver seems pretty desperate putting such a statement out there for all the world to see, especially with four children who will eventually grow up and READ this.
Her husband reminds me of a poor ho's Bon Jovi. Skeezy.
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Fair is foul and foul is fair..
Submitted by Athina on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:47pm.
I am FB friends with practically every girl I've ever dated... no real bad break ups other than my 2 ex wives... every now and then they make inappropriate comments... my current gf gets a little pissy about it.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
In my experience, a couple that wears his & her lipstick can't go wrong.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
it's dumb bitches that say "he'll never cheat" that usually end up knowing what the rest of us women already know: of course he'll cheat. if there's a peen and he likes/is offered poon - he'll take it, 'cos men are just stupid fucks when you get down to it.
all they want is a bong, munchies, TV and to blow a load. a deep relationship? you're better off befriending malaria...
Athina - that would piss me right the fuck off.
I love insane MK stories. Is this the BF who had your bags AND your Barbies packed outside in the hall for you the final time?
I used to like Jamie until he insulted The Two Fat Ladies, Clarissa and Jennifer, who were a world wide phenomena before him. Jerk. You only got your show because Jennifer died, and you were never one one hundredth as fun as they were. I have everything they did on the box DVD set and love it to this day. Nothing more entertaining that Jennifer with her bright red nail polish and gargantuan rings on every finger mashing her hands into minced pork and livers and blowing her nose and continuing.
I was worse, MK. I once had that gut feeling that was driving me so fucking batty that something was going on, but I didn't know what and he'd do the, "*laughs* you're crazy and imagining things" shit. He asked me to do something on some virus program or some shit and gave me his password. I wondered if he'd use the same password for everything. It worked on his yahoo account and there was a bunch of chat buddies on there with names like BustyBabe69 and wetcunt, shit like that. I messaged one of them and asked where we'd met. She said "on adultfriendfinder.com, silly". "Oh ya, what was my name on there?" and pulled up his profile to confront him. He was speechless for the first time ever except for a bunch of incoherent sputtering. Definitely not proud, but I was actually more relieved I wasn't crazy and there was something there to confirm my gut.
Submitted by ditquoi on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:46pm.
I always heard Eric Benet said Halle Berry sucked in bed
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That crazy bitch was probably drunk and passed out.
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What the fuck dude? And being European is NOT an excuse. - IHateCharityChic 05/10/2012
Submitted by ditquoi on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:46pm.
Submitted by Paquita on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:31pm.
I have a theory that famous guys are lazy lays.
I always heard Eric Benet said Halle Berry sucked in bed so it probably works the same way for famous men, hell, even more so. ;)
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Makes total sense to me!
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Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!
http://lif3d3sign.tumblr.com/
OMG, these kids names. WTF...did mom pick those names when she was two and stuck with it.
Fuckin lame.
Submitted by Athina on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:47pm.
Hoes from his younger days friend him on Facebook and say stuff like, "Oh I never should have let you go," and "Oh look at you, diamond in the rough all along."
I trust my husband with all my heart, but these bitches need to get back in the past where they belong.
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I know on a logical level there's a slew of women out there who don't hesitate to behave like this. But when you come across this shit in reality, it's always disconcerting.
SHAME - it's a good thing, and some women need to learn it.
The rhumerrs in the UK were always that he had both a massive sex drive and a massive power drive. He would get any of his minions to blow him when he could. Not exactly gay he thinks as he's getting not giving and a hole is a hole.
Although as I read that back I realise that might apply just as well to the Gordon Ramsay stories.
Those hot sweaty kitchens with the big ego chefs...
Every man will have an affair (according to "they")? Good to know.
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Silly rabbit.
Submitted by Paquita on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:31pm.
I have a theory that famous guys are lazy lays.
I always heard Eric Benet said Halle Berry sucked in bed so it probably works the same way for famous men, hell, even more so. ;)
Yes and for the record, at every school I've taught at 80% of the fruit and veg and milk go in the trash. Sickening. Oh and those are the free lunch kiddies generally.
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" I don't care what anybody says about me, as long as it isn't true."
Dorothy Parker
On topic---Jamie Oliver reminds me of a young Simon LeBon, but with bad teeth.
Facebook drives me batty. My husband, when he was 18 and through to his early 20's was chubby, kind of unpopular and the wallflower kind of dude who drove a junky car. Now, he's cute, in shape and more successful than the asses he went to school with and married to MY ass. Hoes from his younger days friend him on Facebook and say stuff like, "Oh I never should have let you go," and "Oh look at you, diamond in the rough all along."
I trust my husband with all my heart, but these bitches need to get back in the past where they belong.
How is he attractive? Pompous ass.
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" I don't care what anybody says about me, as long as it isn't true."
Dorothy Parker
Michael K! You crazy bitch!!!!!!! hahahhah I have hacked a boyfriend before too LOL we're like twin spirits of evil destiny!
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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
- Andrés García Torres, inventor of the Catholic Anus Ruler
I have a theory that famous guys are lazy lays.
I intend to prove this by sleeping with famous chefs, actors, reality stars (hahaha) and report back to the D.
And jennagirl.... I think that when you have a hunch is most def true. It has been true for me. Glad you kicked his sorry ass out the door!
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Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!
http://lif3d3sign.tumblr.com/
Submitted by unemployed_bum on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:20pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 12:35pm.
I had eating disorder issues in high school. I lived off diet Coke and Xenedrine(
Jamie Oliver way back when and thinking that guy is a bit too porky looking to be telling other people what to eat. Just because you slather shit with olive oil instead of butter doesn't mean it is health food.
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Geeezuz I'm sorry to hear that, that must have been tough for sure! I hope you got it all straighten out:)
and I still think this guy's face looks a little porked out!
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Submitted by jennagirl on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:22pm.
M.E. and Whamo - yup. He never gave me any reason to think he was cheating. I just had a gut feeling that I could not shake for the life of me. I really did not like be proven right.
Whamo, I do. ;P
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That sucks, men are such pigs...sooooo...got any pictures:P lol!
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:10pm.
Mmmmmmm school cafeteria pizza. My youngest would bring home pizza from school because his older brothers paid him to buy pizza for them! What do they put in those things?
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SEE you can't rob kids of the good crappy shit, what salads all the time and whole wheat brad and such...WTF how are you suppose to have a good breakout out knowing you have a date in three days with a monster zit on your cheek (they were the worst because you couldn't really squeeze those "pea" ones under the skin:)
BH got some Jack in the Crack last night and I sampled a curly fry. It was tastey.
What the fuck is a Daisy Boo
M.E. and Whamo - yup. He never gave me any reason to think he was cheating. I just had a gut feeling that I could not shake for the life of me. I really did not like be proven right.
Whamo, I do. ;P
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"Kim Kardashian looks perfect," said absolutely fucking no one.
MK 7/26/11
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:12pm.
This is how sick I am...In the intro to his show the F Word, he's walking down a corridor removing his shirt to put on his chef blouse and I am saying "Oh, yeah slow, slowly slowly dont rush it. Yeah baby". My kids look at me like I grew a toe on my face.
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hahaha! oh you got it bad Gurrl I'm assuming the rest of him isn't as wrinkly. I thought he looked kinda sweet on his Christmas special when he's cooking with his chirruns and Mom. Good lighting I'm guessing.. Imagine what he looks like at the butt crack of dawn ?
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 12:35pm.
Submitted by tardistraveler on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 12:22pm.
Never really cared for Jamie Oliver's holier than thou attitude. I ate crappy school lunches for my entire public school run and I turned out fine.
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In my area they made the highschools change their menus to all healthy meals and it such a drain on the school systems because none of the kids are eating any of the crap and the cafes are losing a shit load of money LOL
Kids want french fries, pizza and CRAP. In grade 12 I use to sell joints three for $5 and LIVED off Fries and Gravy. My mom never made a lunch for at all that year ( I had a job too so she never questioned it) but man I can still taste those wonderful salted fries in the fiber paper containers with gravy dripping all over em!!
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I had eating disorder issues in high school. I lived off diet Coke and Xenedrine(the old kind with real ephedra in it). So yeah, my size 0 bony ass would still have consider Jamie's food to be fat crap just like pizza. At least the pizza tastes good. I remember watching Jamie Oliver way back when and thinking that guy is a bit too porky looking to be telling other people what to eat. Just because you slather shit with olive oil instead of butter doesn't mean it is health food.
*I'm ashamed of what I did for a Klondike Bar*
Submitted by Janice Second on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:14pm.
No way dude, I love that red seasoning shit but only on curly fries. Like shitty curly fries. Like from Arby's.
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LOL, each to there own. lol I'll eat em but only if I don't have any other choice.
Ehh.. who??. All I have to say is that one of the things that surely KILLS any relationship is lack of trust and an annoying insecure bitch (be that a male or a female). If the relationship is that rotten that any part or both have to resort to spying every single move of the other person, it's time to call it quits and move on.. to the nearest psychologist clinic, preferably. Who the hell likes to live like that?.
As for these unknowns, I feel pitty for her. It's a hell to live like that and in the end, he will dump her sorry insecure ass. I have a friend who's like her and I'm fed up with her asking me to go and play Inspector Gadget with her to spy on her cheating scum of a boyfriend. Fucking annoying.
Those kids's names are stupid. That's all.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
Submitted by jennagirl on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:13pm.
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They say if you suspect it chances are it's true:(
Sorry to hear that..... you got nice titties? lol!
jennagirl - usually when a woman has the gut feeling her piece is getting it on the side she's right.
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 12:53pm.
I hate when they fuck around them and sea salt them, curly fry them with that shitty red seasoning salt crap. or WORSE batter them with that crunchy crap!! The only other fries I like are the diner fries that are basically the long kinda widish bigger ones that are golden brown on the outside and the middle is still softish potato..?? you know which one I mean? lol! seriously just salt and vinegar (not the malt shit) and I'm in heaven!!
No way dude, I love that red seasoning shit but only on curly fries. Like shitty curly fries. Like from Arby's.
I unleashed the crazy in me a couple months ago and went through my now ex's phone when he was sleeping. Turns out he WAS fucking on other women, including his hairdresser and his trashy as hell looking ex. I threw his ass out of bed at 3am faster than you can say herpes. Not my finest moment, but I had a hunch and I was right.
That being said, I'd fuck JO.
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"Kim Kardashian looks perfect," said absolutely fucking no one.
MK 7/26/11
This is how sick I am...In the intro to his show the F Word, he's walking down a corridor removing his shirt to put on his chef blouse and I am saying "Oh, yeah slow, slowly slowly dont rush it. Yeah baby". My kids look at me like I grew a toe on my face.
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 12:35pm.
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Killer j's 3 for $5?? Where the hell were you when I needed you? (yesterday)
I dated a dealer when I was 16. He was 19. I had the best good shit in school. And it was all free :D
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Those prices were a LONG time ago..lol!!
Those were the day for sure, AND you went to all the best parties too didn't you:) My Highschool days were GREAT, I had this exact little racer in grade 12... the girls loved that bike too:P
http://www.hotboatpics.com/pics/data/500/19831MVC-316F.JPG
Mmmmmmm school cafeteria pizza. My youngest would bring home pizza from school because his older brothers paid him to buy pizza for them! What do they put in those things?
PSL - YES! My kids think I am mean because I make them play a sport. I mean it's a rule in our house, they can choose which one, but they MUST play a sport year round. Wii, Nintendo DS's and the iPad all have time limits on them as well as the TV. GO RIDE YOUR BIKES!
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 1:03pm.
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http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrqmms9r4r1r36jpso1_500.png
SWOON!!!
If I never have tuna casserole again, it will be too soon.
*side eyes mom*
I agree....the biggest reason kids are fat is because they lead sedentary lives
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My heart's made of parts of all that's around me
And that's why the devil just can't get around me
OMG THOSE NAMES. Those poor kids!!! I would go Menendez brothers on their asses.
Aw MK I love your stories, even the crazy psycho bitch ones. ♥
Paquita - OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My ex. Yeah I remember now.
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 12:51pm.
Paquita - Que? I have the memory of a gnat.
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HAHAHA SI!!!!
This was so long ago. This awful boyfriend that I had. you told me about this serial cheater you dated. It really marked me cause it was a breakthru pour moi. How he apologized to all your family but still had a chick call to your house. Some stuff like that. hehehehe
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Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!
http://lif3d3sign.tumblr.com/
My white trash comfort go-to: Kraft Mac & Cheese, but add a can of albacore tuna, and I've satisfied my inner childhood. (My mom's fried chicken was AWESOME.)
My vision of world peace: a chicken in every pot, and pot for all us chickens...and weasels.
Haha, ophelia--- great minds. :P
NOW YOU SLAGS BACK OFF OF GORDON - HE'S MINE!!! AND DONT CALL HIM SHARPAY!!!
She can have him. Who'd want to sex on that fat-tongued, liver-lipped lispther? He looks as though he smells of yeast.
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 12:35pm.
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Killer j's 3 for $5?? Where the hell were you when I needed you? (yesterday)
I dated a dealer when I was 16. He was 19. I had the best good shit in school. And it was all free :D
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 12:57pm.
he's pretty unappealing, look at his teefs too
yeah there's one that's cheez whiz orange almost.. blaahk.. his tongue always bugged me. It's almost like it's too fat for his mouf.