Hot Slut Of The Day!
The Black Snake Firework! Over 230 years ago, our founding daddies broke up with King George III and the rest of Britain by writing them one of those "we just don't want the same things anymore, we've grown apart, etc..etc..." letters on Lisa Frank stationary. Then they wrapped that "bitch bye" letter around a mix-tape with Kelly Clarkson's "Miss Independent" and George Michael's "Freedom! '76" on it. And now every year, we celebrate that break up by turning our stomach bags into a red, white and blue aquarium of barbecue sauce, vodka and Berry Blue Kool-Aid. And some of you bitches are really celebrating this shit by sitting on the curb in front of your house and sipping on a vodka Kool-Aid while watching your neighbors put on a spectacular street fireworks show using fireworks they bought at a stand off the freeway (or smuggled in illegally from Tijuana).
One of my favorite, favorite, favorite street fireworks is the snake firework. It's the best firework, because it shouldn't even be a firework. It's a piece of shit! No, it really looks like a long piece of shit (side note: I chose this video, because the music is really soothing and the perfect soundtrack for taking a zen caca).
It's like watching the pavement take a really, long fiery poo. It's like your ass after you eat spicy food. Yes, it's a Dr. Oz-approved shit, but still. And we'd stand around it and "oooh and ahhhh" at the pavement having a bowel movement. It's really the pavement's lucky night, because who gets to take a shit in front of a clapping audience (besides GOOPY Paltrow since she probably has people on her staff who only do that for her)?
So whatever you're doing today know that somewhere a small crowd of people are getting hypnotized by a flaming hot scat snake. Happy Fourth, everyone!
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I loved these!! Wow, haven't thought of them in decades... I will always love you MK: you keep memories ALIVE!
I remember those things! At age 6 they were cool. At age 11 or so, you figured out it looked like a live bowel movement, and they became funny.
I remember watching one of those lit by a kid at the bus stop and thought at first it was a real worm or something. Now that I am much older it really does look like dog crap.
Happy 4th of July to all my American friends.
Enjoy!
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Or the artist formerly known as SalmaNella
I used to LOVE these when I was a kid! I just bought some a few weeks ago to share with my two daughters and I was so disappointed. They were complete duds compared to the snakes of my youth. These new ones barely produce anything. Boo hiss.
Snakes!!!!The 4th was a high holy day in our family because my brothers could legally (in our eyes), blow stuff up. We had a bottle rocket war with a neighbor, which was awesome. We would tape sparklers to the rear of our bicycles and ride them around like we were badasses. Even our dog liked the fireworks; he would roll in the smoke. No, he didn't get burned or anything. We did keep him away from live action. Snakes were great for their sidewalk skidmarks ; )
I loved these 'cause fireworks scared me as a kid. These were the only "fireworks" I would light myself.
I'm kinda embarassed I was such a pussy kid.
LOL MK, I love you so.
We lit those last night those are my favorites a as well ever since I was little and that's exactly what we kept saying it looks like poo!!! I has to work today no firework funz for me oh well at least I have sparklers for later :)
MK, it's scary how much you and I think alike. Love you.
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I've written a letter to MK...saying...I...love...youuuuuu.
haha ...Comedy Central just showed the Giant Black Snake episode 4th of July show... you rock MK!!
Nail me to my car... then I'll tell you who you are...Joe The Lion
Has anybody seen the South Park where they make the worlds largest black snake and then it destroys the town LOL
I remember these being far more impressive as a child, now it just looks like the sidewalk is taking a flaming poop (but yay for poop jokes!).
@Whamo, 'blow dead bears' brings back many snickers and giggles, thanks for that!! (Toronto girl)
I would seriously have a screaming crying fit over these snakes. I just loved lighting them so much, so when my mom would say "Ok, honey we're going to light them together" I'd be all...NOOOO LET ME DO IT!!! And then you'd hear my dad in the background going "will ya just let the kid do it herself jesus christ!!!" I was such a little shit!!
"It's like your ass after you eat spicy food."
Oh Michael K, you are a national treasure.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 1:31pm
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LOL, that's funny and cute:)
Ta GG, top o the morning to ya! *glug*
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My Lover!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om9p0NUNlSk&feature=fvwrel
OMG I've never seen anything like that, it made me feel queasy! Any other British people can correct me or agree? Pretty certain we can't get those here. thank goodness :D thanks for that MK :/
*slides a Guinness to ElB* Happy 4th ElB.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 1:27pm.
@ElB - Go pay yer tv tax and floss those crooked yellow teefs, you drunken Brit!
*HIC* whatttevver! *puke* You don't know me!
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My Lover!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om9p0NUNlSk&feature=fvwrel
Submitted by cripbabe on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 1:29pm.
is that all it does? please, for all that uncoiling, the least it should do is explode at the end and take out the annoying-ass douche who bought it!
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ROFLMAO!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
That's IT, Whamo! I seriously dont know how she could have thought a heard of kids wouldnt get into trouble or dirty running rampant on the 4th! At the end of the day we'd come back dirty, braids messed up, some blood, and bare foot! And maybe a little burnt! :D
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 1:27pm.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 1:19pm.
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I answered your BB post :)
^^^^^^^^^^
And so did I!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
is that all it does? please, for all that uncoiling, the least it should do is explode at the end and take out the annoying-ass douche who bought it!
Happy 4th all. Stay off the road; went out for backup vino and clueless dorks were all over the place backing up lines and it's insane out there.
Re: the vid - the hell is that shit?? Never saw this snake firework in my life in the bx. Cracked up laughing when it fell over and broke in two, cause I'm a 9yro like that. It looks freaky. I hope that shit is biodegradable.
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"Discussions about what is good, beautiful, noble, pure, true, could always go on. Why is that important? Because that is the only conversation worth having." C.Hitchens,1949-2011. (RIP MCA, "no sleep til Brooklyn") *caprica six was/is here*
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 1:19pm.
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I answered your BB post :)
@ElB - Go pay yer tv tax and floss those crooked yellow teefs, you drunken Brit!
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 1:20pm.
I am talking Al Jolsen time here.
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LMAO !!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIaj7FNHnjQ
@Dog. We loooove Jodie, Jordan, Becks and Charlie!! *beeeeeeellllccchhhhh*
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My Lover!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om9p0NUNlSk&feature=fvwrel
These used to just make my mom LIVID. After you light them and you touch them - they fall apart and you are holing a hand full of soot. Mom, would freak because we had gotten grimey! I am talking Al Jolsen time here.
Adding to El Bastardo's rant... AND Glad we don´t have Texas anymore, or California and for the rest of the states I don´t care much, just for Las Vegas city which I like too much. hahaha
Happy 4th! Fank you Will Smith! lol
I am stuck at work cause I didn't get my vacations to travel and party with my US fellows and even being online is boring today.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!
http://lif3d3sign.tumblr.com/
Submitted by El Bastardo on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 1:17pm.
*note* Just remember IF you hadn't got your country back there wouldn't be Kardashians, Hiltons or Lohans! Hahahaha, who are the losers now?
*FART*
^^^^^^^^^^^
Says the country who spawned Jodie Marsh, Jordan, the Beckhams, and Prince Charles.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
HURRAH FOR KING GEORGE!! We let you have that shithole USA! UK UK UK! *moons everyone* Hope your beers flat and tastes like piss and your fireworks don't go off >:(
*note* Just remember IF you hadn't got your country back there wouldn't be Kardashians, Hiltons or Lohans! Hahahaha, who are the losers now?
*FART*
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My Lover!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om9p0NUNlSk&feature=fvwrel
Submitted by Twas Brillig on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 1:14pm.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 07/04/2012 -12:49pm.
TWAS????? Hai! Where you been?????
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Herro!
I have been reading but feeling quiet and dull.
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I'm sorry. :-( I hope things get, or are, better.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 1:13pm.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 1:06pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 1:00pm.
Is your neck, perhaps, a wee bit red?
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Just a Good Ole Canadian boy...yeeehaw.
It's a guy thing it think, I just can't see girls firing fireworks at the friend's heads:)
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Um........no commento.
I left you a message in the OP.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 07/04/2012 -12:49pm.
TWAS????? Hai! Where you been?????
________
Herro!
I have been reading but feeling quiet and dull.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 1:06pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 1:00pm.
Is your neck, perhaps, a wee bit red?
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Just a Good Ole Canadian boy...yeeehaw.
It's a guy thing it think, I just can't see girls firing fireworks at the friend's heads:)
That literally is hot shit...
Vodka Kool-Aide! Thanks, MK! I knew something was missing. I'll go mix some up right now!
Submitted by Spoiled on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 1:04pm.
Submitted by Dog - "...Does NO ONE check those things?
I guess you just can't buy good 6-year-old child labor like you used to...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Oh, that's just wrong.
*snicker*
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
happy 4th, Have a safe one.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 1:00pm.
Is your neck, perhaps, a wee bit red?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Dog - "...Does NO ONE check those things?
I guess you just can't buy good 6-year-old child labor like you used to...
LMAO, these fucking things blew dead bears! Now firing bottle rockets at your buddies while you were 18 hammered and at a field party!! now THAT was fun!
That and the brilliant idea of firing Roman Candles at said friends was also good fun!
Was it stupid, fuckin A it was that's why it was fun!!
Submitted by guest on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 12:53pm.
So it doesn't sparkle or pop or anything!?!? *frowns*
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Exactly.
I guess the warning label is like most Chinese food take out menus. I once went through one for typos because I was bored. Does NO ONE check those things?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by RichBitch on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 12:47pm.
The Kardashians have found their next endorsement!
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Don't give them anymore ideas!!!
(I imagine that's what a Khloe turd looks like.)
Submitted by Spoiled on Wed, 07/04/2012 - 12:49pm.
Oh, and you've got to love the Chinese "WARINING" on the label, too! ;)
heh, and I love how the main warining (sic) is that they're flammable. Odd warning for a product sold with the intent of being set aflame.
So it doesn't sparkle or pop or anything!?!? *frowns*