Woe Is Johnny Depp
Lainey at Lainey Gossip read and covered UsWeekly's cover story about the tragic demise of VaJohnny, and you'll believe all of it if you believe that Vanessa Paradis nagged at Johnny Depp so much that he finally walked the plank of their marriage and dove face-first into a sea of snatch. Vanessa whine cried at Johnny about living on a private island with just the kids, so he drowned his sorrows in his publicist's chocha. Vanessa whine cried at Johnny about wanting to move to Los Angeles, so he drowned his sorrows in Amber Heard's twat. It was kind of like a drinking game. Every time Vanessa bitched about something, Johnny did a shot of punane. Lainey broke UsWeekly's mess of a story down like this:
-V wanted to break up 2 years ago because she was unhappy
-V complained all the time about their low key lifestyle. She didn’t want to stay on a private island and quietly raise their babies. She was bored and restless.
-V was the one who wanted to move to LA and that’s when it all unravelled.
-V was the one who insisted that he make big budget Disney movies because she loved the money. Johnny wasn’t interested but only did them for her.
(Please tell me you’re shaking your head and rolling your eyes now.)
-When those movies became big ass deals, V then resented J for his success.Says an Us Weekly source:
“Nothing Johnny did was ever good enough for Vanessa. When he was working, she wasn’t happy. And when he wasn’t working, he was called a slob for not doing enough for the kids and her family.”
Frustrated and in pain, the only outlet Johnny had was other woman - someone who played a mermaid in Pirates, maybe Eva Green, Amber Heard, his publicist...
That shit reads like it was taken directly from his publicist's strategy book marked "How To Spin It So JD Doesn't Look Like He's Crashing Directly Into A Mid-Life Crises." UsWeekly forgot to include the one where Vanessa tried to kill all of Johnny's hotness by sucking his sense of style through the portal of doom between her front teefs. Seriously, if Vanessa whined at him about everything, couldn't she have whined at him about dressing like what it would look like if a witch turned a Sedona souvenir shop into a human?
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UBF! Oh my! Where you been? You said you were getting a ****job and then we never heard from you again so I was WORRIED you'd got the Michael Jackson.
Thank God for some sanity. Saying Voight sexually abused his daughter without hard proof is a pretty f*cky shit thing to do. Absurd! That, and talking shit about innocent kids should be off-limits.
*drives by in Jon Voigt`s car and waves*
Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 3:07pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 3:04pm.
Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:11pm.
Oh yes, it's always "tge" woman's fault ...
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Freudian Slip? ;p
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA holy shit
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by skinny fat on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:31pm.
Jon Voight is not a pedo and he didn't do anything to St. Angie Ho except dump her mother. It was HER MOTHER to let the boyfriend move in when she was 14 and seems mom couldn't have been all that great a mom since St. Angie Ho went onto to cutting, heavy drug use, lotsa sex, and turned into a cunt.
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^THIS^
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"If I can't be my own, i'd feel better dead"- Nutshell
Lucy - the may still love eachother but are no longer IN love, hence splitting.
My friend saw Depp up close and personal recently and was so disappointed. Skinny and naaaasty looking.
Take the kids, the millions and run I say.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 3:04pm.
Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:11pm.
Oh yes, it's always "tge" woman's fault ...
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Freudian Slip? ;p
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
JEN'S SEXY VACATION THOUGH
Didn't he give an interview like a month ago where he was gushing about how much they love each other? I fucking hate lying celebrities, especially the Jolies.
Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:11pm.
Oh yes, it's always tge woman's fault if the man can't keep his wang in his pants. Let's blame her!
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The Gospel.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 3:01pm.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:56pm.
keep proving your youth, honey. see you in OP
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Whamo - I am surpressing my Deppaloonieness to defend him.
I don't want to go all Brangaloonie like on my fellow dlisters.
And I think there is some truth behind the drug claims, and possible cheating, but as far as I am aware all these accusations (in the rags) and this article are gossip shit made up by Us Weekly, the Enquireer, etc. I have heard nothing from either side's camp.
Submitted by suckandfuck on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 1:43pm.
woo Jennifer's sexy vacation! There goes my girl JENNY A! Don't be fooled by the rock she just got, she's still Jenny riding that COCK! And the haters keep hatin y'all! What do YOU ride? A shitty Mazda from the 80s to go pick up your unemployment check??! Haha! I am laughing so hard in front of my computer right now because my girl Jenn does nothing but keep winning and brushing off all the putrid hate that her haters try to swing her way!! Now she's got a sexy man in her life and is out and about showing him off to the world! What do you show off? Your bunyan that you got from rock climbing like some dumb dyke in the desert? Hahahah I would freakin DIE if I had your life! I'm just saying! Haha later haters!!!
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Ahahahahaha!
SUCKY RULES !
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 3:00pm.
I do think he'd piss as dirty as a Pete Doherty on a Monday morning piss test.
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Eeeew!
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"If I can't be my own, i'd feel better dead"- Nutshell
He did The Tourist with Angelina Jolie. Was that for the kids, too?
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:56pm.
Lisbet459, YOU do not manage my time, young lady. i will do what i say i'm going to do when i say i'm going to do it. if you are around when i put up something upon which i have formed my OPINION about this, feel free to chime in.
like i said, i'll follow up on this when i have time to google around for articles and video rather than just popping into an open window and making a quick comment on the fly like i'm doing now. have a good day.
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Oh, get off your high horse. This isn't about time management. You talked about how you were convinced that Jon Voigt molested his daughter. Something that awful calls for evidence.
It's not like saying that, for instance, you think some actor is a cheater. Abuse and incest and the like are different. If you don't have the time to get some sources for this, then you don't have the time to post that.
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:49pm.
I refuse to believe Johnny is a douche.
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I think believe it or not, once and I mean ONLY once in a while guys CAN sometimes if provoked and on RARE occasions (while no one's watching) perhaps maybe can sort of be just a tiny little bit of a douche bag when they want to be:P
I don't HATE on Johnny but I do think he'd piss as dirty as a Pete Doherty on a Monday morning piss test.
Maybe he was sick and tired of getting his foreskin caught in the massvie gap in her maw whenever (if ever) he got a hummer, I'm just saying..you know.... don't shoot the messanger ladies:P
I don't know but i do believe this, i mean, V does looks like a big annoying bitch. However, i don't believe that johnny is an angel either, and that this is no reason to cheat on someone, if you're not happy in a relationship, END IT! Don't cheat you dumb asshole! >:|
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"If I can't be my own, i'd feel better dead"- Nutshell
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:39pm.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:28pm.
Lisbet459, YOU do not manage my time, young lady. i will do what i say i'm going to do when i say i'm going to do it. if you are around when i put up something upon which i have formed my OPINION about this, feel free to chime in.
like i said, i'll follow up on this when i have time to google around for articles and video rather than just popping into an open window and making a quick comment on the fly like i'm doing now. have a good day.
ETA: and you most certainly are not my moral barometer so you just save that bullshit
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
It's hard to believe anything Lyin' Lainey has to say, she take bits of other people's information and doesn't seem to know when to stop spinning it.
blah blah blah
M.E. OMG patchouli makes me so sick!!!!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
OT - Ok, so you know how my office is supposed to be "Scent Free" as of January?
Why the fuck should I comply when the big boss comes in covered in patchouli?
*dry heaves*
Yeah, you called it, MK. Johnnie Boi is just full on mid life breakdown....and it's no joke when the menz you married turns around and does a 180 -- especially when its a narcissist, like most actors are. Rarely does throwing away one's family turn out to be a beneficial move, by any measure. Fuck Johnny Depp.
My vision of world peace: a chicken in every pot, and pot for all us chickens...and weasels.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:23pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:20pm.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:04pm.
*stands next to you wearing "Igor" name tag*
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Foxxy Igor;) :P
I refuse to believe Johnny is a douche.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:28pm.
i'm half ass trying to work right now but if i catch u in OP later i'll try to find some links to stories suggesting that he was physically and sexually abusive to her. she says the type of stuff about him that suggests to me that he abused her, and he definitely says creepy abuser like shit about her. the hate-hate relationship they have seems to back up the rumors, imo
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Nah, not buying it. Not because I'm any big fan of anyone in that family (what's this with AJ and "the boyfriend", anyway?) but because you can't say that about people without providing some evidence. As in, *now*. Not in the OP. Maybe. If you catch ME. And have the time.
This isn't idly wondering about something like who's cheating, or who's really gay, or whatever. It's completely different - morally, at least.
They had some good years together and now it's over. Let's just move the fuck on.
Jon Voight is not a pedo and he didn't do anything to St. Angie Ho except dump her mother. It was HER MOTHER to let the boyfriend move in when she was 14 and seems mom couldn't have been all that great a mom since St. Angie Ho went onto to cutting, heavy drug use, lotsa sex, and turned into a cunt.
Lainey "read and covered UsWeekly's cover story" lol, that's about the extent of it, very gentle MK, haha. I don't buy all the affairs with Amber and the publicist. These two grew apart, he's working more and having a mid-life crisis. I've always liked them but I doubt Van wanted any part of this new skunky life. She probably gave him his walking papers until he scrubs the the dranky b.o. off. Who knows if he'll clean up... but I bet she would take him back if he did! ;)
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠░░░░
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:24pm
i'm half ass trying to work right now but if i catch u in OP later i'll try to find some links to stories suggesting that he was physically and sexually abusive to her. she says the type of stuff about him that suggests to me that he abused her, and he definitely says creepy abuser like shit about her. the hate-hate relationship they have seems to back up the rumors, imo
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Foxxy - really? Is Voight a pedo? I don't recall hearing anything about that.
But I also do not pay attention to Voight.
She's probably like Michelle Pfeiffer in Scarface. Waking up in the afternoon and doing coke all day...
That's probably why he needed to shield his children away from that monster.
And anyways, if you have a chance at some Amber Heard cooze, you have to take it. V. should be more understanding about that.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:20pm.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:04pm.
*stands next to you wearing "Igor" name tag*
:-D
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by harperharper on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:10pm.
Heroin=no interest in sexy times
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Exactly.
My first thought while reading the US Weekly piece (apart from a vague worry about my blood pressure) was that his philandering must be such public knowledge that he can't deny it. He has to make pathetic excuses.
But then it seemed to be trying waywayway too hard to present him as a ladie's man. He's 50! And Amber Heard is just kuh-RAY-zee about him! Ain't he a virile stud of epic proportions!?
If this is the best that they can do, then my thoughts immediately go to drugs. In normal circumstances, Robin Baum's first step would have been to slap down the rumours that she's doing her client. (Unless she's an idiot, or thinks she'll be the next LTR - but I repeat myself.)
Unless she's trying to hide *other* things. And humiliate Vanessa and his children. But that's irrelevent to them.
Man alive, this pisses me off. I've gone from a vague dislike of an ageing, stagnant actor to full on disliking him and vowing to never see any more of his films. Except Dead Man. That's awesome.
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:16pm.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:10pm.
i'm firmly convinced Voight abused her whenever he could too. agreement on your concluding point
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:04pm.
Dr. Whamo Von Frankenstein, how many monsters have you created?! lmfao
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Apparently quite a few now...LMAO!!
*waits for lightning, throws massive switch on wall, lights up the D*
He's a douchebag. An overrated, overpaid mid-life crisis douchebag. He isn't good looking and he isn't all that as an actor either. Having people trash the mother of his children for him so he can look better is despicable. Douche.
Hekki- I like your theory about Angie Jo and the yam-yam. She's a one-woman wrecking crew.
Why do I think the source for this story was someone named Dohnny Jepp?
I've always given Johnny a lot of credit for keeping his family life private, so I can't believe he's using his contacts at US magazine to trash his wife. WTF?! What is wrong with him? Then earlier this year he announced their break-up via People. He's such a dick!
Time for Vanessa to call Joe le Taxi ahhahahaha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJrHSfDSm34
Coma Caca!
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Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:10pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:06pm
give her more credit than that, M.E. among other things, i believe there is a story about teenage seduction of her mom's boyfriend...
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Her mom seemed to have no bounderies. The knives, the letting a boyfriend (of Angies) move in at what? 14? Whatever sexual abuse that may have happened all contribute to Angie Ho's fucked head. But even victims of sexual abuse can have the sense to not fuck on married men.
Dumb cunt probably never even cooked him a meal.
Oh yes, it's always tge woman's fault if the man can't keep his wang in his pants. Let's blame her!
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
I don't go on many sexy vacations. They just tend to be...vacations.
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Dark-sided!
Heroin=no interest in sexy times
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:06pm
give her more credit than that, M.E. among other things, i believe there is a story about teenage seduction of her mom's boyfriend...
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Hekki - I had no clue until the recent pic of Vanessa and their daughter was put on the web. No clue what their son Jack looks like.
M.E.: exactly right about the kids. I have no idea what their kids look like. As it should be.
Angie Ho, ruining relationships since 2000