Savannah Guthrie Will Replace Ann Curry

June 26, 2012 / Posted by:

It’s not going to be Hoda Kotb or Meredith V or my personal choice Willard Scott. Savannah Guthrie will sit on the co-anchor chair that will have a revenge fart from Ann Curry on it. Savannah’s the one all the way to the right who’s giving that dried green paint some competition in the no personality contest.

TMZ says that Savannah’s deal to be Today’s new co-host is signed, sealed and awaiting delivery. Today isn’t announcing her as the new co-host until they wrap shit up with Ann Curry. Ann has two years left on her $30 million 3-year contract and she wants the full $20 million to go away. NBC has offered her $10 million and a job as a foreign correspondent for NBC News, but Ann is shaking her head no to that shit deal. Ann is fucking done professionally with NBC and wants to leave the network for good. Ann wants her $20 million and nothing else.

Ann needs to put her hands around that NBC peacock’s betraying bitch of a neck and not let go until that whore coughs up all $20 million. I had this customer service job once and one of my co-workers got fired for being a bitch to the customers. Did I mention that I loved her so? Well, when they pink-slipped her ass they told her she needed to come back the next day to sign some exit papers and pick up her last check. This bitch refused to sashay out the exit door until they put her last check in her hands. She sat on her chair, hugged her pocketbook and quietly talked shit to herself about her supervisors and the job. I played Mimi’sHero” on a loop on my computer speakers. The bosses eventually gave in and gave her the check. That’s what Ann needs to do. Sit in her chair and tell those bitches her legs aren’t going to work until they drop $20 million into her checking account.

And about Savannah as the new co-host…. I was hoping if it wasn’t going to be Hoda or Tamron Hall, it would be Natalie Morales. But I guess that would be awkward, because when I Googled “Natalie Morales Matt Lauer” this came up:

But then again, when I Googled “Savannah Guthrie Matt Lauer” this came up:

And “Ann Curry Matt Lauer“:

And this (no, that is definitely not sloppily ‘Shopped to shit, shut up):

So I guess if NBC wanted a co-host who hasn’t been winked at by Matt Lauer’s peen, there only option would be Al Roker. I think.

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