Katie Holmes Wants To Take This Shit Public

July 4, 2012 / Posted by:

Ever since Katie Holmes took shit from serious to SERIOUS by filing for sole custody of Suri Cruise in NYC, the media has been saying that it’s only a matter of days before Tommy Girl files his own divorce papers in California. In California, Tommy has a better chance of getting joint custody of L. Ron Hubbard’s golden child and if he doesn’t, he can easily grab her, take her to the flying pirate ship in  Scientology’s California desert compound and fly her off to space where she can be raised by moon craters or whatever. Hollywood Life (aka grainofsalt.org) says that Katie’s lawyers know what Tommy is trying to do and they’re one step ahead of his ass. They filed for an emergency hearing in NYC yesterday, forcing Tommy to get himself a New York lawyer and show his face in court on July 17th. Katie wants a judge to grant her temporary full custody of Suri and give her some child support. HL says this is Katie’s way of letting Tommy know that she’ll happily break Scientology’s fourth wall if he tries to fuck with her. A source put it like this:

Katie filed an ‘emergent application’ in New York City on July 3. It’s a motion seeking temporary emergency relief, which can include child support and custody. It also means that Tom is going to have to hire a New York lawyer — he can’t use his Calif. lawyer anymore. The motion also means that both Tom and Katie have to be present in court on July 17. A judge is now assigned to their case, which means it’s no longer going to be an out-of-court settlement. They are scheduled to appear before Judge Matthew Cooper on July 17 at 9:30 AM. 

Katie doesn’t anticipate Tom cooperating, and there have been rumors that he’s going to file in Calif. and argue that litigation should be there rather than New York. Bottom line: if you file an emergency motion, you don’t believe there’s going to be cooperation from the other party or you need an order that only the court can give. It might have something to do with trying to control the media.They filed under anonymous verses anonymous to avoid the media. Most celebs do that. It’s unlikely for a celebrity to file an emergency hearing, because most celebrities settle out of court because they don’t want the media involved in their case. Katie and Tom are now going to have an open court room, which means that anyone can walk in and see what’s happening. Plus, they are putting their case in the hands of a judge who is going to determine what happens next. Most public figures don’t want that — it’s a last resort. It’s super-aggressive for Katie to have taken these steps. It suggests that there’s going to be a contentious divorce battle to come.”

If this is true, then I guess in two weeks we’ll all be sitting in the back of a NYC courtroom eating popcorn and drinking white wine spritzers out of white grape juice bottles while watching the real-life Scientologized remake of Not Without My Daughter. That shit is going to be a show. It’s times like this when I wish Judge Judy was still a practicing family court judge and that one of her aliases is Judge Matthew Cooper. Judge Judy would rip Tommy a new asshole and not in the way he’d like. “Don’t shit on my face and tell me it’s cum, Tommy!” 

Here’s Katie and Suri celebrating Tommy’s 50th birthday last night by eating freshly churned freedom.

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