Katie Holmes Has Pink-Slipped EVERYBODY

July 2, 2012 / Posted by:

Right after Katie Holmes went down to the Geek Squad and had them remove all the brainwashing-viruses Scientology installed in the hard drive in her head, she pushed the enema deeper and continued to cleanse her life of all things Tommy Girl-related. TMZ says that after Katie filed for divorce and moved into her own apartment, she dropped the bodyguard and driver that Tommy assigned to her when she became his contract concubine 6 years ago. Katie also quit the publicist Tommy introduced to her and re-hired the PR firm she had before her bearding days. Bitch is seriously flushing the shit from her life like colon-obsessor GOOPY Paltrow on any day of the week.

TMZ says that Katie shot an episode of Project Runway All-Stars (yes, ANOTHER Project Runway All-stars) in NYC today and she showed up with a whole new team of bodyguards and a different driver. Some source says that Katie let go of her old bodyguards, because their in Tommy’s corner, obviously.

Instead of firing her old bodyguards, Katie should’ve just poured holy water over their Scientology-made robot heads and softly cackled as their power grids malfunctioned before they shut down completely. That way all the data they collected on her in their hard drives would be lost FOREVER!

Some people have been saying that Katie gladly signed a bearding contract years ago and knew what kind of crazy she was getting into, so what happened for her to suddenly bolt? Well, TMZ says that Tommy really wanted to ship Suri off to Sea Org, which is like a Scientology boarding school where they brainwash the children into believing the words of a science fiction writer. The kids are sent to live there at the age of 6 and parents are not allowed. Katie got out of there to save Suri’s soooooouuuul.

You know, those crazy Scientology bitches would probably have more members if they accepted kids as young as 2 into that Sea Org mess. Yes, brainwashing a kid at any age is wrong, but have you ever spent some time with a terrible two year old? They’ll drive you to pick up the phone, dial 1-800-GET-XENU and say, “Hey Scientology, tell me about this Sea Org shit…

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