OctoMom’s Got A Man

There really is someone out there for everyone even if that everyone is five hundred layers of insane, has 14 screaming kids at home, is freshly bankrupt, has lips like stale gummy worms and wears pigtails out in public. (Nothing is more tragic than a grown ass woman wearing pigtails and not in a “role playing as a slutty schoolgirl” kind of way. Okay, even that is tragic.) TMZ just happened to be at LAX yesterday when the bombshell of the San Gabriel Valley got picked up by her 15th kid: a 23-year-old amateur bodybuilder named Frankie G. Yes, OctoMom’s got a man. Somewhere, Jennifer Love Hewitt is vagazzling the words “FUCK MY LIFE” onto her crotch while deep throating a Pillsbury cookie dough roll.

Apparently, Octo met her new piece Frankie G at church and they’ve been dating for around two months.

I want to be happy for Octo that she’s finally letting peen into her dusty octobox after 13 years of swearing off dick, but something about this isn’t right. Who in the hell could take Octo’s soul-killing maniacal cackle as you tickle her octopussy in her bedroom while outside the door her band of unruly kids burn the house down and tag their gang name onto the walls. This is obviously a stunt and I want to say that the only one in that duo who’s getting good dick is Frankie G. But I can’t fully say that, because I don’t know any self-respecting gay dude, even a straight-for-fame gay dude, who would sit in the same car with a grown bitch wearing pigtails. (Nina Hagen not included)

Here’s Octo pursing her mouth pillows at The Chio Morning Show’s celebrity pillow fight (I can’t with ANY of that) in King of Prussia, PA over the weekend.