Tommy & Katie Are Settling Shit Behind Closed Doors

At least we’ll always have this masterpiece from the Museum of Beards of Katie Holmes and Tommy Girl looking like two butch power lezzies at the top of their game. Those were the days when Tommy could hit a few keys on Stepford Katie’s control pad and get her dress up like a power top to his power bottom. But the roles have reversed and Katie’s the one controlling a bitch for now.

TMZ says that Tommy has pressed pause on his plans to file for divorce in California and is playing nice with Katie by keeping their custody fight in New York. TMZ also farted into our popcorn bags, because they claim that Tommy and Katie won’t give us some extra dramatic Kramer vs. Kramer shit in a public court room anytime soon. BOOOOOOOO. Tommy’s NY lawyers and Katie’s lawyers are in a conference room somewhere in Manhattan quietly negotiating custody of Scientology’s golden child, child support and money shit. One source says that if shit goes well, they can figure everything out in NY and won’t have to move this mess to CA.

Well, well, well….. Earlier this week, Tommy was all ready to put on his best pair of stompin’ heels and fight a trick hard. My guess is that Tommy changed his mind when Katie strolled to his locked closet door, held up its key and threatened to open it. Tommy is all for a bitch squeezing his nuts, but not like this and not by Katie. I love it. Oh, to be a Thetan sipping a martini on the end of Tommy’s butt plug during those negotiations. I’d love to feel the clench of his nalgas as Katie threatens to tell everyone about the Shrine to David Beckham in his dungeon unless he agrees to not give Suri a Kiddie’s First E-Meter Kit for her next birthday.