What A Natural Kiss Between Two Heterosexuals In Love

June 26, 2012 / Posted by:

“Hand me the foreskin sweat-flavored lip gloss. Johnny has to do this shit with FEELING!” is probably the line Kelly Preston spit at her Scientology-appointed handler in the limo minutes before she did this with John Travolta on the red carpet at the L.A. premiere of his movie Savages last night. John and Kelly tried to make the public forget about all the tales of his tingling, man-hungry Scientolohole by putting on a good-old fashioned, manufactured public display of ewwwffection show in front of the cameras. It didn’t work. This is about as natural as the beaver’s ass on John’s head.

Just yesterday, yet another dude dropped a sexual harassment lawsuit on John Travolta’s gitchi gitchi ya ya anus, so I understand why John and Kelly’s publicist choreographed this stunt, but they should’ve rehearsed more. These pictures are where awkward goes to feel more awkward. John is trying to use his Scientology training to imagine Kelly Preston’s lips as a succulent, twitchy man hole and she knows this, which is why her eye is saying “Please tell me this is almost over….” to the photographer.

Hugh Jackman and his wife Deborra-Lee Furness need to teach a class at the Learning Annex on How To Successfully Shoot Down The Gay Rumors with Some Public Beard Love, because those two know how to do it without overdoing it.

On a positive note, at least this gives Tommy Girl and the boys at the Scientology bath house something to giggle about as they do themselves in the butt with e-meter cans.

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