Matthew McConaughey And Camila Alves Are Fertile
Matthew McConaughey took a break yesterday from celebrating his Fourth of July by busting the national anthem on his bongos drums while only wearing American flag nipple tassels and he jumped on Twitter to tell his followers that ANOTHER fetus has moved into Camila Alves' uterus. So instead of just 2 kids screaming "DAAAAAAAAD!" in a few years after seeing the Texas T-Rex clench his greasy nalgas in Magic Mike, there will be 3! Here's Matthew's latest BABY!!! announcement and it helps if you read it while picturing him saying it in a leather vest and a matching leather thong.
happy birthday America, more good news, Camila and I are expecting our 3rd child, God bless, just keep livin
You'd think that the Texas T-Rex's sperm fishes are as stoned as him, so they'd take their time in making their way to Camila's ovaries and play beats on her eggs like a bongo instead of doing what they're supposed to do.... But nope, his sperm fishes get shit done!
Matthew and Camila's 2-year-old is named Vida and their 3-year-old is named Levi, so obviously they're going to stick with the 4 letter name. I'm guessing they'll go with Bong McConaughey.
• 
Has anyone seen his cologne commercial? *gag* Pure sleaze and he's just slimy imo.
She is beautiful in her exotic way: I don't get the atraction (she's SUPER low profile) but love is subjective.
She looks tired because she has 3 children Matthew counts as one) at home and one in the belly. I'd look far worse, trust.
That bish looking tired as hell.
I guess their household is both anti- dedorant and birth control?
Lucy: there's a sexxy times image for you! Sexing it up with 'ol B.O. TRex! It would smell like sex, stale weed, B.O. and of course, regret. You're welcome :). Vom.
She looks like a cross between Kim Kardashian and a man...
Submitted by little_rascal on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 11:37am.
You wanted scrumptious Matt Boner and got old stoned Texas T-Rex instead? LOLs can't stop laughing!
Hahaha, I know right? I hate my subconscious.
I get all kinds of career desperation hints from him, like he'd like to be Greta Garbo but his accountant is reminding him he isn't exactly rolling in the ching-ching. Bet he ends up in television, too. Cop drama of course.
I guess it's not true that weed kills your sperm.
Anyway, they're in for a nasty surprise. I've heard that the third kid is when you realize that you're outnumbered.
*********
I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 11:15am.
Submitted by Darknight on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 11:03am.
Congratulations on finding time to fuck with two toddlers. Good luck with three.
----------------
LOLLL FACT. Me and the ex used to prop the little one up in front of the TV with a Barney tape and go knock it out... I still get hard when I hear that stupid song.
_____________________________________________
Hey Jack, that is what my husband and I used to do too......I love you, you love me, we're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 11:32am.
Submitted by skinny fat on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 11:30am.
Submitted by lilac wine on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 11:18am.
I agree with you both - he just skeeves me out.
And to make everything more dreadful I had a dream about him a few nights ago. When I said I wanted a Magic Mike dream, God, that was NOT what I meant.
=========
You wanted scrumptious Matt Boner and got old stoned Texas T-Rex instead? LOLs can't stop laughing!
In the main pic (as viewed on my phone), she looks somewhat like a tall, young Lisa Bonet.
He's looking like Robert Duvall circa Lonesome Dove here.
Lindsay Lohan's costar's nalgas flew her so close to the sun that they both exploded into stardust that still lights up Hollywood.
She is fug and he is cheesy and gross.
That is all.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Douchechill!
"They don't look like they belong together, he looks like a ranch hand that won a migrant worker in a poker game."
That's pretty fucking lame.
Submitted by skinny fat on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 11:30am.
Submitted by lilac wine on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 11:18am.
I agree with you both - he just skeeves me out.
And to make everything more dreadful I had a dream about him a few nights ago. When I said I wanted a Magic Mike dream, God, that was NOT what I meant.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 11:13am.
he looks like a ranch hand that won a migrant worker in a poker game.
Ha! I see it.
Submitted by lilac wine on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 11:18am.
Saw Magic Mike, and I am honestly baffled that people find him attractive. I mean, to each his own, but I was pretty grossed out by his charbroiled nalgas and his weird ab muscles that jut out like those of a starving child in Africa.
***************
me too. he's just gross. greasy and smarmy and creepy and icky. she does look all busted.
they both were decent looking and looks like they sucked the looks out of each other.. i can think of another couple like that but i wont mention the name as the looney tunes will come out and its pretty quiet today
"God bless, just keep livin"
*groan*
i dont find mm attractive.. ive seen worse but i always got a creepy vibe from him. scares me.. its like.. owen wilson but a step above.
One of the ugliest couples out there.
She used to be so pretty, but she looks more and more busted in the face every time I see her. Must be all those kids.
Submitted by Whamo: "They don't look like they belong together, he looks like a ranch hand that won a migrant worker in a poker game."
Oh, snap!
He's always given me the creeps. And, I could've swore that he just knocked her up. It seems like I read this a few months ago.
I agree with Whamo re: the ranch hand comment. I didn't know they were so fertile, either! Didn't they just get married?
Saw Magic Mike, and I am honestly baffled that people find him attractive. I mean, to each his own, but I was pretty grossed out by his charbroiled nalgas and his weird ab muscles that jut out like those of a starving child in Africa. On top of that, he had a stringy, greasy, semi-mullet. But I have friends who think he's an Adonis, so like I said, to each his own.
"Every time an asshole signs off with 'love and light,' hate and darkness eats a kitten." -MK
Submitted by Darknight on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 11:03am.
Congratulations on finding time to fuck with two toddlers. Good luck with three.
----------------
LOLLL FACT. Me and the ex used to prop the little one up in front of the TV with a Barney tape and go knock it out... I still get hard when I hear that stupid song.
_____________________________________________
"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Congrats to them.
I really don't mind MM at all but jeezus, his head looks too big for his body and his plastic surgery hasn't done a thing for him. He should have aged naturally; he'd look much better now.
Seems like a good enough guy, though. You never really read anything about him being a diva or a douchebag. At least I never have.
Submitted by Darknight on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 11:03am.
Congratulations on finding time to fuck with two toddlers. Good luck with three.
=============
I was trying to find a way to say exactly this, but in a delicate, refined manner. Now I don't need to - thanks!
I once overheard some women talking about a mutual friend of theirs. In the mid 90s, she had one baby in December. Then she had another baby, prema-fucking-turally, in September the next year. Then she had another in August the year after that.
I have no idea who she was, or even if this was true, but it's always the first thing that comes to mind whenever I see people having kids in quick succession. Congratulations but, more importantly, where do y'all find the time?!
They don't look like they belong together, he looks like a ranch hand that won a migrant worker in a poker game.
I think he's probably a pretty nice guy, but his voice irritates the shit out of me.
That has to be the biggest Dbag look I've seen come out of Matt. I know we goof on him but and most of his movies suck but I don't know, lets just say I don't HATE him anyway.
He is aging rather...odd
dang! he done been havin babys up and down the entire county!!
-------------------------------------------------
Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
If I had McConaughey coin, and accepted that I had lost my hot, I would launch myself a big time production company like Sundance (but without the Weinsteins) and POSITION myself as a showbiz indie power player. It must be that these "stars" actually have no CASH. But congrats to them, because I think I actually like them...in theory. Bong on, dudes. (I do like the kids' names.)
My vision of world peace: a chicken in every pot, and pot for all us chickens...and weasels.
matthew mcgonogay was AWFUL in magic mike. he looked a aging queen preening around like a peacock. and he's all leathery looking and just SMARMY. on the other hand, not having even seen the man before, i am in love with Channing Tatum.
Congratulations on finding time to fuck with two toddlers. Good luck with three.
It's never too late to be who you might have been.
~George Eliot~
Well, nobody likes a long-armed babeh, but I sure hope the kids don't have his arm genes.
´¨¨) -:¦:-
¸.•´ .•´¨¨)
(¸¸.•´ ..•´ but what do I know?-:¦:-
-:¦:- (¸¸.•´*
gross. im gonna go puke
I look at this couple and think, "I should find them attractive," but I just don't. She looks rather Khloe-ish and he has a long, weird face. Hopefully their genes together will combine nicely and their kids will be attractive. That happens sometimes.
I can tell this is going to be a long day.
_____________________________________________
"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
bong water = baby making juice...
_____________________________________________
"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Congrats to them. Another babeh...wow.