BOOOOOOO! Yet another Dlisted field trip has been canceled. On July 17th, we won’t be eating popcorn in the back of a NYC court room while watching Katie Holmes and Tommy Girl bikini wrestle for custody of Suri in a kiddie pool full of barley water. Hollywood Life played with our emotions yesterday when they said that Katie filed a request for an emergency hearing to try to get temporary full custody of Suri. But Katie’s lawyer Jonathan Wolfe killed my buzz last night by telling People that there will be no public custody dance-off between Katie and Tommy, because he didn’t file shit:
“Other than her action for divorce, the only pending application filed by Ms. Holmes remains her request for an anonymous caption.”
Tommy’s lawyer Bert Fields released his own statement of words yesterday and threw some shade while doing so. Let the games begin!
“Tactically we can’t say where Tom will file a divorce case and if he’ll be seeking joint custody of Suri. We are letting ‘the other side’ (Katie and her team), play the media until they wear everyone out and then we’ll have something to say. It’s not Tom’s style to do this publicly. He is really sad about what’s happening.”
Somewhere, John Travolta just let out an “OH SNAP, GURL!” at that statement. Bert is right, though. Tommy is the epitome of private and he’d never ever play the media. That time Tommy stomped on Oprah’s ugly yellow couch? It wasn’t at all choreographed and he didn’t do it to manipulate the world into thinking that he naturally gets excited about vagina. All those times Tommy paraded Suri in front of the paps? It was just a natural moment between a father and daughter, and Tommy didn’t hit ctrl+alt+smile on the keyboard on Suri’s back to make her look extra happy. PLEASE. The only shit Tommy keeps private is the truth.
“He has been Tom Cruise for 30 years. I know who I am and where I am and where I want to go, so I want to focus on that. I definitely feel much more comfortable in my own skin. I feel sexier. I’m starting to come into my own. It’s like a new phase.”
That quote sounds like it’s reaching until you read it literally. I mean, Katie obviously found a way to rip off the Thetan-proof skin shell that Scientologists wrapped her with on her wedding night.