Alec Baldwin Got Married, Managed Not To Curse A Bitch Out While Doing So
28-year-old yoga instructor Hilaria Thomas (short for Hilarious Thomas, I hope) became 54-year-old Alec Baldwin's second wife (and his first wife in the eyes of the Catholic GOD) at St. Patrick's Old Cathedral in NYC last night. Guests including Tina Fey, Tina's husband Jeff Richmond, Stephen Baldwin, Billy Baldwin, Robert Kennedy Jr., Soon-Yi, Woody Allen and Mariska Hargitay all watched as Alec promised to love, cherish and try his best to not call his new wife "a wheezy old, thoughtless goat pig" in a rage-filled voicemail (SPOILER ALERT: Alec is going to fail at that last one). Alec and Hilaria got engaged in April after dating for about a year.
People, who will have all the EXCLUSIVO pictures from this blessed gold digger achievement ceremony, says that Hilaria wore a dress by some designer named Amsale, Alec wore Tom Ford and his precious pink unicorn pillow pet served as ring bearer. I can't wait to see the pictures of Alec punching the photographer in the face with globs of wedding cake for looking at him funny through the lens.
You can tell that Alec is SERIOUS about this marriage. Dude got his hair dyed a special shade and everything. I'd like to think that seconds after Alec lifted Hilaria's veil at the altar, their first conversation went something like this. The part of Hilaria will be played by a possessed Whoopi Goldberg and the part of Alec will be played by Orlando's widow:
Congratulations to Alec's colorist for getting it RIGHT!
• 
I couldn't care less about this douche bag or anything he does.
Anyone that marries him is obviously a masochist!
Silly old man.
--------------------------------
Fair is foul and foul is fair..
Alec's bride has to be a complete idiot to marry that enraged lunatic. How long before he's hurling insults and threats at her, as he has been doing to Kim Bassinger for years??? His bride will be hiding out at Katie Holmes' fortified NYC apartment in no time.
Cheryl Hines seems conspicuously absent from the proceedings. Usually she'd be tweeting her good fortune and hanging from Robert Jr.'s arm so no photographer would miss her photo op.
Looks like a Kennedy daughter had to step in to fill the void.
I'd like to think it would give any woman pause to find out that her multi- millionaire boyfriend pauperized his ex-wife in order to get the upper-hand in their divorce.
Kennedy men are slugs in their private lives. If they are not: leaving you to drown in a car or hang yourself in a barn, raping you, paralyzing you in a car crash, having sex with underage girls, punching you in an airport terminal, forcing the family and wife to dine with your mistress, or lobotomizing you, they are planning ways to divorce you and get an annulment so they can marry the next Mrs Kennedy in the Catholic Church.
It was Eunice Kennedy who started the Special Olympics and she lead the life a compassionate and decent woman.
============================================
Submitted by Hekki on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 1:57pm.
Also in attendance was Piece of Shit Robert Kennedy Jr.
Several sources are reporting this, but here's a blurb from Radar:
"In new court papers filed late last week in New York, it's alleged that Robert F. Kennedy Jr. failed to pay his wife's legal bills and left her so tight for cash she often had to ask friends for money just to buy groceries."
Oh, but I'm sure he'll be nicer to YOU when he's done with you, Cheryl MonkeyFace Hines!
What in the unholy fug vampire hell is that green monstrosity? Alec's new wife sounds like a dim bulb. I won't be surprised when he pulls a Michael Lohan on her (i.e., smacks her around).
_______________________________________________
"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."
- Yogi Berra
Submitted by Dog on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 2:56pm.
Submitted by undinespragg on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 2:43pm.
Submitted by Dog on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 2:29pm.
Mariska Hargitay used to be so gorgeous. Now that menopause has hit, she's a bloated-looking land whale.
-------
I still think she is. She has never been stick thin. I read in an article that she got a lot of pressure to lose weight because she was a size 8. I think that cut of dress was not the best choice, though.
^^^^^^^^^^^^
She jumped the shark for me when I read an article in Ladies Home Journal (shut up - I was at the salon) where she said she never exercised but then I read in another magazine where she said she runs several miles every day. She also told conflicting stories in one mag about how she doesn't have a staff at home but in another one the reporter said how the "day nanny" opened the door for her and how Hargitay had her "chef" prepare their lunch which was served by the "one of" the maids.
Not saying she isn't entitled but she needs to stop lying.
-------
Hahaha @ Ladies Home Journal. Mariska, how could you????
By the look of things, someone used Soon-Yi's dress for paintball target practice.
.........................................................
Who are you calling silly cow?
Submitted by luvmehateme on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 5:03pm.
You think so, hekki? I gain weight in my midsection first and I have a broad upper body. I feel I look 'heavier' than my bottom heavy friends, even though I wear a smaller size on the bottom than they do, and I weigh less and are taller than they are. I think you can hide a lot with a dress or skirt if you're bottom-heavy. I don't know. Maybe it's a perception issue. *shrugs*
--------
I think you are right about this. My saving grace is that I have always had a small waist and a stomach that stays flatter (lipo!).
My thighs and but are bigger, toned, but bigger and I think It is easier to hide this. I can't work that "hide the stomach" angle...Thank god for flowy maxi skirts.....
------
I have to agree. If you have a small waist, there is a market out there for big asses. Otherwise there is what??? Pregnant lady fetishes??
Tina 's husband is standing on his tippy toes , not that it's helping much.
Btw he is rocking a savage fro !
" Oh my heavens , my photo has vanished ! "
You think so, hekki? I gain weight in my midsection first and I have a broad upper body. I feel I look 'heavier' than my bottom heavy friends, even though I wear a smaller size on the bottom than they do, and I weigh less and are taller than they are. I think you can hide a lot with a dress or skirt if you're bottom-heavy. I don't know. Maybe it's a perception issue. *shrugs*
--------
I think you are right about this. My saving grace is that I have always had a small waist and a stomach that stays flatter (lipo!).
My thighs and but are bigger, toned, but bigger and I think It is easier to hide this. I can't work that "hide the stomach" angle...Thank god for flowy maxi skirts.....
---------------------------------------
"I'll rip your tongue out of your mouth...and lick my balls with it!"
Take the "fucking my father" factor out of it, but I think Soon-Yi is so unfortunate looking. Every time I see her, my eyes just go....no.
Same when I look at Martha Plimpton....no.
---------------------------------------
"I'll rip your tongue out of your mouth...and lick my balls with it!"
The prenup money must be good for her to marry a menopausal moody viagra bitch.
I think I saw Soon Yi's heels at the Atlantic Terminal DSW for forty percent off and the dress at Loehmann's in Chelsea next to a rack of Ed Hardy baby Ts.
The Baldwins much like the Lohans are from Long Island ...nuff said...
Nail me to my car... then I'll tell you who you are...Joe The Lion
What's Woody and his speshul* looking child bride doing there? I cannot imagine Woody and Alec hanging out.
*I know I read somewhere that Soon Yi wasn't right in the head, but I could never find the source again.
************
Mojo_Jojo -- as far as this broad claiming she's 28, I say 28 my ass. She looks about 40 to me.
The reason (most) everyone looks kinda dumpy is because they all know this is gonna last about as long as the other 8 (or however many) Baldwin brother's careers. Why waste your fancy duds on this mess? This marriage is Hilaria-ous. 26 year age difference? Alec is an old fool.
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 3:46pm.
I actually think this is only Alec's second wedding.
Wow, I thought he divorced Kim B way back in the 80s or something. Damn. Why do these assholes even bother getting married is the real question.
Alec resorted to the old trick of changing his hair color after having had some work done on his face. It's supposed to draw attention away from the procedure.
It's a fail on two counts, including the ginger fairy color job.
Lucifer_Sam -- agreed, Soon-Yi is an absolute beast. I don't even think makeup would help, she is extraordinarily ugly. I actually think this is only Alec's second wedding.
Sorry but Soon-Yi is so ugly.
And all the Baldwin brothers except Alec are ugly too.
Is this his 5th marriage or what
swarm-of-locusts -- OMG, wasn't Billy too hot in "Sliver"? Yeah, he appeared to be a little bit slow in the head, but that body, oh, lord, he made my panties tingle.
Green Tea Latte -- OMG, we have the same weakness, blue-eyed hunks with hairy chests. Yep, I suffer from it, too.
RFK couldn't be bothered to get his clothes pressed? How f-ing tacky.
And Karma called, Mr. Kennedy, he is holding on the red line.
Billy Baldwin looks like Sargent Carter from Gomer Pyle, Soon Yi looks like a girl who is seeing plenty of back door action, Tina Fey...shame on you...is that from the sale rack at Chico's? Mariska is depressed because Christopher is gone and Ireland is going to be one hot mess to follow!
Congrats to them! Alec is the hotness minus the chunk. He's now the youngest, freshest and gingerest of all the bros. That must be some *good yoga* Hilaria's giving him!
Bonus points for the eyebrows, hope he also did the thatch below, that's always a nice touch. ;P
Tina and Mariska look lovely!
•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠░░░░
Mariska Hargitay's husband is so damn handsome. Get it, guuurl.
Meh to Alec Baldwin. He's funny as hell on '30 Rock' but he's an abusive douchebag. Best of luck to Hilaria, but if he isn't already raging at her, he will be in no time.
FYI MK - Amsale is a wedding only designer. They did my sister's beautiful dress. She got it for $250 at the Filene's basement bridal sale in Boston back in the day. I'm sure Hills paid a lot more. SUCKER.
Take it from someone who's family is deeply involved with the Kennedys on both side of my family: they are reprehensible dirtbags. I think it says volumes that they can't take Cape Cod - WHERE THEY LIVE - in general MA elections. Horrible. UGH. I will say in all sincerity, that I'm glad some Dlisters benefitted from some of their policies.
"hekki, be glad all the fat doesn't go to your ass and legs....it's easier to hide! :)"
You think so, hekki? I gain weight in my midsection first and I have a broad upper body. I feel I look 'heavier' than my bottom heavy friends, even though I wear a smaller size on the bottom than they do, and I weigh less and are taller than they are. I think you can hide a lot with a dress or skirt if you're bottom-heavy. I don't know. Maybe it's a perception issue. *shrugs*
***************
It hurts because you let your black heart beat for an asshole who can't even send you a "P.S. I'm about to fuck a hole that doesn't belong to you" text before fucking said hole that doesn't belong to you.
hekki, be glad all the fat doesn't go to your ass and legs....it's easier to hide! :)
**********************************************
Cause I don't appreciate, people who don't appreciate
All that loving must've been lacking something
If I got bored trying to figure you out
You let me down, I don't even like you anymore at all
Submitted by undinespragg on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 2:43pm.
Submitted by Dog on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 2:29pm.
Mariska Hargitay used to be so gorgeous. Now that menopause has hit, she's a bloated-looking land whale.
-------
I still think she is. She has never been stick thin. I read in an article that she got a lot of pressure to lose weight because she was a size 8. I think that cut of dress was not the best choice, though.
^^^^^^^^^^^^
She jumped the shark for me when I read an article in Ladies Home Journal (shut up - I was at the salon) where she said she never exercised but then I read in another magazine where she said she runs several miles every day. She also told conflicting stories in one mag about how she doesn't have a staff at home but in another one the reporter said how the "day nanny" opened the door for her and how Hargitay had her "chef" prepare their lunch which was served by the "one of" the maids.
Not saying she isn't entitled but she needs to stop lying.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Lastdiva: I saw those. Gross.
There is so much YUCK going on in these pictures...damn!
And it really sucks that Robert Kennedy Jr. is still around, and is a big asshole, very unlike his father. And I'd so much rather have John John still here than his fugly cousin.
Mariska has looked a little heavier in the torso lately but I thi k she's still gorgeous. The dress she chose is not flattering her figure at all.
And I can relate because I am battling the weight that genetically settles around the midsection of the women in my family after age 40. It sucks.
I'm guessing Soon-Yi is over Woody since she caught him diddling their daughter.
Anyone recall the pics where he was snuggled up to their pubescent daughter while Soon-Yi trailed miserably behind?
=============================
"That's an awfully high horse sir, may I pet him?"
the Baldwins are all hicks. that one in 8 and 9 looks like he had some unfortunate plastic surgery or his face fell or something - isn't that the one married to Chynna Phillips? poor Chynna.
Alec looks better minus those 50 ellbees he's been hauling around for the last 15 years ... don't worry, Hilaria, they'll be back! (and they're gonna bring some friends!)
RFK, Jr. - what a nobody.
Woody Allen and Soon-Yi always gross wherever they turn up
looking good, Mariska
------------------------------------
Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is a walking argument against nepotism.
Submitted by Dog on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 2:29pm.
Mariska Hargitay used to be so gorgeous. Now that menopause has hit, she's a bloated-looking land whale.
-------
I still think she is. She has never been stick thin. I read in an article that she got a lot of pressure to lose weight because she was a size 8. I think that cut of dress was not the best choice, though.
Submitted by SoulTaker on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 2:35pm.
Tina's dress is mega ugly.
-----
I was just coming on here to say that. Ugh. Tina, what were you thinking??
I wish Woody Allen would die already. Soon-Yi is so over it. She is like 50 paces ahead of pedophile woody
+++++++++++++
Or the artist formerly known as SalmaNella
Tina's dress is mega ugly.
@ Loopy --
ooh trust us, you'll need at least 4g storage space if you want to start cataloging Kennedy crimes, charged and uncharged, over the generations
ETA: just because they have made great contributions to the nation -- like Special Olympics -- does not mean that they did not also do a lot political and personal dirt
@ Dog --
i think Hargitay also still has medical problems from the collapsed lung and/or boob job issue from a couple of years ago
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Cowjam: Awww, that's good! There must be some good Kennnedys. As in any family, there are black sheep and nice guys.
They do have a good record of public service. Their personal lives are disasters, though. Maybe the good they do is to atone for their atrocious behavior in private.
I still think Mariska is beautiful. Dog, STOP CONFORMING TO SOCIETY'S STANDARDS OF BEAUTY. DAMMIT.
:)
**********************************************
Cause I don't appreciate, people who don't appreciate
All that loving must've been lacking something
If I got bored trying to figure you out
You let me down, I don't even like you anymore at all
As for Cowjam, my response. In the late 1980s I worked for Sargent Shriver at the Special Olympics International. I saw first hand the dedication from the so called "Kennedy Family" who consisted of Shrivers and their Kennedy cousins.
Special Olympics is a real American treasure. Thank you.
Mariska Hargitay used to be so gorgeous. Now that menopause has hit, she's a bloated-looking land whale.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 2:22pm.
ima need to get my study on lol
wow murderer, rapist, i guess they just have afew more black sheeps in their family than others.
Submitted by swarm-of-locusts on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 2:20pm.
I believe it's because they do not know how to walk properly in those sky-high horse hoof heels they insist on wearing.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 2:18pm
well you remembered the murderer but you forgot the rapist -- Wm Kennedy Smith
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by Hekki on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 1:57pm.
I second everything you said. I know no one under 40 who gives two shits about any Kennedy.
I love Mariska Hargitay (I really think it's because I loved the Jayne Mansfield Story starring Loni Anderson and Arnold Schwarzenegger) and her husband is adorable.
another ? -- anyone know if he gets along with athe rest of the 30 Rock cast? i don't think i've ever seen him in a non-NBC staged photo with anyone other than Fey
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
The Kennedy daughter (?) and the young blonde standing behind Hargitay in #15 look like they're about to fight it out for the role of Quasimodo. So many young girls refuse to stand up straight and they end up looking like paunchy hunchbacks from the side.
**************************************************
Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time."
— Haruki Murakami
Daniel is the Shemp of the Baldwin brothers so it's no surprise his dumbass wasn't there.
http://youtu.be/FU2mn_S0kls
┌_П┐(•_•)┌П┐__
I'm not a living legend. I'm just a myth.