Hot Slut Of The Day!
Kevin Nash, WWE wrestler, actor and the greatest thing in Magic Mike (SPOILER ALERTS) next to the vomit-slurping micro pig and a cameo from Joe ManJello's silicone dick in a peen pump.
Because horny hos couldn't stay away from seeing Matt Boner's bouncing bare nalgas, Magic Mike didn't flop at the box office this weekend, but I still give that shit only two and a half fap strokes out of 5. There was way too much plot, way too much talking, most of it look like it was shot through an Instagram filter, Channing Tatum's beige matte lipstick was not the look and the main girl's annoying face needed to go away completely.
That main girl, Cody Horn, apparently only got the role, because her daddy is the president of Warner Bros. Bitch obviously didn't get the role because of her acting skills. She whined out every single line and when she wasn't whining with her mouth, she was silently whining with her face. The entire role needed to be chopped, though. When you go to a movie about dick-swinging, ass-jiggling male strippers, the last thing you want to see is some annoying hag judging all the male strippers for being male strippers. Bitch would always be like, "Stripping is wrong. Don't be a stripper. Drugs are wrong. Don't do drugs. Fun is wrong. Don't have fun." Bitch needed to shut her mouth and stop cock-blocking the audience. There's no whining in male stripper movies and the world definitely doesn't need ANOTHER Tori Spelling.
But there was one bright shining star that made me temporarily forget about Cody Horn's annoying face and that bright shining star was Kevin Nash. Kevin played Tarzan, a permanently stoned human brick of a stripper who spread panty butter all over the audience with his smooth moves. Keep your eye on the left and prepare to salivate:
I'm sure a paraplegic geriatric gorilla with a suppository stuck up his ass could bust out sexier moves than that. Seeing Kevin Nash show us all the moves he learned at The Herp Derp Dance School was definitely worth the price of admission.
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I still want to go see this. Maybe next week!
I just googled this Cody Horn girl. Apparently, her audition consisted of an interview.
http://gawker.com/5922940/magic-mikes-cody-horn-is-the-new-tori-spelling
Submitted by Datura on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 10:59am.
I was a skinny, pink preemie. I looked like an earthworm until I was two months old.
Submitted by Capitanne on Mon, 07/02/2012 - 5:33pm.
I loved Magic Mike! I don't know what Michael's beef with Channing Ttaum cause he was hawt. And Matthew McConnogay was so gross it was hilarious. He desperately wanted his grinding of Alex Pettyfer's ass to lead to penetration, and was worth the price of admission.
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No shit! That was fucking epic. Matt M. was off the chain in that movie. It was hysterical to watch!
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"I'll rip your tongue out of your mouth...and lick my balls with it!"
Woof woof woof! Of course this didn't tank at the box office silly! But I also didn't go in expecting gay porn! hahaha It's a wide-release film so I fully expected Pretty Man with some hot man ass thrown in there. And it delivered.
Could it have been all man-on-man action, OF COURSE, but you can already download that, no? ... baby steps MK, baby steps... *kisses* ღ
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠░░░░
Uh, HOME. Not homes. I'm not that's good of a golddigga.
Submitted by sinjin on Mon, 07/02/2012 - 1:23pm.
Discovered Matt Boner! Yay! New fap material!
I'm glad you've seen the light. Things can only get more beautiful from here on if you start watching White Collar too.
Didn't realise this post was here.
But anyway, I was excited for MM until someone I know went to see it and said that it's mostly plot and not that much stripping, and Matt Bomer has like 4 lines in the whole movie? Yeah, not here for Channing Tatum's dough face or stupid relationship story-lines, thanks.
Athina: YES. The guy I'm seeing told me he installed fire alarms in his homes and I was all kinds of turned on. This sort of cirque du no way? Nope.
I loved Magic Mike! I don't know what Michael's beef with Channing Ttaum cause he was hawt. And Matthew McConnogay was so gross it was hilarious. He desperately wanted his grinding of Alex Pettyfer's ass to lead to penetration, and was worth the price of admission.
Yes! He was my favorite part of this shit-plot-filled movie. I lived for his non-dancing skills and his scene as Tarzan where his moves in the old WWE ring came into play. Oh, Big Daddy Sexy still has it.
I would've been happier paying $12 of non-stop stripping and no talking. The "Pony" scene was by far my favorite and I don't think that bitch Channing is cute.
It definitely had my lady boner going until about halfway through the film when that Cody bitch started to talk. Someone needs to make a Phantom edit of this bitch!
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
MK, this review is hilarious. I never turn down the full frontal in cinema....but it seems this Magic Dick movie is not the riveting piece of work that was say...Boogie Nights (which I loved.)
My vision of world peace: a chicken in every pot, and pot for all us chickens...and weasels.
I don't know what you slores are going on about, I love male strippers! Waxed chests, muscles, goofy moves, corny music and all. God bless America.
I took my Momma and Grandma. My Grandma said "...that was a cute movie". Ummmm, which part Grandma? The nekkid bums or the penis pump with penis in it? *dies* I am an honest ho and I have to tell ya I enjoyed Channing. I likey Mikey.
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I've got ten bucks and me and dirty eddie are staying out all weekend! - Rob Pue (thank you BBitch and Sweetas)
The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
I hate the director's overuse of piss yellow lighting. I'm convinced it's something in women that makes strange peen unappealing to look at. The women that I know of that like this are not that smart and are an advertiser's dream, since they buy whatever shit is geared towards them.
Submitted by luvmehateme on Mon, 07/02/2012 - 1:18pm
thank you -- you just saved me some $!
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
My sister and her hefer cronies went on friday to see this...they are still rubbing themselves. Ewww.
I cant see this...thought I could go for the man meat but Tatums inbread face is too creepy. I jusat cant!
Went with my sister who wanted to see it.
1) HATED that ugly main chick, couldn't figure out how the hell she got the part with her constant chin pout and why her part was even necessary. *looks for comlaint department*
2) Joe Man-Jello wasn't used Nearly enough, shouldn've been in the 2nd row ALWAYS. I finally understood his appeal. During True Blood last night, my main complaint about him was "Too many
clothes!"
3) Discovered Matt Boner! Yay! New fap material!
4) Channing Tatum is too generic for me.
5) That wrestling dude has no business in this movie! Eww.
6) Too much plot.
That theatre was 99% women, including some grandmas plus at least 1 elderly married type. LOL
I had a good time watching this movie. I didn't expect Shakespeare, and I sure as shit didn't get it.
What I got was Channing Tatum dancing to Ginuwine and to see his ass. Top night, in my opinion.
Honestly that girl was the ONLY thing I fucking HATED in the movie. It was fucking painful to watch. Painful. What a fucking dullard she is. Totally dead behind the eyes. It's sad when I would rather see Olivia Munn in something more than you. That is when you suck at life.
And Bomer is in the movie for like a total of 8 minutes.
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"I'll rip your tongue out of your mouth...and lick my balls with it!"
yeah I honestly don't understand how women could possibly be turned on by male strippers.
it's funny, like when you see a stripper flip some big girl upside down and pretend to eat her cooch, but that's about all there is to it.
the first and last time I was in a male strip club, some Fabio looking schmuck was giving a lap dance to a memaw in a wheelchair. *shudder*
[creeps into back of thread hanging head and in soft voice says] back in the 80s Kevin Nash was one of my favorite wrestlers [smh at myself]
could someone please just tell me approximately how many minutes of Matt Bomer in this movie? that's my only concern
ETA: to be clear, i mean nekked Matt Bomer. thank you for your attention to this matter.
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
I went to see it Saturday night with the girls. I expected it to be subpar but with enough sex and dongs to make it worth the price of admission. Not only was it even WORSE than I imagined, the dancing and stripping was second-hand embarrassing. And there wasn't enough sex/smut to make up for the horrid acting.
The only good part was seeing my former home... Tampa.
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"Drink your juice, Shelby" M'Lynn Steel Magnolias
For the life of me, I don't get the appeal of this movie. Men just do not look sexy doing this shit. Watching my husband change a flat tire, chop down a stump in the yard, and lift heavy-ass stuff is sexy. But watching him dance like a fool with a waxed chest? Not so much.
:S never found male stripping...an attractive thing. I think I am still traumatized by that time I went to this underground male strip club, and they had their penises out. it was really strange. I got the fuck outta there ASAP.
Coma Caca!
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PS:
The great part of that clip is Matt Boner Blocks T-rex.
*chanting as always*
Shut the fuck up kid, you're in my closet now.
I am a 42-year-old mom. I have NOT read 50 Shades of Grey, nor do I have any desire to read it. I also will not go see this lame movie.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Jack why do those activities have to be mutually exclusive?
*gets thrown out of theater Pee Wee Herman style*
*chanting as always*
Shut the fuck up kid, you're in my closet now.
I had fun watching this movie. All the ladies were really rowdy in the theater. I'm sure it helped that the theater we went to has a bar. The plot sucked, but who really went there to pay attention to a plot anyway?
Plus I got John Rich to respond to me on Twitter about him not being in the movie. He's more my type lol
Christ! Just reading that I laughed so hard looked like a damned paraplegic geriatric gorilla with PALSY on the damn red line thankyouverylittle!
I liked it! But all the ladies in the movie could NOT STAND Cody Horn. It was so sad. She moped her way through the whole movie. Whiny Crybaby! Then I got pissed when Adam Rodriquez was only a minor player and he had one of the best bodies!
LOL Mom porn! Eh, I don't mom stuff. I don't get the mom groups at all. They hang out, talk about PTA, shopping, Twilight and all that weird shit.
I swear, at my son's school, the moms hang out for 2-3 hours before the pickup bells rings to talk about all this shit. I wish I had that kind of time, hell, if I did I'd go inside and volunteer, not yammering in line.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 07/02/2012 - 10:26am.
A lot of the women I know took one hand off their pocket rocket and one hand off their worn out, sticky page 50 Shades of Grey to go see this...
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BWAHAHAHAH! Yup. I actually (personally) know a few. I don't even.
50 Shades of Grey = someone read Twilight + watched an episode of Bliss on the Oxygen Channel + went into Spencers and bought these hand cuffs because it's *seeew* risque.
In short: bad BDSM erotica with shoe horned story. I recommend listening to Gilbert Godfrey read it on YouTube...if your ears can last that long.
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Like a boss.
Submitted by EvilShoe on Mon, 07/02/2012 - 11:23am.
Jack, what is 50 shades of grey
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it's that shitty book all the moms are creaming their granny panties over... people are calling it "mom porn"... lol
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Jack, what is 50 shades of grey? Is that some online chat for women?
I'm not watching this mess. I don't do male strip club stuff well. Took a friend years ago for her birthday and I swear the whole place was full of housewives. It was awkward as hell. I liked giving one dude $50 to drag my friend on stage and make her ride him in front of the whole place for her birthday though. The sheer terror on her face was worth it. ahahahaha!
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 07/02/2012 - 10:26am.
A lot of the women I know took one hand off their pocket rocket and one hand off their worn out, sticky page 50 Shades of Grey to go see this...
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I have no idea what you just wrote...
yea nash's knees are shot to hell from all the years he put into wrestling. he did a match on wwe a few months ago and he could barely move.
MATT BONER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In Nash's defense, he has been wrestling for a long damn time and his knees are shot to shit. But he Definately sucked ass at dancing.
why would they cast dumb hos in a movie about male strippers???? and matt boner has a nice ass.... dayum!
The Full Monty was hotter. seriously. those guys were the shit. especially the one out in front.
Submitted by austin1234 on Mon, 07/02/2012 - 10:43am.
I admire the useless information you provide in your cleverly articulated comments. I'll mark your face and sit my friends on it often. I'm sure you will learn many new things here than anyone else!
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Well..I guess there was a reason why the kept him in the back. He looks like Fred Flinstone fumbling and tripping while trying dance steps in the Arthur Quarry dance studio. Channing can dance circles around everyone (with the possible exception of Matt B.) I don't know why he doesn't do Broadway or the West End. He'd be a good stage star.
Rooney, Lana/Lizzy, Cody. This seems to be the era of the "Rich Daddy's Girl Makes It Big". Ugh.
That annoying girl is sum FUG
A lot of the women I know took one hand off their pocket rocket and one hand off their worn out, sticky page 50 Shades of Grey to go see this...
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers