Natalie Morales Is Quitting That Bitch

June 27, 2012 / Posted by:

Because I won’t stop posting HIGHLY interesting gossip about the co-hosts of the fucking Today show until I totally reach the “midnight snack at 8″ demographic, here’s some more HIGHLY interesting gossip about the co-hosts of Today. In my sorta defense, it’s summertimes, it’s kind of slow, there’s not much going on and it was either this or a video about a horrific wall of Teddy Ruxpins. (That’s next.)

Either this week or early next, Ann Curry will jump down the inflatable escape slide while flipping off all those bitches who did her wrong. The producers of Today are preparing Savannah Guthrie for the co-host job by spraying her down with douche repellent so Matt Lauer doesn’t try to grope her while they’re sitting next to each other. Savannah was picked over Natalie Morales and Page Six says that has Natalie pissing shit. Natalie was mad when the producers chose Ann Curry over her and now she’s really mad that they’ve screwed her over again by going with Savannah. Sources tell Page Six that Natalie could follow Ann Curry down that inflatable escape slide, because she’s sick of getting shafted by the producers. Speaking of getting shafted…

The National Enquirer says that the reason why the producers didn’t offer the job to Natalie Morales is because Matt Lauer’s wife Annette threatened to stab their marriage in the heart if that happened. Annette knows all about the rumors that Matt passed his peen to Natalie and she doesn’t want them to get any closer than they already are. A source put it like this:

“When she heard about Ann getting the boot, the first thing Annette told Matt was that she didn’t want him cozying up any closer to Natalie. In fact, Annette drew a line in the sand and said if he pushed show bosses to make Natalie his new co-host, she’d divorce him! Annette knows Matt is the key to the ‘Today’ franchise and his bosses will put whoever he wants in the co-host chair.

I heard that Matt had an extramarital affair with gorgeous Natalie, and he’s the father of one of her kids. Everyone’s buzzing that the boy looks just like him.”

When I look at Natalie’s son, I don’t have the sudden urge to launch the word “glib” from my tongue, so I doubt he’s half Lauer.

NBC shouldn’t stop at firing Ann. They should fire everybody and redo the entire show. They should stick a hidden camera in Matt Lauer’s crotch bush and show 4 hours of the adventures of his wandering peen, because that shit sounds more interesting than anything on Today. Kathie Lee Gifford can narrate it from the bottom of her wine closet.

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