Woe Is Johnny Depp
Lainey at Lainey Gossip read and covered UsWeekly's cover story about the tragic demise of VaJohnny, and you'll believe all of it if you believe that Vanessa Paradis nagged at Johnny Depp so much that he finally walked the plank of their marriage and dove face-first into a sea of snatch. Vanessa whine cried at Johnny about living on a private island with just the kids, so he drowned his sorrows in his publicist's chocha. Vanessa whine cried at Johnny about wanting to move to Los Angeles, so he drowned his sorrows in Amber Heard's twat. It was kind of like a drinking game. Every time Vanessa bitched about something, Johnny did a shot of punane. Lainey broke UsWeekly's mess of a story down like this:
-V wanted to break up 2 years ago because she was unhappy
-V complained all the time about their low key lifestyle. She didn’t want to stay on a private island and quietly raise their babies. She was bored and restless.
-V was the one who wanted to move to LA and that’s when it all unravelled.
-V was the one who insisted that he make big budget Disney movies because she loved the money. Johnny wasn’t interested but only did them for her.
(Please tell me you’re shaking your head and rolling your eyes now.)
-When those movies became big ass deals, V then resented J for his success.Says an Us Weekly source:
“Nothing Johnny did was ever good enough for Vanessa. When he was working, she wasn’t happy. And when he wasn’t working, he was called a slob for not doing enough for the kids and her family.”
Frustrated and in pain, the only outlet Johnny had was other woman - someone who played a mermaid in Pirates, maybe Eva Green, Amber Heard, his publicist...
That shit reads like it was taken directly from his publicist's strategy book marked "How To Spin It So JD Doesn't Look Like He's Crashing Directly Into A Mid-Life Crises." UsWeekly forgot to include the one where Vanessa tried to kill all of Johnny's hotness by sucking his sense of style through the portal of doom between her front teefs. Seriously, if Vanessa whined at him about everything, couldn't she have whined at him about dressing like what it would look like if a witch turned a Sedona souvenir shop into a human?
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Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 06/28/2012 - 9:36am.
Ya my brain must have been fried and now that you mention it Bat blood IS my drink of choice:P
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Wham, you must tell me your secret... I've had too many LATE NIGHTS lately, brain is definitely crying for help, but who wastes time on sleep these days, right? ahahahaha Probably been having too much coffee too late in the day! W-I-R-E-D! So bat blood works for you, eh? lmao ☺☺
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Wht the fuck is wrong with that frog? doesnt wnt to be on a private island with JD??!! I would totally have fun with that shit, Id dress him up like Jack Sparrow and play out that scene where him and that skinny Swan bitch drink all that rum and get shitfaced.
C is for Fuck You
QueenieBK, I hope you and your husband get through the bad patch soon. My husband and I have been married 15 years. We had some issues with others outside our marriage for the first seven years. I finally told him some things and he cut that person off. Things have been so much better for us ever since. We have always gotten along, we do argue as anyone in a relationship will, but we have a good marriage.
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What in the praying mantis crackhooker hell is this?! - MK 9/09
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 8:48pm.
Can't judge in any way. I've been married ten years now and I love my husband and my kid but um...what can I say, marriage can be boring. That's all. I love the relationship and stability I have but I miss the excitement of straight up HO SEX. I'm totally faithful to my husband but if I could have a freebie here and there without hurting anyone or getting caught, I SO would. That's the sad troof.
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Co-sign. Unfortunately my old man and I have hit a pretty bad patch, and HO SEX is EVER SO TEMPTING, and it's really hard sometimes to be good ... le sigh.
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
Wow. I am finally caught up on all the comments. From what I just read after a quick search, Angie hates her Dad for the shit he has said about her in the media. I did come across a site that where some dude named Andrew Morton claims that Angie's Mom "abandoned" her when she was a baby after Angie's Mom and Voight divorced.
http://www.celebitchy.com/109451/was_angelina_jolie_abandoned_by_her_mot...
Here is are two sites that claims Voight may have molested her. The second one looks like a Wikipedia type site and we all know how factual Wikipedia is.
http://www.conspirazzi.com/was-angelina-jolie-molested/
http://mirror.uncyc.org/wiki/Jon_Voight
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What in the praying mantis crackhooker hell is this?! - MK 9/09
Submitted by WithinReason... on Thu, 06/28/2012 - 12:59am.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 06/28/2012 - 12:49am.
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Whammy, you replying to yourself now?
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I just saw what I did lol, Ya my brain must have been fried and now that you mention it Bat blood IS my drink of choice:P
I remember reading that his sister /sisters were somehow involved In his career. Wonder whatever happened to that?
The thing is Depp actually signed off on this article. Us Weekly is owned by Jann Wenner who is a really close friend of Johnny's. Not only is Johnny a douche for putting this out there, he clearly wants to become a tabloid star, because in the end, let's face it, the last decade of his career prove he's a massive fucking sellout to the Hollywood industrial complex and not this quirky artist that he and many delusional women still see him as.
He could have easily avoided any covers and done this all on page 49 if he had wanted it that way. He probably sees how much mileage BRAND-gelina and Aniston have gotten out of it and thought, fuck I need to stay relevant and I need to fuck over the mother of my child so the ladies in Middle America will still go and see the Disney Shit I want to keep selling them. He better not be staging any photo-ops with orphans. This article proves he's a fucking massive, desperate bitch at this point so it won't surprise me if he does.
V. Paradis and B. Harper, Waiting On An Angel:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_-siNEh3YQ&feature=related
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 06/28/2012 - 12:49am.
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Whammy, you replying to yourself now? ololol You're like me every morning! Ya, too little sleep dries out the brain! You keep sharp though, how do you do it? You drinking bat blood or something? ;)
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 11:27pm.
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:) :P
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 8:32pm.
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How are ya Wham? Don't mind me... it only takes a few tries... *muah*
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It's weird, I've been getting 4 hours sleep on weekdays for the last few weeks and surprisingly I haven't really been that tierRRrrerFrrFhhfd aswwt wooooxorofrrKkkkkkkkkkkkKkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Zorba-the-Geek, Amber is one of the few girls I'd go full scissor sister for! She is gorgeous! hehheeeehhe ☺≈❀
#noshame
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Kinda funny note, Amber Heard broke up with her girlfriend, who looks a little like Johnny Depp in a dress (though hotter, IMO):
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2165742/Amber-Heard-splits-...
I can believe Amber fucked on Johnny just to move up the corporate ladder, so to speak. She's a gorgeous girl but looks so damn hungry for fame.
@Whamo, thanks for the support, lol. Makes me feel a wee better about being a repressed slut.
Always knew Johnny and Vanessa were fucking shady when, a few years ago, their daughter was rushed to hospital in London for some *mysterious* and very serious health emergency. Words like "e.coli" were mumbled around in the press, but there was always the more sinister under-rumblings that she'd accidentally found her parents' stash.
I don't think Jon Voight was even in Ange's childhood long enough to molest her.
She probably nagged him to death about showering. Some women don't mind week-old musk, and he found them.
Gross.
They're both probably insufferable assholes.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 8:32pm.
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Finalement, la réaction! lmao I know, it's the phone's fault! hahahah ;) How are ya Wham? Don't mind me... it only takes a few tries... *muah*
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Oh, how sad for the stuck up V. I can't see that this is a one sided break up. Both were probably unhappy. It happens. All the time. V looks like she could be a bitch on wheels. JD seems to get bored easily, and trashed on her saying she bored him, and now she is saying she is bored. All that money, and people are still miserable and bored. Dam.
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 8:48pm.
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I love your frank honesty ZTG and if more people were as honest as you've been there would be a lot of hobaggin going on in private. Lol ;)
Can't judge in any way. I've been married ten years now and I love my husband and my kid but um...what can I say, marriage can be boring. That's all. I love the relationship and stability I have but I miss the excitement of straight up HO SEX. I'm totally faithful to my husband but if I could have a freebie here and there without hurting anyone or getting caught, I SO would. That's the sad troof.
So if Johnny and Vanessa are getting themselves some strange, I say go for it, hos. However, it's shitty of him to use his publicists to drag her through the mud. Hat-addicted junkie douchebag.
Submitted by Mani6 on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 7:58pm.
It's all Angies fault.
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It's always Angie's fault!! Lol!
Step one, blame Angie work back from there!
Step two, blame Angie yet again!
Step three, repeat steps one and two :/P
Submitted by Mel-Tang on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 4:58pm.
Johnny has said for years that he hated America, but didn't seem to ever mind collecting American money for his films. He also said SHE was the one who wanted to live in France, because they didn't want to ever raise their children in the United States.
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Yes. Christ, that was annoying. I'd always liked Depp (pre-scuzzbucket stage) but I can't with his sanctimony. He's about as tolerable as Goopy and Marion Cotillard, with her 9/11 and moon landing conspiracy theories. STFU and act....no one's paying you to run your mouth and be a douchebag.
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"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."
- Yogi Berra
Submitted by skinny fat on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 7:52pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 6:54pm.
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*sends Whamo a hug and drink of choice
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((((((skinny fat)))))
*raises drink, grabs bottle of red, slides chair over pats on seat...of chair* :P
Hello REASON my dear:) :) :) :P
Whamo, they been keeping you busy today! Hellooooooooooooooooooooo?! Don't worry, I'll wave again later after you miss this! ololollol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by mefunigirl on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 5:53pm.
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Well said! ITA!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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It's all Angies fault.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 6:54pm.
Submitted by skinny fat on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 5:17pm.
Just my opinion but if I read or heard ANYWHERE that someone was accusing me of pedophilia I'd be ENRAGED.
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I totally agree and that's a different issue because now that would actually effect you or people that know you, I'd be the first in line to defend you for sure. I mentioned that issue earlier lol.
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*sends Whamo a hug and drink of choice
Submitted by skinny fat on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 5:17pm.
Just my opinion but if I read or heard ANYWHERE that someone was accusing me of pedophilia I'd be ENRAGED.
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I totally agree and that's a different issue because now that would actually effect you or people that know you, I'd be the first in line to defend you for sure. I mentioned that issue earlier lol.
I don't think this is anything but two people who have been together for a long time and each one of them re-evaluating wth they want out of life.
It happens.
I commend them for keeping their kids out of the limelight, they also don't appear to be people who live their lives for the press so I'm not going to start believing any of the crap the press is saying they "said" now. It's all speculation for the dramassss and sales.
That being said, call me JD *puts imaginary phone to head*
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
I think Depp fell back into his more hardcore old habits while filming with Angie. He wanted back in The States to hang with old drug buddies, like Angie, and Vanessa wasn't into it so they started having problems a few years ago. He doesn't want to damage his brand so he's using Jolie-Pitt tabloid contacts to feed info while having his real shit covered up. He gives the gossip rags stuff on his relationship/s with a few photo-ops and they don't print stories on his partying. None of the lower level paps are going to out him because they're trying to move up from 18 hr duty following Crackhead Lindsay around to snapping at red carpet events for celebrity mags. In the coming weeks we will hear about Johnny's heartache over missing his children and how he's been comforting himself on the bosom of former lesbian, Amber Heard. Personally, I think Amber's just cover for the seriously scandalous shit he's really been getting up to with Manson.
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Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time."
— Haruki Murakami
Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 5:19pm.
oh, well... i forgot about the French influence!!... in that case, they'll both just surrender the island to the first person who asks for their lunch money!... i'm kidding, French folks!.. HA!
hi, Bendy!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 4:43pm.
"Innocent until proven guilty" is a LEGAL term. It is meant to be applied to the court system, not public opinion. It does not mean that no private citizen can say to another "I believe X beats their kids" unless they can prove it.
People are allowed to speculate and have opinions about someone's guilt.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
My, my...I actually had to work today (seriously, most of the time my job is B-O-R-I-N-G) & I missed all of the crankypants fighting! Is something in the water today? Or are we all synched up on our cycles already?
:)
On topic:
As someone who has been with the same person for at least a decade - it's pretty easy to grow bored with one another. Especially if one partner is constantly away on business. You just get used to being alone and doing things your way. When you're back together, it can cause a strain (i.e. "JFC, how many times do I have to tell you that the toilet paper is put on the holder so you pull from the top, NOT the bottom...ARGH!"). Add kids to the mix & I'm surprised they lasted this long.
/my $.02
Submitted by Sweetas on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 5:10pm.
Are you guys still arguing down here?? Don't make me call Judge Judy.
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no, just having a difference of opinion.
Submitted by Bigbendy on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 5:21pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 5:12pm.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Whamo, are you a middle child? You are a great mediator. ;-)
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The youngest kid, and being the youngest you learn to mediate fast or it's YOU eating that's eating that bug.
Ok NOW I have to really go.
Submitted by kissingassandcu... on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 4:56pm.
Whamo-
have been on H. I personally haven't so I can't tell. But the weird thing is that in the tourist he looked all puffy ( instead of the sunken cheeks) - what do you think was up with that?
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Sorry one last thing to answer your question.
When people are on methadone the tend to get bloated, maybe he was on meth because he was going to be away from his supply??
Again I don't know for sure, it's pure speculation.
I'm out of here..
I don't mean to be a dick and I apologize if I've come across like that.
I'm just an advocate of free speech,
Free speech is easy when it's something you want to hear, it's when you don't want to hear it those beliefs are truly tested.
The title should be "Johnny's Broken Dick" from all the punanny he's been banging out in Hollywood. You know it's prolly about to fall off.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 5:12pm.
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Whamo, are you a middle child? You are a great mediator. ;-)
ESE, you think? But don't forget the French influence here, they fight... make love... they fight.... make love.... eat pate... they fight... you know the drill HAHAHAHHAHAHA ;) *sighs over the island*
*no offense to the French, of course*
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Just my opinion but if I read or heard ANYWHERE that someone was accusing me of pedophilia I'd be ENRAGED. There is nothing worse to be accused of than child molestation. When serial pedo Jerry Sandusky's fat ass got taken to prison he was seranaded all night long by his fellow prisoners singing that Pink Floyd line "TEACHER, LEAVE THOSE KIDS ALONE" all night long.
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 3:04pm.
Whamo - I am surpressing my Deppaloonieness to defend him. ...
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LOL, I actually LIKE Johnny I just think the Dude's on the program that's all!
Like someone said it could EASYLY be oxy's
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 5:06pm.
Hey ESE, good to see your smiling face and voice of reason. We need some humor around here dude. ;-)
Are you guys still arguing down here?? Don't make me call Judge Judy.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 5:04pm.
Wonder how they'll split time for the kids if they're living in different countries.?
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i wonder how they'll split the island!... must be some hand grenade kinda workmanship... heehee!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Wonder how they'll split time for the kids if they're living in different countries.?
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠░░░░
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 4:43pm.
Submitted by kissingassandcu... on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 3:59pm.
Holy missing the point, Batman!
Innocent until proven guilty. If your standard of proof is someone saying something on the internet, then pretty much anyone "might be a child molester".
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Come on, this is a celeb bashing site, no one's reputation is going to be ruined if someone here throws some shit out there. No one needs to prove anything to anyone unless it's the person that is being accused OR if that person were in a position that what someone said here effected them. If you called one us a Child diddler that would be different because there is a direct cause and effect.
Calling someone anything here does nothing to their career and effects them in NO WAY. If it's a matter of decency perhaps that's a different issue. Why do you need proof anyway, because it offends you? Is that the way it going to be, we need proof least we offend someone?
This doesn't offend me but perhaps something else will, do I then have a right to demand proof about that? Who gets to call who, when and what doesn't offend whomever?
Demanding someone give YOU proof sorry and again with all due respect and for the sake of this debate I really do mean that...but who are YOU and why YOU specifically?
Anyway I have to fly but as the late Rodney King once said...can't we all just get along?
Submitted by skinny fat on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 5:02pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 4:54pm.
Submitted by Lutrelle on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 4:04pm.
WHAT'S GOOD??
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Bath Salts. Try some.
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Best make sure you ain't in the way M.E. or you gets your face eaten off
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LMAO!
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 4:54pm.
Submitted by Lutrelle on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 4:04pm.
WHAT'S GOOD??
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Bath Salts. Try some.
*****
Best make sure you ain't in the way M.E. or you gets your face eaten off.