Kris Humphries Might've Made A Baby With His Rebound

Oh hell, we're all fucked, because it turns out Kris Humphries' IQ doesn't match his sperm count and he probably put a baby in the trick he started wet humping on right after Pimp Mama Kris sped up the ending to his scripted marriage to her prized pig Kim Kardashian. Myla Sinanaj, the one on the right who looks like a Bad Girls Club reject who got caught in the middle of a Wet N Wild factory explosion, claims that she's got a 3-month-old fetus up in her womb and she already loves that unborn baby so much that she sold the news to TMZ before telling Kris Humphries. I would declare this as a victory for gold diggers, but it's unethical to take advantage of a dim oaf of a douche who probably believed Myla when she told him that the only way he can make a baby is if he cums in a stork.

If this is true, then it could completely screw up Kris' divorce settlement, because he's trying to say that he was so sad on the inside after he found out Kim only used his innocent heart for a stunt and he was too busy crying every time he peed (you know, because it reminded him of Kim) to move on quickly to another trick. Kris has been trying to shut Myla up, because she's out there spilling all kinds of shit about their relationship including talking about the time he told her that Pimp Mama Kris directed Kim's fuck tape with Ray-J.

A source tells TMZ that Myla is so hurt about how Kris has treated her that she plans to have the baby and raise it on her own. That's what she thinks....

Myla probably thinks that she'll have the baby, hit Kris up for some child support and will live the gold digger dream by not having to work for the next 18 years. That's not going to happen. Kris doesn't even remember which letter comes after "c" in the alphabet, so I doubt he remembers that when he sold his soul to the Kuntrashians he also promised to give him his first born. So ten seconds after Myla delivers her baby via c-section (duh), Pimp Mama Kris will show herself in a cloud of bronzer dust and collect that kid before slithering out the window. Then PMK will dip that baby in glue, roll it in Sasquatch fur and give it to Khloe Kardashian who will claim it as her own and pose with it on the cover of Life & Style. The Kuntrashians will turn Myla's money baby into their money baby. It's like that.

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 8:09am.

Well, back in my day, when a woman found herself pregnant with a baby she wasn't prepared for, she had an abortion.

Guess the pro-lifers win this one. *grimace*

Submitted by guest on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 8:07am.

She looks pretttty. *snort*

Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 8:05am.

The entire last half of this post caused me to wee myself. Thank you MK

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How can a man be a mom?

*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-

Submitted by pixxxie on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 8:01am.

Submitted by elmo533 on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 9:21am.
I seriously question if the kid is his. This chick sounds like an opportunist, so chances are she's lying. My question is this: If a girl says she's pregnant and says a certain guy is the father, does he have to start shelling out money while she's pregnant, or does he wait until a paternity test is done?

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a chick like this combined with the fact i kinda think he's an asshole .. he'll wait for paternity test lol

Submitted by elmo533 on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 7:51am.

I seriously question if the kid is his. This chick sounds like an opportunist, so chances are she's lying. My question is this: If a girl says she's pregnant and says a certain guy is the father, does he have to start shelling out money while she's pregnant, or does he wait until a paternity test is done?

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"Somewhere, Jennifer Love Hewitt is vagazzling the words "FUCK MY LIFE" onto her crotch while deep throating a Pillsbury cookie dough roll".--MK

Submitted by mamacita75 on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 7:28am.

How much you wanna bet that Pimp Mama found this chick in her stable and paid her to do this???

Hmmm????

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I have to laugh to keep from crying.

Submitted by Athina on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 7:17am.

Yeah, but the problem with both of these theories, is that an innocent child is being punished. By denying the mother child support, the child will have to do without. Yes, the mother made a stupid, wreckless decision, but why should the baby be punished? And by punishing the father by taking away his visitation, again the child is being punished.

The solution is that selfish assholes need to stop having babies. You shouldn't even THINK about bringing a baby into this world unless you're in a healthy, permanent relationship and you're financially stable.

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Submitted by DR.FUNK on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 12:11am.

Have'nt posted this in awhile:

THE LAW SHOULD READ THAT WOMEN WHO CHOOSE TO BREED OUT OF WEDLOCK SHALL NOT BE ENTITLED TO FINANCIAL SUPPORT...PUBLIC OR PRIVATE.

Another "convenient accident" in the service of a VANITY PROJECT.
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I'm actually more sympathetic to this than most commenters here.

But it has to work both ways. Any man who choses to breed out of wedlock has no right to see said children, unless their mother deigns to allow it. Responsibility has to apply to both genders.

Submitted by letinstar on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 6:48am.

that frosted pink lip stick is doing this trick no favors...

_____________________________________________
"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr

Submitted by Lisbet459 on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 5:36am.

Submitted by DR.FUNK on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 6:05am.

Way smarter/richer dudes than Kris Humphries have found themselves having to deal with the capriciousness of some broad exercising her "biological prerogative".Many of them (allegedly) smarter & more accomplished than this professional party skanque.It's just depressing to see women act out like this with all the reliable birth control options aimed (mostly) at them.It's as if the last 60 years of birth control options and womens empowerment never happened.

P.S. "Darwin Tax"...I like it! We may disagree...but I will be stealing that one for future use. :-)
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Any man who has sex with a woman, without a condom, deserves everything he gets. It takes two to make a baby, and if he doesn't uphold his end of the contraceptive deal, then I have no sympathy.

If he did use a condom, and it failed, or was sabotaged, then that's one thing. But not using one at all is just sub moronic. If these men are so smart, then they have no excuse.

Submitted by Lisbet459 on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 5:33am.

Submitted by DR.FUNK on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 12:11am.

Have'nt posted this in awhile:

THE LAW SHOULD READ THAT WOMEN WHO CHOOSE TO BREED OUT OF WEDLOCK SHALL NOT BE ENTITLED TO FINANCIAL SUPPORT...PUBLIC OR PRIVATE.

Another "convenient accident" in the service of a VANITY PROJECT.
=================

I'm actually more sympathetic to this than most commenters here.

But it has to work both ways. Any man who choses to breed out of wedlock has no right to see said children, unless their mother deigns to allow it. Responsibility has to apply to both genders.

Submitted by tonicbitch on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 4:44am.

@Dr Funk - yes some women do intentionally put themselves in that position. But in all seriousness a lot of women have gone into relationships with good intentions and have found themselves in a bad situation. I'm sure you were joking, but I don't think it's fair to proclaim all women be punished because some bad ones take advantage of a guy's stupidity or carelessness.

Submitted by DR.FUNK on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 4:35am.

@Submitted by tonicbitch on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 5:06am.

P.S. "Darwin Tax"...I like it! We may disagree...but I will be stealing that one for future use. :-)

Submitted by kndall44 on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 3:50am.

Kris isn't screwed in the divorce.
Just lowkey rebound sex w/a prositute --not 1/2 as bad & inyourface as Kim & Kanye's relationship.

Submitted by tonicbitch on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 3:36am.

Submitted by DR.FUNK on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 12:11am.

THE LAW SHOULD READ THAT WOMEN WHO CHOOSE TO BREED OUT OF WEDLOCK SHALL NOT BE ENTITLED TO FINANCIAL SUPPORT...PUBLIC OR PRIVATE.
------------------------------------------------

Condoms are cheap and rich athletes nailing every gross thing in sight probably should be triple-bagging that shit. If they don't, then they are morons and child support is like their 18-year Darwin tax.

Submitted by freshfacestripper on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 3:17am.

Lol!Her makeup!! Ahaaaa! Imagine that being your baby mamma?! Trash.

Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 3:02am.

Sadly, Kris has 'tinymeat-face'

Submitted by chinlee3 on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 2:21am.

Wow, what are the odds of that?

Submitted by loopygorilla on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 1:35am.

how he has a type doesnt he?

the over tanned, heavy make-up, over-accessorized ho.

but i see plenty of women who dress like that and they attract that "type" of guy, the kris humphries type.

the dumb cavemen types who think beauty is in the 12 bottles of self tanning cream, lucite heels (no offense shauna sand), pinky white lipstick, shit drawn eye brows, 3 layers of fake lashes, basically a barbie doll on steroids.

and who the fuck wears big dangle earrings and then adds feathers to them. ive seeing drag queens who dress more tone down that these bitches.

Submitted by z-listed on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 1:04am.

All I can say is this dude has awful taste in women!

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 12:38am.

She looks like the type of woman who will always put her child's needs before her own. Once more he chose wisely.

(((Owl)))!

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Who are you calling silly cow?

Submitted by Get Serious on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 12:10am.

She's a cold, calculating, manipulative, money grubbing gold digging attention whore. He's been shown to be STOOOOOPIDD. These 2 morons deserve each other...

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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer

Submitted by RandéSleepover on Fri, 07/06/2012 - 12:00am.

I didn't think it was possible to downgrade after KK but he's done it.

He'll have plenty of time to ponder things while he's riding the Nets' bench next year.

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 11:45pm.

He really has shitty taste in women!

And she is so classy to tell TMZ before him.

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None are so empty as those who are full of themselves

Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 11:44pm.

What a dumbass.



Submitted by Datura on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 10:59am.
I was a skinny, pink preemie. I looked like an earthworm until I was two months old.

Submitted by salacious on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 11:36pm.

Submitted by mike on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 10:31pm.

Is he doing his suckie impression in that pic?!?

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LOL. Sucky will be either incredibly honored, or terribly offended.

Come to think about it, this ho might even be working for the Turdashians and she was paid to seduce him.

I feel sorry for this guy. It must be hard for him to be aware that everybody else around him consider him "mentally challenged".

I am rooting for him to claim some of that money from that piece of trash. He's earned it.

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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"

Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 11:35pm.

Ahahahahaha, oh you stupid, stupid fool. All you had to do was walk around with a sad face in pap pictures, let your "sources" leak that you were busted up beyond repair and had lost faith in human nature and true love because you were used, and wait for the $$$ to pour in.

OMG, there can't be a bigger dumbass on this planet then this stupid motherfucker. Hope the forgettable 10 minutes of squirt-time was worth all you forfeited.

Have to repeat...ahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahhaha
dumbass.

___________________________
If it looks like a stunt, walks like a stunt and smells like warm piss on burnt plastic, it came directly from Pimp Mama Kris' pimpin' hand. - MK

Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 10:59pm.

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 10:47pm.
Man, this guy's brainpower puts the Higgs Boson physicists to shame
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Ya I'm sure he spits atoms in his spare time. lol

Submitted by LaChaylo on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 10:57pm.

So, wait. He's a mediocre bball player who's supposed to only get paid from his divorce with Kim the latrine, only if he proves he was blindsided and broken up by the divorce and not out screwing a Snooki protege?

Poor, big, dumb oaf. I feel a little sorry for him, only because I imagine he's a thorn on the Kuntrashian ass. But this only bodes well for Satan's harem.

Submitted by oh dave on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 10:55pm.

He had to be as bad as Kim to get past the doorstep I think. He has a good job if Kanye doesn't have Jay fire him, so he should just move on. No one would think twice about him moving on to this Snook-alike so fast except that he wants to cry and act hurt? Go play basketball, you moron. Get rich and stfu.

http://burning-plastic.tumblr.com/

Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 10:54pm.

This chick totally strikes me as the type that would keep a used condoms she "threw out" for him and one he's gone drains it in her cootch. This dude is so stupid he didn't realize she was "that type" and once again gets fooled by a ho bag!

Submitted by OXA on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 10:44pm.

At least this chick is not a human urinal and she is set for life if it is his demon seed.

Submitted by DR.FUNK on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 10:41pm.

Have'nt posted this in awhile:

THE LAW SHOULD READ THAT WOMEN WHO CHOOSE TO BREED OUT OF WEDLOCK SHALL NOT BE ENTITLED TO FINANCIAL SUPPORT...PUBLIC OR PRIVATE.

Another "convenient accident" in the service of a VANITY PROJECT.

Submitted by Grace Disful on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 10:12pm.

The pertinent thing about this article is that I have that shade of nail polish and it is indeed made by Wet n' Wild-- it's called "Blackest Red."

I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.

Submitted by SoulTaker on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 10:05pm.

Why do basically pretty women want to make themselves look like stupid clowns by smearing on so much horrible makeup?

Submitted by elanenergy on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 10:00pm.

This trick. Why did DUH have to confess his woes (a plenty, fo sho) to the human equivalent of a toilet seat. Oh yeah, because he has no experience with actual human relationships. This will not go well...MK, I wouldn't even doubt if your theory pans out. Oh the humanity.

My vision of world peace: a chicken in every pot, and pot for all us chickens...and weasels.

Submitted by Side-Eyez on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 9:57pm.

Hilarious - watch at :40 - "uggghhh"...Kris Humphries is not the sharpest tool in the shed. LOL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZjZzFDb_x4

Submitted by oh dave on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 9:56pm.

She looks like a trashy version of Kim K. !!! What? I know!

http://burning-plastic.tumblr.com/

Submitted by KANYESCAPS on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 9:56pm.

I don't think this is true. I think she's just trying to embarrass him as much as she feels he's embarrassed her. The timing of this "announcement" and the fact that TMZ got the info from a "source" seems odd. I bet Pimp Mama herself called TMZ and told them or she put Fatmire up to it to make him look bad. Do they not realize that just because someone screws someone else after a breakup, it doesn't necessarily mean they have "moved on", it means they had rebound sex. Someone that has moved on is in the tabloids and on every blog imaginable running around behind their new BF 24/7.

Submitted by tonicbitch on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 9:50pm.

Normally I couldn't give a fizzled fuck, but girl. Don't you own a fucking mirror? Some bitch at Sephora tricked you into buying the whole Kat V D line and you look like Snooki the Clown. That is NOT how you build self-esteem, ok? Head down to the prescriptives counter at Nordstrom, get some acetone and find your fucking skin shade and match it. Then maybe you'll feel better about yourself and you won't need to fuck the fucking Geico man, ok?

Submitted by soapopera4cam on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 9:49pm.

fucking slut beat me to the punch smdh

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http://tinyurl.com/69rcrqy

Submitted by how dare you on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 9:37pm.

I have no doubt these classy kids used condoms. I'm sure they paid attention in health class. They probably went to the kitchen, got a banana, and put the condom on the banana before they fucked.

´¨¨) -:¦:-
¸.•´ .•´¨¨)
(¸¸.•´ ..•´ but what do I know?-:¦:-
-:¦:- (¸¸.•´*

Submitted by Im_A_Prick on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 9:37pm.

Loathe

Submitted by Im_A_Prick on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 9:32pm.

I Fucking love you MK as usual you are spot on and I love a good Pimp Mama Kris story, keep em coming! I loathed that fucking family!

Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 9:27pm.

He sure has a type.

Also, she is sooo STUPID! IF she really is knocked up with a jolly green baby, it would be in her best interest to keep her trashy mouth shut so the dolt can get paid some of that Kardasian money. But I am obviously giving her too much credit.

Submitted by PinkPostIt on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 9:25pm.

Pimp Momma is working overtime. It will take months before the baby is born (if there is one) to determine paternity and it gives her time to create more lies. Just another KockRAOCHian ruse.