Speed Douche

July 6, 2012 / Posted by:

The world’s most famous singing beaver fetus Justin Bieber was pulled over today in L.A. by the CHP for going at least 80 mph on the 101 freeway at Vineland. In Bieber’s defense, he hasn’t learned his numbers yet, so it’s not completely his fault.

LAPD motor officer turned L.A. City Councilman Dennis Zine tells TMZ that he’s the one who ratted on The Lesbeaver by calling 911, because the yodeling beaver was “driving like a maniac” and “weaving in and out of traffic.” Dennis also said that Bieber used the shoulder to pass cars. Dennis Zine thinks The Lesbeaver was going closer to 100 mph than 80 mph and if it was up to him, he’d throw Bieber into toddler jail for reckless driving. Bieber’s rep barfed up a shitty excuse by saying that he was speeding because he was trying to get away from the paparazzi.

Hmmmm…. Well, maybe the paparazzi wouldn’t be able to find Bieber if his fancy car wasn’t painted in the completely inconspicuous shade of LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME. Dumb ass Bieber should only be allowed to drive a Big Wheels in his backyard. That’s it.

The officer gave Bieber a speeding ticket and let him drive away. To which Lindsay Lohan replied, “A ticket? HA! They do that?

You know who should also get a ticket? Selena Gomez’s ass. TMZ didn’t say if Selena was in the car or not, but you know she was. I mean, Selena was obviously the one working the pedals since Bieber can’t reach.


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