Ernest Borgnine Has Passed Away

Ernest Borgnine’s angel wing eyebrows spread wide and flew him off to heaven today after he died of kidney failure while surrounded by his wife Tova and children at Cedars-Sinai in L.A. Ernest was 95. Ernest’s manager issued this statement to CNN about the passing of the original Gappy:

“It’s a very sad day. The industry has lost someone great, the caliber of which we will never see again. A true icon. But more importantly, the world has lost a sage and loving man who taught us all how to ‘grow young.’ His infectious smile and chuckle made the world a happier place.”

If you ask your memaw how she best knows Ernest Borgnine, she’ll probably say Marty, the role he won an Oscar for in 1955. If you ask me how I best know Ernest Borgnine, I’ll say the original The Poseidon Adventure (let’s just forget that remake ever happened), because that shit is the best. If you ask an 8-year-old (or your favorite stoner) how they best know Ernest Borgnine, they’ll say they know him best as the Mermaid Man from SpongeBob and then they’ll tell you that the police should really question Dirty Bubble. Ernest was also in From Here to Eternity, McHale’s Navy, Airwolf, The Simpsons, The Dirty Dozen and on, and on, and on. Oh, and Ernest was also married to Ethel Merman for like a month in the 1960s, because why not?

Rest in peace, Ernest Borgnine. Thank you for these wise words to fap by.