Wednesday, June 27th 2012

This Is Supposed To Be Paula Deen's Body Today

Ever since Paula Deen made the Land O'Lakes girl reach for the noose when she announced that she's got Type 2 Diabetes, she's been eating healthier and has traded her usual lunch of deep fried cake and bacon sandwiches for salad and baked fish. The Parkay tub's former nemesis tells People that not swallowing an entire Domino sugar factory every day has melted 30 pounds from her body in six months. Paula is still losing the chunk and says that soon the mound of white Ursula hair on her head will weigh more than her body. Paula owes her new size 10 body to slowly making changes in her diet, not eating all the deep fried deliciousness she makes, Photoshop and People Magazine waving a check at her.

"I do think differently now. I'm more aware. It took me a couple of years to get to this point. If you make a few small changes, they can add up to big results."

Seeing a skinnier Paula Deen is as weird as seeing Kim Kardashian without a black peen in her mouth. But I'm happy for Paula that she's eating healthier shit and yes, I typed that with one hand while sucking chocolate pudding out of a sugar cone with the other.

Also, if you switched Katy Perry and Paula's faces, that cover would look exactly the same. Their faces were harvested from the same place! Also also, are those shoes on Paula's feed made of breadsticks, cheese and better. I guess if you can't eat 'em, wear 'em.

Posted by: Michael K


MissJaneTexas's picture

30 lbs to look like that? Yeah, IN YOUR BRA.

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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012

ISprainedMyUvula's picture

I can smell her girdle and four layers of Spanx from here.

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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma

Daniee's picture

I just hate when people go on magazine covers to proclaim weight loss and new bikini body and all that shit.
But I do love that woman's hair! All that butter must be good for something I suppose!

jack-n-the-hat's picture

DLISTERS PLEASE TAKE NOTE!!! FOR YOUR HEALTH!!

*sells shares of stock in Twinkies*
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers

bitch please. that cow doesn't look like that, Y'ALL. i can't stand her and the stuff she makes looks like crap.