Hot Slut Of The Day!
Kevin Nash, WWE wrestler, actor and the greatest thing in Magic Mike (SPOILER ALERTS) next to the vomit-slurping micro pig and a cameo from Joe ManJello’s silicone dick in a peen pump.
Because horny hos couldn’t stay away from seeing Matt Boner’s bouncing bare nalgas, Magic Mike didn’t flop at the box office this weekend, but I still give that shit only two and a half fap strokes out of 5. There was way too much plot, way too much talking, most of it look like it was shot through an Instagram filter, Channing Tatum’s beige matte lipstick was not the look and the main girl’s annoying face needed to go away completely.
That main girl, Cody Horn, apparently only got the role, because her daddy is the president of Warner Bros. Bitch obviously didn’t get the role because of her acting skills. She whined out every single line and when she wasn’t whining with her mouth, she was silently whining with her face. The entire role needed to be chopped, though. When you go to a movie about dick-swinging, ass-jiggling male strippers, the last thing you want to see is some annoying hag judging all the male strippers for being male strippers. Bitch would always be like, “Stripping is wrong. Don’t be a stripper. Drugs are wrong. Don’t do drugs. Fun is wrong. Don’t have fun.” Bitch needed to shut her mouth and stop cock-blocking the audience. There’s no whining in male stripper movies and the world definitely doesn’t need ANOTHER Tori Spelling.
But there was one bright shining star that made me temporarily forget about Cody Horn’s annoying face and that bright shining star was Kevin Nash. Kevin played Tarzan, a permanently stoned human brick of a stripper who spread panty butter all over the audience with his smooth moves. Keep your eye on the left and prepare to salivate:
I’m sure a paraplegic geriatric gorilla with a suppository stuck up his ass could bust out sexier moves than that. Seeing Kevin Nash show us all the moves he learned at The Herp Derp Dance School was definitely worth the price of admission.