Hot Slut Of The Day!
The Black Snake Firework! Over 230 years ago, our founding daddies broke up with King George III and the rest of Britain by writing them one of those "we just don't want the same things anymore, we've grown apart, etc..etc..." letters on Lisa Frank stationary. Then they wrapped that "bitch bye" letter around a mix-tape with Kelly Clarkson's "Miss Independent" and George Michael's "Freedom! '76" on it. And now every year, we celebrate that break up by turning our stomach bags into a red, white and blue aquarium of barbecue sauce, vodka and Berry Blue Kool-Aid. And some of you bitches are really celebrating this shit by sitting on the curb in front of your house and sipping on a vodka Kool-Aid while watching your neighbors put on a spectacular street fireworks show using fireworks they bought at a stand off the freeway (or smuggled in illegally from Tijuana).
One of my favorite, favorite, favorite street fireworks is the snake firework. It's the best firework, because it shouldn't even be a firework. It's a piece of shit! No, it really looks like a long piece of shit (side note: I chose this video, because the music is really soothing and the perfect soundtrack for taking a zen caca).
It's like watching the pavement take a really, long fiery poo. It's like your ass after you eat spicy food. Yes, it's a Dr. Oz-approved shit, but still. And we'd stand around it and "oooh and ahhhh" at the pavement having a bowel movement. It's really the pavement's lucky night, because who gets to take a shit in front of a clapping audience (besides GOOPY Paltrow since she probably has people on her staff who only do that for her)?
So whatever you're doing today know that somewhere a small crowd of people are getting hypnotized by a flaming hot scat snake. Happy Fourth, everyone!
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That thing is disgusting but totally appropriate for this blog. Happy 4th byotches!
Happy 4th everyone!
Oh, and you've got to love the Chinese "WARINING" on the label, too! ;)
Happy Independence Day Sluts!
Ha ha I didn't notice that!
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Certified Slore
TWAS????? Hai! Where you been?????
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Do they still sell these?
LOL @ "zen caca"!
Happy 4th of July to all!
God bless America, my home sweet home! I wasn't even born and raised in this country, but I love it to pieces. *strums balalaika*
The Kardashians have found their next endorsement!
MK, you are the (twisted) Connoisseur of the Internet. Most think exotic cheeses with fine wine, who would have come up with 4th of July and firecracker poop.
We used to stack them, to try and make the "longest poop"!
Happy 4th Everyone!
Dog, same here. Tonight's going to be a loud one. Ugh.
MK, you funny hor you. I think your version of US independence should be included in text books, especially here in Texas where storytelling trumps truth.
"MUM! it's burning dog poo!" my 4 year old just watched this vid
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Certified Slore
I'll never forget the year my otherwise law-abiding Dad decided to shoot off a bottle rocket in our backyard and ended up setting the entire marsh on fire - good times!
LOL that does look like it's taking an endless neverending shit! hahaha ;D
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by Dog on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 12:31pm.
Fireworks question: Why is it that the neighborhood asshole who like to shoot off their own fireworks in the yards, despite how disruptive it is, always choose to do it after 11:00pm? Is there some redneck law that says you can't shoot off your illegal and frigging annoying-as-hell fireworks until everyone else is in bed???
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I was expressing the same thought last night, but with many more expletives.
My heart goes out to everyone who has to spend the day with family or maybe friends that they just can't stand.
Sonne, I just watched a little of the video. Words fail me. Okay, no they don't. That looks like an invisible being is pinching the world's longest loaf. How in doody hell is that thing even considered a firework? Does it explode into diarrhea at the end or something??? God!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
MK, I loved the snakes when I was a kid, especially the smell. Happy Freaking Fourth of July Dlisters. Let your Freak Flag fly!
Yes, Dog, it's the international probably drunk asshole code of non-ethics. We have the same types here.
I loved those snake fireworks, too. That and the plastic smoking monkey we had one year.
http://davidgoad.wordpress.com/2010/07/04/the-smoking-monkey/
OMG I LOVED BLACK SNAKES and SPARKLERS. They were the "pussy" baby titty fireworks for "sensitive" children in my neck of the woods. The other, more "sturdy" children were launching black cats at each other and rockets were set off anywhere and everywhere. But, kids, that was the 60s-70s...it ROCKED. Fires everywhere in my state, and the only fireworks are the professional "pyro-technics displays" which are pretty awesome. Enjoy!
My vision of world peace: a chicken in every pot, and pot for all us chickens...and weasels.
That's one of my favorites. Gave me something to do while waiting for it to get dark.
These are the only fireworks my parents would buy when I was a kid...
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...the end
Fireworks question: Why is it that the neighborhood asshole who like to shoot off their own fireworks in the yards, despite how disruptive it is, always choose to do it after 11:00pm? Is there some redneck law that says you can't shoot off your illegal and frigging annoying-as-hell fireworks until everyone else is in bed???
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org