If you drive up to heaven’s gourmet emporium on earth In-N-Out to collect a delicious beef orgasm between two buns and you tell the cashier that you have zero dollars to pay for it, they will let the scent of that Double-Double gently hump your nostrils before they yank that food away and tell your broke ass to lick on some used burger wrappers in the dumpster out back. That shit ain’t a food bank. That’s what should’ve happened to Miley Cyrus’ multi-millionaire ass when she drove up to an In-N-Out drive-thru window in her fancy Mercedes convertible and gave the acting performance of her life by pretending she forgot to bring her credit card. Splash say that the In-N-Out cashier fell for Miley’s hillbilly swindle and just gave her the food for free. THE INJUSTICE OF IT ALL. So if you want a complimentary Double-Double just follow these 2 easy steps:
1. Be Miley Cyrus.
2. Pretend like you can’t pay for it even though you’ve got a $100,000 diamond ring on your finger and are driving a car that costs more than 30,000 Double-Doubles.
This HIGHLY important news story is HIGHLY important to us slaves of the Double-Double, because the next time I want to some In-N-Out deliciousness for free, I’m going to show them this post. The cashier will probably tell me that he’d give it to me for free if I came out of Tish Cyrus’ cooter hole and can call Billy Ray Cyrus my “pappy.” He’d have a point. Because I’d rather pay for my own Double-Double than go through life having Billy Ray Cyrus stare at my chest while I sun by the concrete pond out back.
The worst part is that hillbilly chipmunks shouldn’t even eat cheeseburgers. I hate her and I hope there was a used condom in that Double-Double.